Random Observations III: Revenge of the Stupid

Welcome to round three kids of the one trick idea that just won’t go away. Enough of the prologue; everybody into the pool!

Before we need to start collectively breathing into paper bags, let’s all take a small step back from the Miley Cyrus uproar and think about it for just one second. Do you really think that Ms. Cyrus, her parents, and her horde of handlers, honestly didn’t realize how much of an uproar those Vanity Fair photos would cause? Really? This kid, and her team who have spent countless hours carefully crafting an image just didn’t know how big of a stir some half clothed pics would truly create? A child who comes from a family with a father who had a moment of superstardom would not know how an image can cause a ripple in the pond? Of course they knew! That’s why it was published because it would cause a big stir. And more importantly, they did it because it would drum up a lot of press and sell a ton of magazines. And to everyone who sits back in judgment and condemns her, her parents, Annie Lebowitz, Vanity Fair and our society for sexualizing a 15 year old girl (which is terrible by the way, please do not mistake this as a justification for their actions) let me ask you one question. When you read the article, how fast did you click on the links to see the photographs in question just to be “outraged”?

I saw a bumper sticker recently on a Chevy Cobalt that said, “Built with tools, not chop sticks.” Besides the fact that the sticker is incredibly offensive, it also shows the stupidity of the car’s owner. I drive a Toyota Tacoma. While Toyota is a Japanese company, not many people realize that the Tacoma is designed, built and assembled in America from start to finish. If you look at Toyota’s overseas market, you will not find a Tacoma anywhere. The Tacoma line of mid size trucks is solely, and uniquely, American. Chevy vehicles on the other hand, while made by an American car company, are more often only designed in the US. And as GM closes more US based manufacturing plants we find most of the American car manufacturers have their parts and vehicles built and assembled overseas. The Cobalt is less American than the Tacoma I drive, which is supposedly built by “chopsticks”. I guess facts get in the way of jingoistic stupidity.

For one NBA game last season, the Los Angeles Lakers wore throwback uniforms that included the shorter shorts teams sported in the 80’s. The response to these uniforms was underwhelming, to say the least. Laker superstar and perennial selfish jackass Kobe Bryant even went so far as to say he “felt violated” wearing that particular version of the Laker uniform. After hearing that, I don’t know whether to make a joke, vomit or just smack that twit upside the head.

Did you ever have a dream where you are in a situation that is completely lifelike except for one thing? And the situation is where you happen to be sleeping? For example, I had a dream recently where I was lying in bed and looking into my closet, and a wolf was sitting right in front of the closet doors. Everything seemed real as though I were just lying there awake, but I was asleep and my subconscious added the wolf. It was very strange. What I want to know is, were my eyes open? Am I the only one who has dreams like this?

If they ever create a device that can record and broadcast, on a television, a person’s dreams, I will totally buy it. Heck, I’ll buy two. And I’ll put it one on my dog. I would LOVE to know what a dog dream consists of. Is it all snacking and petting, or does he dream in action sequences? Some of them have to be action dreams; I’ve seen his legs move and heard the yips coming from him in the throws of a particularly intense dream. Very intriguing.

Some cults get their followers to join with promises of a better life, and then tell the initiates that if they all kill themselves they will travel by spaceship to the previously promised better life. Here’s the question potential cult members should always ask themselves. How can I enjoy this better life where the spaceship takes us if I’m dead?

A jack of all trades is an apprentice renaissance man.

Christine Beatty stepped down as chief of staff for Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick in January, due to the fact she could no longer effectively carry out her duties. This inability to perform her duties stemmed from the fact her and Kilpatrick carried on an illicit affair that began in 2002 and may or may not have stretched to present day. The affair was brought to light the previous year, but only confirmed once text messages of a salacious nature between the two were revealed. Critics have been looking for Kilpatrick to resign, stating that he has broken the public’s trust and nothing he said could be believed. This came from the fact that both Beatty and Kilpatrick lied under oath in 2007 about the nature of their relationship when a whistleblower drug them on the stand and had Detroit police officers who were assigned to protect the mayor reveal their knowledge of the affair. Many have stated that this situation has caused a crisis of leadership. I should say so. I mean, you’re two of the most powerful people in Detroit, the mayor and his closest aide, and you communicate with each other like 14 year old girls? The crisis is not in the affair or aftermath; powerful men and women regularly exercise in extramarital shenanigans. Look through the history of our leadership in this country, you’ll find far more examples of powerful men bedding women to whom they are not wed. It does not make it right, but unfortunately it is nothing new. No, the true crisis is that prominent Detroit leaders are spending their day text messaging each other like love struck junior high students instead of worrying about the welfare of the constituents that granted them the charge of leadership or worrying about the state of their city and how to make it better. And people wonder why Detroit consistently ranks in the crapper amongst major cities.

Is anyone else amazed at how quickly, and without much fanfare, it became acceptable for men to have both ears pierced? I remember when men started getting one ear pierced how it was a huge deal. Somewhere down the line, and fairly recently, that switched to getting both pierced, and barely a word was said. It’s so common now it would seem odd to see someone with only one ear pierced. How odd.

Perhaps Britney Spears would not be under siege if photographers, videographers and paparazzo were not constantly swarming about her every move in order to fill air time with ridiculous shows such as E! Television’s special, Britney Under Siege.

You want to know what’s really wrong with our society, read this article. I still cannot figure out how this scum of a human being has not yet been drug out into the streets and beaten to death.

The FDA now warns that Botox is dangerous and can cause death. Shocking! Who would have thought that injecting Botox, a strain of botulism, into your body for vanity’s sake could be dangerous? Isn’t vanity one of the 7 DEADLY sins? Who would have thought it could kill? Personally, I’m stunned.

There is something satisfying, and seemingly right, about living in an area that when a discussion turns to carbs, the conversation is about auto parts and not diets.

Primate researchers have garnered photographic evidence of gorillas mating face to face. The previous line of thinking was that only humans and bonobos were the only primates to mate in this fashion. What I want to know is why the big stink that human type sexual behavior has been observed in gorillas? Big deal. Thousands of humans have been caught mating doggy style, that doesn’t make us dogs. What makes us dogs is not calling the next day.

Does anyone else find it odd that at the beginning of The Karate Kid, Daniel-san ends up at the beach his first day in town, even though he lives in Reseda which, trust me, is nowhere near the beach and he has no car of his own. And that he has mad soccer skills somehow developed in that soccer hotbed of New Jersey? Is it just me?

Whenever you witness some inconsiderate jackass doing something stupid, rude, crude or downright selfish, just remember this is what is going through their tiny little pea sized brains. “Those signs and rules you see, like the one that says this line 10 items or less or merging traffic yield, you don’t have to worry about those. They don’t apply to you; you’re special.”

I don’t care if it really is a secret formula developed and used in Europe for years and now available in the US for the first time. Nor do I care if it is a special mixture made from secret extracts found deep within the rain forest. It will never help you lose weight. No one wants to hear that, because the idea of shoving whatever food they want down their gullets while popping a magic pill to stay thin is too wonderful a dream to pass up. These flashy products are called supplements. As in, they should be supplementing what you are already dong. They are not called wonder pills, and they will not shed the weight off you just by popping a few of them. If you want to lose weight the only successful way is exercise and diet modification.

And for that matter, just so you know Alli works by inhibiting your body’s ability to process fat. Which means your system just processes it as waste, and you eject it out, typically with messy results. There is no magic pill for weight loss. You cannot take a capsule or supplement or powder or drink, continue to eat like a pig and still lose weight. No one wants to hear it, nor do they want to admit it, since that means people have to give up the chips, fast food, cakes, candies, burgers, fries, topping laden pizzas and everything else that tastes just oh so good in the copious amounts they currently consume. The only way to successfully lose weight, and keep it off, is by eating healthier in smaller portions and getting off the couch and exercising that machine called your body.

Plus, let’s all recognize one painful fact. Most overweight people do not eat because they are hungry. They eat because they are sad, depressed, exasperated or just plain bored. No amount of dietary supplement or appetite suppressant is going to conquer emotional binge eating.

You know, before she dove into the deep end of celebrity insanity and threw her proverbial weight of fame around and derailed the proceedings Roseanne really had an excellent, poignant, touching and meaningful show.

Is anyone else getting the feeling that Jim Carrey is out to single handedly destroy the wit, wisdom, magic and wonder of Dr. Seuss?

To those who feel comfortable picking your feet in public parks, slipping out of your shoes in waiting rooms or wandering around department stores sans shoes, picking your ears with your keys as you walk down the street, driving or riding in a car with your shoes off and feet propped on the dash, picking your nose or butt anywhere in a public place, taking the time to perform personal grooming habits anywhere you are, brushing your teeth in an airport terminal still dressed in your pajamas as to set an example for your kids, also dressed in their pajamas (something shamefully I have actually witnessed first hand) or any of the millions of other little things people do that are way too casual, personal, or disgusting, please take note. Where you are doing these things is not your home. Please treat this public location properly and show some respect for yourself and the other people you have to share this space with. Get yourself cleaned up before you leave the house. Otherwise, stay there. I’ve had enough of having a lovely time submarined by witnessing some jackass feeling way too comfortable being too casual with their personal grooming habits or appearance in front of dozens to thousands of other people.

Obesity will forever be an issue in this country because restaurants, fast food establishments, the snack food industry, fitness industry and health care industry have far too much invested, and at stake, in everyone remaining fat and unhealthy.

By an unfortunate twist of fate, I happened to catch an episode of the abysmal show Project Runway. As I watched these nimrods fight over fashions that would never be worn by any average person, and catfight amongst each other, one thought consistently came to mind. Did the men and women of the 1940’s really fight and die to defend and preserve the freedom and sanctity of this country so we could have drivel like this?

I’d like to make a quick point on courtesy, more specifically the lack thereof in our society. I recently found myself on a long plane flight and observed two people on plane sitting near me that had to be told three times to turn off their personal electronics. Twice on overhead the flight crew announced this and finally a flight attendant had to come up to them and tell them specifically to turn off their gear. I know people tend to get bored on long flights and want to find ways to make the trip go faster, but they tell you to turn off those items for a reason, assholes. Personally after four and a half hours in the air, I’d like the last 15 minutes to be as uneventful as the first portion of the trip. I don’t want there to be some tension at the end because some idiot with a palm pilot would rather play solitaire than avoid the possibility of affecting the onboard flight systems. And another thing, both of these people were adults, not children. Never mind the bad example it sets for children, they are grown ups who should know that when you’re asked to do something of import, you should oblige for the good of everyone around them. They should not need to be told more than once to do something like a petulant child.

Is constructability a word? Apparently so, since Microsoft Word autocheck deemed it acceptable. It did not deem autocheck acceptable though. Such a strange twist to the English language.

Whoever created buzz word bingo for corporate meetings is a genius.

Just a thought or two about the mess former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer now infamously created. I’ll be honest, this is a funny situation. Not for Mrs. Spitzer certainly, as that poor woman has been put through the ringer. But for the rest of us it’s just a laugh riot. You think he may have possibly made the focus of his crackdown on crime prostitution rings so he could get good contacts and choice women for his own extracurricular activities?

Have you ever noticed how people who preach morality, extol it from the mountaintop and make it their business to be in everyone else’s tend to be the least moral amongst us and have the most skeletons in their closet? Oh I have. Just keep those in mind the next time I get on a soap box condemning the moral shortcomings of others.

Hillary Clinton has stated that her comments made regarding her trips to Bosnia in the 90s, where she claimed to have landed under sniper fire, were caused by exhaustion and that she misspoke. I prefer the term lied. Why cannot people just admit they when they lie, no matter the reason why they did it? Whether it was to make a story more exciting, to make themselves look better, to bolster their image, to hide an embarrassing fact about themselves or just to make themselves seem more important in their own minds, why cannot they just admit they lied? When you get caught in the web of your own deceit, just say ok, I lied. Not that you misspoke or misremembered, just admit you lied. You look dumber in the long run for making up some lame excuse than you do for coming clean and being honest and admitting to others what they already know.

I read recently that the former Real World and Road Rules cast mates that become contestants on the Gauntlet (MTV’s current keystone show, once again having nothing to do with actual music) receive a mere $5000 to appear on MTV’s biggest hit and cash cow. I never knew shame and dignity could be purchased for so little.

Ever find yourself in a blah mood? Next time you’re caught in traffic, just look around for that one driver completely oblivious to anyone else, singing and grooving in their car unselfconsciously. It will put a smile on your face every time watching someone enjoying life unfettered.