The Crystal Ball 2007 Week 5

Revenge, as the saying goes, is a dish best served cold. The reasons for revenge can be as varied as the methods of exacting it. Perhaps a person felt slighted by a joke at a party. Or perhaps it was something far more sinister, like an illicit tryst or theft. Whatever the reasoning as a species we tend to feel, from time to time, the need to exact revenge on those who have done us wrong in the past. Last weekend there were quite a few individuals attempting to exact revenge upon someone. Not all succeeded.

Ken Whisenhunt vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers - Winner Whisenhunt

Matt Schaub vs. the Atlanta Falcons – Winner Falcons

Daunte Culpepper vs. the Miami Dolphins – Winner Culpepper (but a rather poor one. Nice knee pointing after your touchdown Daunte. Like the fans cut you loose.)

Jamal Lewis vs. the Baltimore Ravens - Winner Lewis (and Browns fans)

Julian Peterson vs. the San Francisco 49ers – Winner Peterson

Joey Porter’s Guarantee vs. the Oakland Raiders – Winner Raiders. (Huh? Since when does Joey fail?)

Isaac Bruce’s Guarantee vs. the Dallas Cowboys – Winner Cowboys (not a good week for guarantees)

Marty Shottenheimer vs. A.J. Smith, Round 9 – Winner Shottenheimer

Brett Favre vs. the Dying of the Light – Winner Favre (boy is he raging)


Recap

The Cleveland Browns are 2-2 and second in the AFC North. No commentary needed, I’m as stunned as you.

The Oakland/Miami tilt was suspended for 10 minutes on account of lightning. This is the second time this season that has happened. The last time Oakland was involved as well. Perhaps their turnaround has prompted the end of times to start, and these are merely the first signs. It would make sense.

Did Brett Favre break some sort of record this weekend? I had not heard anything. You’d think something that big would have some media coverage.

Seriously, great job by Favre in capturing the all time touchdown record, and more importantly for leading his team to their fourth victory this season. Plus, watching him break the record was fantastic because you know it secretly drives Marino insane. But now that he’s broken it, can we please, PLEASE, end the idolization of Favre, at least until December?

The Detroit Lions scored 34 points in the 4th quarter. The Eagles scored 3 the entire game. It would seem their previous match up was an aberration, for both teams.

Wow, Brian Griese was such a huge improvement over Grossman. Ok, enough dilly dallying here. Chicago, your season is on the line. There is only one thing you can do. Send in Kyle Orton. Anyone with as fabulous a neck beard as Orton has to be good enough to turn things around. Do it now, Lovie, before it’s too late!

There is only one way to say this, Norv Turner sucks. It’s funny that the same fans in Qualcomm that were chanting for Shottenheimer by the end of the game were the same ones calling for his head after last year’s playoff loss. I guess they did not know how good they had it. Wait, now that I think about it, they were just chanting Marty. Perhaps they were hoping McFly would show up and take them back to last season.

I agree that Shottenheimer was not the answer to get them over the hump, but at least he managed to get them to the hump. A.J. Smith should be mortified, embarrassed and ashamed that his ego battle of wills with Shottenheimer led the Chargers to this point. If A.J. had just swallowed some pride and realized Marty coached the team to their success, it was not A.J. signing the right players alone, he would not have hastily fired Marty AFTER all of his talented coordinators had left and AFTER all good coaching candidates had been hired. If I were a Charger fan, I’d run that bum out of town on a rail for turning a talented team and potential Super Bowl participant into a running joke all because of ego. Oh, look, there is a railway stop right by Qualcomm. How convenient.


Cardinals 21 – Steelers 14

Well, a loss had to happen sometime. Better now than, say, February. And while they may happen, I don’t have to like it.

This is a problem with keeping a lesser talented team hanging around. If you do not put them away quickly, they begin to build confidence. The longer they stay close in the game, the greater that confidence builds. Eventually, if they hang around long enough it comes back to haunt you. It always does. This game was the perfect example of that.

Was this a sign of things to come? I surely hope not. It is never a good sign when you fail to beat a sub par team.

There were a lot of problems during the game. The team looked uptight and anxious after the first drive, never able to really impose their will. Most of the game was marked with mental breakdowns, poor tackling, poor line play and protection. When the line cannot establish a running game and gives up four sacks, things are not going well for them. It happens occasionally. Everyone has a bad game from time to time. Let’s not make it a habit, though.

Injuries did not help the cause either. Casey Hampton, Chris Hoke and Troy Polamalu all left in the second half with injuries. Troy’s being the most painful, with cartilage torn from his rib cage, and Hoke’s being the scariest with a spinal cord concussion. But what do they mean for the future? With the bye week upon them, the team may sit Troy this weekend in hopes of making sure this does not linger. If that happens, they need to find a way to win without him. Just the threat of Polamalu makes teams change tactics. If they cannot find a way to be an effective unit without Polamalu’s presence, the problems will mount.

This will be Tomlin’s first real test as a head coach this season. How do absorb a loss, and move on to next week and the next opponent. After watching him so far, I have a feeling putting last week behind them will be as easy and effective as putting a win behind them.

For the Cardinals, one point sticks out to me. Quarterback substitution is a good experiment, but it cannot last. A quarterback needs to know they are in charge, and their teammates like knowing someone, and just one, will be leading them each week. It will backfire eventually. Kurt Warner is happy with playing time, and he will always defer and say the team belongs to Matt Leinart, but the team will begin to wonder eventually. Leinart is used to being the man, and will not accept a platoon position. And even though this little experiment is only two weeks old, Leinart is already chafing against it, and it will eventually cause a lockerroom division.

"If I'm the franchise quarterback, play me and let me stumble, because I'll fight through it, and that will help me and our team in the long run. I know coaches want to win now, and they have their reasons. But I don't understand, and this switching back and forth is almost worse than getting benched.''

- Leinart after last Sunday’s victory.

Tread carefully Whisenhunt. You have a good thing going, do not step too far and break down your good work. Football players, especially quarterbacks and receivers, are an ego driven bunch. If they feel they are being dissed, they let it out and damn the consequences. That being said, a fantastic job done thus far to Whiz and an excellent win versus your old charges.

What I liked from Pittsburgh: Odd this is the thin section this week. Defense played well, only giving up 14 points and holding James under 100 yards. Offense, when it was moving, looked good.

What I did not like from Pittsburgh: the turnovers, the lack of capitalization on turnovers, special teams play (punt return for TD, good starting position for cards on kickoffs), 3rd down conversions, line play (bad run blocking and poor protection kept Willie under 40 yards and Big Ben sacked 4 times.) 1st and goal from the 4 ends up in a turnover is very bad.


Giants 16 – Eagles 3

What a stinker of a game. Like watching two drunks attempt to fight, but one starts to sober up near the end, and lays in a few good hits. Just bad.

Now everyone will crow about the Giant defense and their monster impressive 12 sacks, but I think that is more a by product of terrible protection by the Eagles line and the complete lack of mobility possessed by McNabb. Obviously the Lions game was a hiccup on their way to an ultra crappy season.

Big ups though to Osi Umenyiora for a stellar performance in turning in 6 sacks. He would not have been in the Philly backfield that often if he were wearing green and white. I love that in a game meant to honor Michael Strahan when he could break Lawrence Taylor’s Giants sack record, Umenyiora comes in and takes the spotlight away. Nice job.

I think the Eagles will be, for the remainder of the season, Jekyll and Hyde. Who knows if this team will show up or the one that blew out the Lions. But one thing I do know, if they do not have Westbrook in the lineup, they have no chance. I would have loved to know that tidbit before the game.

And by the way, I have to say it. The Eagles have the absolute worst hurry up offense ever. They looked even more atrocious Sunday than they did in Super Bowl XXXIX.

Madden started talking about Favre before the 1st quarter was over. Ok, who had end of first quarter in the poll?

Finally, defense was represented on the horse trailer! Did John and Al read last week’s column and realize the error of their ways? Hey, it’s possible; the Raiders are 2-2. John, now if you do read regularly don’t be mad. I was just kidding with all of those man love jokes about you and Favre. It’s all merely in good fun. Who would think such things were true! No one would think I was serious! It’s just me merely poking fun at how much you enjoy Favre and his game. (Well, sort of.)


Patriots 34 – Bengals 13

“Watson into the waiting arms of Tedy Bruschi” - Mike Tirico during a play call.

And people say football is violent and encourages the same sort of behavior. I disagree. Read Tirico’s call again. That sounded downright romantic to me.

I’m beginning to think that crutch and cast Marvin Lewis is sporting is not from a broken bone, but from shooting himself in the foot literally to match how his team does it figuratively.

Do you want to know why the Bungles lose? Here are two examples that illustrate the problem.

1st quarter 4th and less than one, Bungles have the ball in their own territory. A lean forward by Palmer gets the first down. What do the Bungles do? Go for it, which would keep their high powered offense on the field and their ultra questionable defense off it? No, they punt the ball away. The Patriots, smelling the obvious blood in the water, take the ball and march down the field to score and never look back.

9 minutes left in the game, Bungles down 17 points and currently holding the ball with 4th and goal upcoming. Their defense has not stopped the Patriots all night and they need as many points as possible. What do the Bungles do here? Do they attempt to go for the touchdown, to tear into the Patriot lead? No, they chicken out and kick a meaningless field goal, which did nothing to affect the game. Actually, it did less than nothing because after the Bungles kicked off, the Patriots proceeded to engage in a 6 minute clock killing drive that resulted in a touchdown. After that, the Bungles were left with 3 minutes to play and a 21 point deficit. This is why they fail.

The shaky Bungles defense was decimated by injury. The team was down to 2 healthy linebackers by halftime. Once again I TOLD YOU SO. They have no defense, they cannot compete. I cannot say it enough. I may have to put it in every week, just for my own enjoyment.

It is never a good sign when your star quarterback and star receiver argue vehemently on the sidelines. Ask Charger fans about that. Although, it is funny to the rest of us.

Note to all teams. If you haven’t figured it out by now, please allow me to explain it for you. When Mike Vrabel is in on offense, the ball is going to him. He has nine career receptions for NINE TOUCHDOWNS. How does this surprise anyone anymore? Even I knew it was coming.

What’s wrong with Maroney? Obviously nothing that affects the Patriots running game. Good Crimoney, even when they have injured players nothing affects the team.

Is it just me, or are the Patriots long overdue for team crippling injury.

During the game Michele Tafoya did a sideline report that spanned several points of game, about the wonderful Randy Moss. According to Tafoya, former teammate Cris Carter called Moss a good teammate, hard worker and a fantastic guy. Per her report, there are others who have also pontificated the same things, including his work ethic, how he is a great teammate and how smart Moss is as a football player. Sure, ok, fine, you can say that, and so far the early returns seem to be true. All the bad stuff he’s been known for in the past have yet to rear their ugly head making people believe that possibly Moss’ rather colorful, and selfish, past are behind him. But I just want to make the painfully obvious point that no one seems to be making; it is pretty easy to be a team guy and all around wonderful person when things are going well. Tell me how good he is if the Pats hit a 3 game losing streak.

I must say I really enjoyed the Tom Brady lovefest/infomercial during the last 2 ½ minutes of the game. Media types spend part of their time wondering why everyone hates the Patriots. That little display of abject fawning is why. Because no matter where we turn as fans, the Patriots are constantly shoved down our throats, tom in particular. Quick lesson for all in the media, I don’t care how wonderful they are, how talented, how Tom Brady is a male Adonis carved from marble and set to life by Zeus himself. I don’t want to hear about it anymore. I’m tired of it. There are 31 other teams each with 53 players who could stand a little attention, Brett Favre excluded. And I’m not the only one. And Kornheiser just a side note, all men do NOT want to be Tom, and all women do NOT want to be with him. Yeesh.


NFL, the alternative Universe

“NFL stands for Never Figure League” – John Madden.

Too true, John, too true.

Did anyone catch Dan Dierdorf’s comment during the fourth quarter of the Cardinals/Steelers game? There were large patches of sunlight splashing the field from the afternoon sun. Dierdorf felt the need to explain to those at home that the “strange light” on the field is coming from the sun shining through the windows at the top of the stadium. Really Dan? I had no idea that this strange light was called “sun-light”. Thank you for explaining the mystery. I have heard that the material known as “wood” comes from something called a “tree”. Is this also true Dan? Finally, Dan’s secret identity has been revealed, he is really Captain Obvious!

Question, why were Giants fans wearing Heinz ketchup t-shirts during the game? If it was a way to psyche out their opponent, they have the wrong side of the state, which would mean that Giant fans are very dumb in their taunting. A better shirt would have been say a Pat’s Cheese steak shirt, or Crayola, or the Liberty Bell. It left me very confused.

There is a disturbance in the NFL. More evidence is coming forth of a force to be reckoned with that may be unstoppable. More details coming next week.


Upon Further Review

With a quarter of the season in the books, there has been much talk about the potential for certain teams, read the Patriots, to go undefeated. This talk is, obviously, wildly premature. But the Patriots have posted wins in their first four games by totals of 24, 24, 31 and 21 points respectively. By the sheer numbers, they look completely dominant and unstoppable and quite possibly the best team in football, as many have labeled them. But are they? For fun, let’s do a comparison of the top five teams in the league, and take a look at their records and the combined records of the opponents they have faced thus far. Perhaps seeing how the competition stacks up will shed some light on the true best team in football.

New England Patriots - 4-0. Combined record of opponents faced - 4-12. Hmmm, seems pretty easy to score tons of points and run the table when your competition has only won 4 out of 16 games.

Dallas Cowboys - 4-0. Combined record of opponents faced - 3-13. Interesting.

Green Bay Packers - 4-0. Combined record of opponents faced - 5-11. Slightly stiffer competition.

Indianapolis Colts - 4-0. Combined record of opponents faced - 6-8.

Pittsburgh Steelers - 3-1. Combined record of opponents faced - 7-9.

Colts and Steelers seem to be leading the pack as far as playing tougher opposition.

Now for fun, let’s look at three of the crappiest teams from last year, all of which are doing fairly well so far in this young season.

Detroit Lions - 3-1. Combined record of opponents faced – 5-11. Not very telling.

Oakland Raiders 2-2. Combined record of opponents faced – 7-9. Ahhh, right on pace with the Steelers and if not for a botched field goal in Denver they might have an identical record as well.

Cleveland Browns - 2-2. Combined record of opponents faced - 8-8. The toughest competition thus far, and if not for a blocked field goal in Oakland, they might be 3-1.

So of all the teams we looked at, it would seem that lowly Cleveland is the only one playing against real competition, and for the most part holding their own.

So before we crown their asses the greatest team of all time, the best undefeated team of all time, the 2007 Super Bowl champions, or even the best team in football this year, how about we wait and see how the Pats perform when they actually play a football game against real competition.


Steelers Around the World

Steel Curtain meets the Iron Curtain as the world tour of Steelers football lands this week in Moscow.

The economic, educational and transportation center of Russia, the country capital is also the most populous city in Europe. Moscow can also boast the world’s busiest metro system.

The city is also famous, besides being the seat of power during the age of Czars the communist years as well as the Russian Federation of today, for its stunning architecture. The Kremlin, Red Square and Saint Basil’s Cathedral are a small slice of the architectural beauty and wonder that dot this city. Some of the city’s wonders were destroyed during modernization attempts through the years, but now are in the process of being restored to their pre-Soviet grandeur. Moscow also is home to over 90 parks and 18 gardens, 4 of which are botanical, for residents to enjoy. The park land is so abundant in this city, they average 27 square meters per park per person.

Moscow is also home, like many capital cities, to a thriving arts scene. Home to numerous museums and art galleries, Moscow is also known for ballet, with the most famous studio being the Bolshoi Theatre. The Bolshoi has since its beginnings been the home to many Russian masterpieces in both ballet and opera, from Tchaikovsky's ballet Swan Lake to Rimsky-Korsakov's The Tsar's Bride.

Moscow also has a thriving sports culture, with football, or soccer to us backward Americans, dominates followed closely by ice hockey. Due to the climate, winter sports are very popular in Russia. Often in winter, it is quite common to see Muscovites skating on ponds or skiing through trails in the local parks.

When Pittsburgh takes the field, they will do it at the Grand Sports Arena of the Luzhniki Olympic Complex. The central venue of the 1980 Summer Olympics, Luzhniki Stadium is also a regular host of Russian Premier League games and the scheduled host of the 2008 UEFA Champions League final. The stadium seats 84,745 fans in covered seating comfort, all ready for a taste of NFL action.

Fans of Pittsburgh know the proper opponent to play behind the Iron Curtain. The one opponent who was their nemesis during the glory days of the Steel Curtain. The one opponent who many Steeler fans referred to, and still do, as the evil empire. One led by a maniacal dictator bent on domination at any cost. Please welcome for this game, the Oakland Raiders.


Idiot of the week

This week’s award goes to the latest Favre sycophant, Peter King. Mind you, I like Peter an am a regular reader of his column, which is excellent. But this week, he wins due to his own personal lovefest with Brett. While watching his interview with Favre after the game, it seemed as though King was trying to supplant Madden as the media figure who loves Favre the most. What a softball and suck up interview. Here are some of the ridiculous questions he asked.

What did you say to Deanna after the touchdown? That’s his business Peter. Why must we intrude on a special moment between husband and wife? As it turns out, he said they needed to win the game. Obviously, Favre’s head was already getting back to the more important issue at hand.

Did you think about your dad? What kind of question is that? Of course he thought about his dad. The senior Favre was a gigantic influence in Brett’s life, and I am sure his absence was felt by Brett. And on that note, why do I know almost as much about Favre’s dad as I do my own?

How does it feel? Oooooh, tough one. Here, I’ll guess. I bet it felt pretty damn good.

Which is more important, the record or the win? Hey Peter, in case you’ve kept your head in the sand for the last four weeks, or were not paying attention to the answer above, Favre has answered this on about a million occasions! The records are nice, the wins are what matters.

I know people would want to hear from Brett after breaking such a big record, and Peter is one of the lucky ones who were able to talk with him. But Peter, if you get that chance again try not to drool so much, ok?


Taking The Week Off

Cincinnati – The Bungles will spend the week finding some warm bodies to fill out their defensive ranks.

Oakland – The Raiders will pass the time bailing Janikowski out of jail for over celebrating their home and road wins.

Minnesota – Brad Childress will spend the week wondering why he did not run Peterson more in the second half of the Packers game, and of course teaching 10th grade Biology.

Philadelphia – Andy Reid wasted no time on his bye week and is already hard at work finding a way to clone Brian Westbrook.


On Tap This Week

At this time of year, one finds themselves completely immersed in football watching, studying, learning, deducing from every play and every team what makes them good, or bad. One takes this knowledge and applies it each week, hoping to use that knowledge as a payoff, to show that this accumulated knowledge means something. And for the most part, it does pay off. But then some weeks, on occasion, you get this.

Last week 5-9
Season to date 35-27

I’d feel bad, but hey, I’m just a regular fan. If I actually worked in football, for a team the league or a media outlet, I would be mortally embarrassed. I checked some of the experts, and I did better than a good portion of them. So as it stands, well, I’m just kind of chagrined. It’s funny, last week I kept thinking beforehand about a slew of games that could go either way, and wondered whether my picks were accurate. As it turned out, I went the wrong way on every single one of them. Oh well, there is always this week.


Jacksonville (2-1) at Kansas City (2-2)

So Damon Huard is 7-0 in starts at Arrowhead stadium. Interesting. It’s not going to help this week. Jacksonville is rested and ready. Kansas City is relying on one good receiver, one quasi-decent quarterback, one overpaid running back and one very bad offensive line.

Jaguars over Chiefs

Arizona (2-2) at St. Louis (0-4)

Stephen Jackson is still out. Not good. Marc Bulger and bruised ribs are out and Gus Frerotte is in. Also not good. Even if a fresh Frerotte can throw better than an injured Bulger, it will matter not. The quarterback will still have no protection. Unless the Arizona quarterback rotation implodes spectacularly, or they lack concentration too giddy from their win last week, we can have the official funeral for the greatest show on turf this weekend.

Cardinals over Rams

Cleveland (2-2) at New England (4-0)

I’m about to write something that a few weeks ago would have seemed as likely as the thought of Paris Hilton being a good role model for young girls. The Browns are the stiffest competition the Patriots have faced so far. And for the sheer upset value, I so want to pick them. But three things keep holding me back. One, they are still the Browns. Two, they are still the Patriots at home. And three, Crennel could at any moment revert back to his Art Shell impression he did in week one.

Patriots over Browns

Carolina (2-2) at New Orleans (0-3)

It looks like Jake Delhomme could be out longer than expected. I and short of me being paid handsomely by an unknown benefactor from the Charlotte region, there is no way I am backing David Carr and his butler gloves on the road. I do not care how bad the Saints are playing. Now, if the Saints secondary gets torched by Carr for say 300+ yards and 4 touchdowns en route to a win, which is not impossible, then I completely give up on them this year and throw them in the pile with the Rams and, coming soon, the Chargers.

Saints over Panthers

New York Jets (1-3) at New York Giants (2-2)

I’ll take New York in this one. But which one, the one that took an embarrassing loss to a divisional opponent, or the one waiting for the right losing streak to implode so dramatically, it makes the last few years look like they were the proverbial salad days. Wait, that doesn’t help. Hmmmm, ok the one who plays in the stadium that is really in New Jersey? Oh, wait, they both do. Seriously, how do you tell these two crapfests apart?

Giants over Jets

Seattle (3-1) at Pittsburgh (3-1)

Something seems really familiar about this game, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Steelers over Seahawks

Detroit (3-1) at Washington (2-1)

The Redskins have had a week to think about what they did. They have a good defense and a decent offense. They’re at home against a team who has NEVER won there. The last NFC East team their opponent faced torched them. So why don’t I feel good about Washington? The Lions can score quickly, and in bunches. Sure their defense gives up some, but the offense knows how to overcome that. I sound like a drunken guy in a bar at 2am talking himself into a regrettable hookup, but I don’t care. As the drunk would slur, screw it I’m going for it.

Lions over Redskins

Miami (0-4) at Houston (2-2)

How long do you think it will be until Joey Porter, unfamiliar with an inept losing team, snaps and runs through South Beach destroying everything in his path? I’m giving it 3 more losses.

Texans over Dolphins

Atlanta (1-3) at Tennessee (2-1)

Hmmm, it is always good to look at the quarterback match ups when working to pick a winner. So who would you take, Joey Harrington or Vince Young? Kind of like choosing between bologna and steak, isn’t it?

Titans over Falcons

Tampa Bay (3-1) at Indianapolis (4-0)

The wheels come off for Bucs bus this week, as RB Cadillac Williams and LT Luke Petitgout were lost for the season. They’d need to win a shootout, and I just do not see it happening with no one up the middle or anyone reliable keeping pressure off of Garcia.

Colts over Buccaneers

Baltimore (2-2) at San Francisco (2-2)

Alex Smith is out 3-4 weeks with a separated shoulder. You like Trent Dilfer against the Ravens? Me either. They’d have a better chance with Trent Edwards, or even Trent Reznor.

Ravens over 49ers

San Diego (1-3) at Denver (2-2)

I have no faith in San Diego, none whatsoever. If you cannot put away the Chiefs at home, how can you put away the Broncos, who are better than KC, on the road? I keep hearing about them righting the ship this week. But I just have trouble believing it. Plus, if things keep going this way, we’ll be about three weeks from seeing LaDainian Tomlinson curled up in a fetal position openly sobbing during his post game interview. Pure entertainment.

Broncos over Chargers

Chicago (1-3) at Green Bay (4-0)

So this is what we get for the action capper. A banged up Bears secondary vs. Bionic Favre on Sunday Night, with Favre’s biggest fan in the TV Booth and I don’t mean Al Michaels. Once again, their only hope is Kyle Orton. But we won’t be seeing him.

Packers over Bears

Dallas (4-0) at Buffalo (1-3)

This is just mean. Why do this to the good people of Buffalo? Sure, they should get a Monday night game. But against the Cowboys with their offense? Has not the Bills, and Bills fans, suffered enough this season?

Cowboys over Bills