And Another Thing

I felt good about the last post. I felt like I really touched on something with that one. Perhaps I felt too good about it, since I just looked up and realized it was August. Luckily, I’ve thought of a few things since then. And while I do not know if any of them will strike me as much as that one, I’d still like to see where they go. So, if you will indulge me….

So lately I have had a few situations occur that have really rubbed me the wrong way. And they have all revolved around a difference of opinion. The differences are not what bother me, it is the way they were put forth, how I was looked upon for my opinion and the inflexibility of the differing opinions. These are the crux of my issue.

Now opinions, like the saying goes, are like assholes, everyone has one. I like to add to that that is why we have gas, because everyone likes to share their opinion. And as humans, we do love to share our opinion, on every subject imaginable. You can find the web littered with sites filled with people arguing about everything from the merit of Oscar nominated films to the best way to eradicate silverfish from your house. Television is rife with talking heads arguing about politics, the economy, the state of the world, the justification for the war to the best way to decorate your house on a budget and what you should and should not wear this season. It can be a fun exercise to sit with friends and argue about the best album of all time, or the most exciting roller coaster or your favorite movie. You make your case and listen to theirs, each person coming up with a new way to champion their side. You learn from it, seeing things from another perspective, grow a bit perhaps. Sure, you might not change your mind, but you expand your knowledge from it and also learn more about your friends from the sparring. What kind of person they are, what motivates and moves them, and what makes them tick.

Often though, it seems as though there are far more people arguing and spouting their opinions than there are people actually doing something. And yes, I do realize the irony of me writing an opinion about how there are too many people having opinions. Look, I do think we should be doing more and talking less. We should be more active, more involved, more willing as people to roll up our sleeves and get a little dirty to make our world better. But I can certainly not begrudge anyone who can find people to pay them to sit around and spout an opinion all day, whether it is informed or not. And let us be honest, most of these opinions are not informed. They are nothing more than generic platitudes and catchphrases put forth by self appointed experts that typically have no more answers or solutions to problems than you do. Not to get too far off on a tangent, but I have read better relationship advice on a fortune cookie than I’ve ever heard out of Dr. Phil. And these idiots on CNN and Fox News that boil down important, complex issues into such simplistic terms just so they can fit them into either a liberal or conservative pigeon hole and then sit there for a half hour and call each other said labels are about as intelligent as a piece of Formica. Seriously, how can you sit there and say, oh, if you don’t support the war you must be against America and therefore a commie liberal. Or the other side that says, oh, if you drill for oil you must be nothing short of the devil and therefore a totalitarian conservative. These, and many others, are very complex issues with many sides and shades of gray. And knowing politicians are involved, I am sure there are plenty of backroom handshakes and knowing winks and that none of it is good for the world in general and the people in particular. But just blindly splitting an issue down the middle and labeling each half for the sake of argument is lazy, stupid, uninformed and dangerous. And the vitriol and hatred they develop for each other just because they have a different opinion is obscene. Plus the way they dismiss the other as though they are nothing more than a swamp rat just because they have a different opinion irks me to no end. On top of that, none of them are flexible. Typically they spend the entire time arguing their side, never listening to the other, never opening their mind to the possibility of the correctness or validity of another point of view. As far as they are concerned, the opinion they have formed is final, set in stone, and nothing will ever change it.

And these are the issues I have had lately. First I would like to touch on the dismissal. Several times lately I have had discussions with people about movies. Nothing world changing, just what we thought of movies. Each time, once with one chap who likes to feel intelligent and two other times with a gal who thinks she knows about entertainment, I left the arguments seething. Not because they got particularly heated, nor because I was out argued or they were, but because each time, the other person basically dismissed my opinion as nonsense, that I had no idea what I was talking about and then looked upon as stupid because my opinion differed from theirs. In one instance, the other person even said I did not get the point of the film in a condescending tone, to which I responded, dripping with sarcasm, please, since you are so much smarter than me, tell me what I did not get, since I was too stupid to get it. Yes, a bit of a childish retort, but it irked me. First off, they are just opinions. I formed mine based on my knowledge, my likes and dislikes, my point of view and what I have learned from and about movies, just like everyone else. Secondly, it really means nothing, since it is just differing opinions regarding movies, fun yet a complete luxury in our society. And lastly, like most everyone, I watch movies and enjoy them. I’ve studied filmmaking and storytelling, and done a bit of it myself. So, like most people, my opinion is just as valid as anyone. My question is why do these people have to sit there and completely dismiss me and my opinion as though it was nothing more than a gnat, a minor irritant to be swatted away and forgotten? I certainly did not dismiss theirs just because it was different than mine. Is it because they feel inferior to others and must build themselves up by tearing others down? Or perhaps they lack self confidence in themselves to the point where the only way they can feel good about themselves is by diminishing others. Or even, maybe it is something like they are so unsure of themselves, their knowledge and the opinions they have formed, that anything that may undermine the shaky foundation on which they have built their opinions must be immediately eradicated, for fear of destroying their image of themselves. These are all good possibilities, but I believe that what it is most of the time, and at least was in two of my personal run ins, that it is nothing more than their ego is so large, that anything that differs from it must be wrong, so there is no reason to even pay it the most trivial of minds. And this is something I will never understand about people. Why do you have to be that way? Why do you have to dismiss, tear down, marginalize and ridicule something just because it is different, new, unfamiliar, or does not fit into your scheme of things? That is what irked me the most. Not that they held a different opinion than mine, but because they basically treated me like an idiot because mine differed from theirs and they were unwilling to even open their mind a millimeter to see something from another perspective.

This brings me to my second point, people with opinions that are set in stone. They know only what they believe, and anything else is not just wrong, but should be railed against, admonished and cast out as pariahs. I not only find this irksome, but also disturbing and frightening. This is such a dangerous way to live. It is this mode of thinking that starts wars, leads to genocide and sets back humanity from truly being able to reach our potential. Now, I am not saying it is wrong to have strong beliefs, far from it. Having strong beliefs and opinions are a way for us to define ourselves, find out who we are, what we like and how we like to live our lives.

As a very minor example, I really do not like asparagus. I think it tastes gross and do not see the appeal. But others I know love it, and I say, hey, you can have my share. Yes, I know, this is such a minor example, but it emphasizes my point. In my opinion, asparagus sucks, but I do not begrudge anyone that thinks the opposite. The problem arises, as I see it, that there are too many people who would say, asparagus sucks and anyone who likes it is wrong, stupid and should be drug out into the street and shot. That may seem a bit of an exaggeration, but depending on the issue, some people would go that far in their thoughts.

I distrust most people who have such a strong opinion on a subject that they cannot see another side to things. Now, let me clarify. I am not talking about subjects that are cut and dry, like murder, destruction of life, property and our planet, pointless killing or other items along these lines. Those things should be pretty obvious that they are wrong, although sometimes it seems the way some people behave they are not. No, I am talking about the many other points in our lives that are shrouded in more shades of gray. If you are so close minded about even the smallest subjects, then how can I trust you with something important or something that may impact my life? Too often, people confuse this stance with being self assured, confident and decisive. I find it the opposite. I find it narrow minded, fearful and insecure. They seem decisive about things and strong in their beliefs, when they are really scared of change and things different from what they know and can only operate within a comfort zone they have built. I find it far braver to admit that something you once believed in may be wrong, or even that there are more valid beliefs than just your own.

You can have strong beliefs and opinions, but you should be open to the possibilities of a different point of view. Not being open to new possibilities or thoughts is reckless and leads to bad things. I know what some may be thinking, how can I believe too strongly in something really important? Well, let’s take a great example, religion. History is littered with examples of the bad things that have happened by people with inflexible beliefs. The inquisitions, the crusades, the Salem witch trials and the Holocaust are just a few of the more horrific examples of how a belief can go dangerously too far. For that matter, the front page of any newspaper is littered with plenty of examples of beliefs being taken too far. Religion is a very large flashpoint, and those who have strong beliefs sometimes take them too far in the name of God. The sad irony being that in all religions, they preach love for others, love for those who sin and acceptance of all. I do not want anyone to think I am picking on religion, because I really am not. Religion is a very large part of our world and has many examples of good and bad that make it a good subject to illustrate my point. I myself believe in God, although I do not subscribe to organized religion. I find it too rife with greed, power and many of the worst examples of humanity. But that does not mean I do not believe. And I have many friends who range from atheists and agnostics to those who attend regular services. I like them all the same, and see no difference in any of them just because they believe something different than I and they afford me the same respect. Wow, what a concept, people with differing opinions and beliefs not only co-existing comfortably, but also being friends. Hey, maybe there is hope for the world yet.

What it boils down to is this. It is a good thing to have strong beliefs and well-formed and educated opinions on the many aspects of life. And it is a great thing to share them with others and have them share theirs with you. But you should be open to other opinions and different beliefs. You do not have to change yours, but be open. You may find something wonderful in a different point of view that you never knew possible. Do not dismiss another’s opinion just because it does not readily mesh with yours, nor be afraid of an idea just because it is new to you. Being open minded and willing to listen to others who may differ from you will help you expand your knowledge, assist in making your opinions more informed, open communications with others, help build respect between people and push our society toward more understanding. If we do this, I believe we can start to really reach out to each other, to help everyone live better lives and really start to reach our potential not only as individuals, but also our potential for humanity. Of course, these are just my opinions, and they are probably wrong.