St. Valentine's Day Massacre

A few weeks ago while watching a news program, the anchors reported on a poll where the results said people spend more time and energy planning their Super Bowl parties than festivities for Valentine's Day. One newscaster, the male newscaster, said this was disturbing. Now, obviously he said that to connect with female viewers, you never want to alienate part of your demographic, and possibly his significant other. But why is that disturbing? Football is a very popular sport watched by millions of men, and women around the world. A Super Bowl party is a culmination of a season and a time for festivities. While it is a pseudo holiday, there is nothing required of it. You need not buy gifts or cards or trinkets to celebrate if you choose. It does not alienate a portion of the population. Even those who do not like the game tend to gravitate toward parties on that Sunday. I have been to more than a few parties that were anti Super Bowl parties, or Super Bowl Commercial parties. These festivities have morphed from a few guys and a six pack watching football to a social event. A Super Bowl party is a good excuse to have people over, cook some food, socialize and spend time with friends and loved ones. These are things that should be important to us, more important than a contrived holiday such as Valentine’s Day.

Personally, I have more than a few issues with Valentine’s Day, including the fact that the build up of which is beginning to overtake my birthday which was yesterday. I actually saw yesterday referred to as Valentine’s Eve, which almost sent me into a conniption fit. Also, I find it aggravating that the focus on this day hurts those who may not have someone special in their lives. Today is a constant reminder to them how, on a day that is meant for couples and those in relationships, they have no one special with whom to share the day. There have been times in my life that this all day reminder has grated on me because I did not have someone with whom I could share special times and moments. Now, I am aware that not everyone who is single will feel left out today, some may not even notice, but there are those out there who will feel the impact of today greatly. It will remind them how they do not have that someone special; and that can be a depressing thought especially if you have been searching for that someone. When you are surrounded by signs and ads that trumpet how great it is to be in a relationship and how you need to be in one to be fulfilled, well, that can send more than a few over the edge and headed for a night of drowning sorrows in the nearest watering hole. But to me these are just minor irritants created by Valentine’s Day. No, the large problem created by this pseudo holiday is the Laissez-faire attitude it helps to create and foster in relationships.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a day where our focus is turned toward doting over our mates or significant others and show them how much we care and how much they mean to us. It should be a day to celebrate each other, but it has become something else. It has become a day where we show our mates how much we care with empty platitudes and useless consumer goods. Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a made up holiday, concocted to sell cards, flowers, candies and jewelry. It has become a reason to shuck said goods upon people. Companies with a stake in the types of products given as gifts on this day use this to their advantage. Advertising and marketing for Valentine’s Day typically revolves around the idea that if you do not buy these things for the one you love, you must not love them very much. They manipulate genuine feelings and emotions to their advantage, holding people hostage with the idea that if they do not comply, this will create problems in their relationships, or expose them and show how little they care about their mate. This is a ridiculous notion, and unfortunately reinforces the idea that love can only be acquired or held through material goods. Of course, most companies want to reinforce this idea, since it is good for the bottom line. I have no problem with gift giving, per se. The giving of gifts is a fun tradition and can show others how much you care. Not in what you spent, but on what you purchased and the emotions behind said purchase. A thoughtful gift given out of love can mean so much more than the most expensive trinket ever purchased. It shows you care about that person, shows you know who they are and what they like and shows them that you care enough about them to put out such thought and effort. But it should not be forced upon people, it should come naturally.

What is worse is that it sets a bad precedent of behavior for couples. Too often men use Valentine’s Day as a get out of jail free card. They lump all emotion, sentiment and loving gestures into a box of chocolates, some flowers and a dinner out, thereby clearing them of any obligation toward such things for the remaining 364 days of the year. Women, who would like these things more often, find themselves starved for romantic attention and grasp onto today, often demanding this sort of attention. By doing this, men feel it required to go through the motions and comply. It becomes a vicious cycle devoid of any true romance. Now, it is not just men who feel obligated by today, nor women who feel the need to grasp onto what little romance, no matter how contrived, they can acquire on this today. Sometimes the roles are reversed, with men using the day to have a little romance they may not get in their relationships. I am not picking on any gender, but generally each gender falls into these camps. For the most part, it is men that I have heard complain greatly of how they have to do all of this romantic “crap” all day, and women who cling to Valentine’s Day while complaining about a lack of romance throughout the year. But that sort of attitude is a significant sign of the overall problem. If you are complaining about a lack of romance and demanding it on Valentine’s Day, and then your partner is complaining about having to do it that same day, show me how these attitudes convey the love and devotion toward your significant other that is supposed to exist.

Love, devotion, caring and romance should not be something forced, it should come naturally. We should not hold each other hostage to get a small taste of it on one day of the year, thereby eradicating any meaning from it. It should not feel like an obligation nor a duty, but something genuine that comes from the heart. What bothers me the most about Valentine’s Day is that it drives out the true feelings that should come when celebrating your love and your life with someone special. It destroys any true emotion from it by forcing people to act. We should not be forced to be romantic or buy gifts on one day of the year to show our love. And conversely, we should not have to wait for one day all year where our mate will show us the love and devotion we crave and need. You should show signs of love and devotion all year long, not just on one contrived holiday. Tell who you are with you love them, and mean it. Look at them, stare deeply into their eyes and tell them often how much they mean to you and how your life is better with them in it. Bring home flowers for no reason, because you felt like it and thought they might enjoy them. Pick up a little something they might like, a magazine or trinket, just because you thought of them when you saw it. Take them out on the town for dinner or drinks, because it would be fun to spend the evening together. Cuddle up together on a lazy Sunday afternoon, for no reason other than you wanted to feel your partner close to you. Take a shower together, that can be romantic and so much more. Take a walk together and talk about things that interest both of you. Give them a massage after a long day, without planning on it leading anywhere. I know you guys; sometimes it can be just a nice gesture.

There are a million little things like these that people can do to show love, devotion and caring in a relationship that do not take much effort and can be done anytime. Unfortunately, we get wrapped up in our lives and tend to forget how much our partner means to us. It happens to all of us from time to time. We are all guilty of taking for granted our significant others on occasion. We let ourselves get into routines and ruts, and forget to show those we care about most just exactly what they mean to us. But we can change that. This year, I would like everyone, both men and women, to give this gift to your significant other today. Look at your partner and tell them that this year, there will be no candies, flowers, trinkets, dinners, cards or heart shaped nonsense. This year, the gift you give will be yourself. Instead of packing one day with empty sentiment and forced devotion, you will spread it out over the next year and fill it with true emotion. You will take the time to show your partner how much you care about them in the millions of little ways possible. Maybe do one every day, or every week, or perhaps even one a month. Once a month is good, you could go bigger than little things, like planning a romantic weekend getaway. Those are great surprises, not too difficult to plan and do not necessarily have to be extravagant or expensive. Perhaps you can mix it up and surprise your partner at completely random times. The point is, do not cave and cater to manufactured romance on one day, do it all year long. And make sure you do it. Make sure to let your significant other know you love and care for them. A good relationship, a strong one, does take some work and effort. When you give this gift, make the effort do not just give your partner lip service. Take the time to do these things and convey the feelings you have inside. To truly be good together, you both need to work at it. A gift like this is showing your partner not only how much you love them and care for them throughout the year, but how much they mean to you and how much you care to want to work at being in a strong, healthy relationship with them. If we did these things more often, not only would we have stronger relationships, they would last longer, we would be happier and thusly healthier, we would be showing our mates love, romance and devotion that would be filled with true emotion and we could do away with the need for a contrived holiday such as Valentine’s Day.