The Crystal Ball 2007 Week 6

The list is a map of pain. Disappointments and gut punches that linger like expired cheese. All by themselves they can produce sadness and tears. But combined? They become enough to bring Big Bad John to his knees.

Wide right.

4 straight Super Bowl Losses.

Each loss worse than the previous one.

The losses overshadowing the effort and talent it takes to get there four straight times.

OJ.

The Rob Johnson era.

The Music City Miracle.

The glory of the Super Bowl teams long faded and nothing but bad, empty years of no relevance since Kelly, Thomas and Reed retired to fill the void.

Losing on a literally last second field goal to Denver.

Kevin Everett.

Peerless Price leaving and returning only to be lost for the season.

A defense ravaged by injuries.

JP Losman, the new Joey Harrington.

The creation of boneless Buffalo wings (a TRAVESTY and a crime, if they are boneless, they’re NUGGETS not wings. Ok, this is my complaint, but I bet the locals would agree.)

And now the collapse during the Cowboy game as Monday Night Football triumphantly returned to the city?

My God, have not the good people of Buffalo suffered enough?


Recap

Do not trust David Carr like the rest of us? No problem, throw in Matt Moore. Wait, who?

Well, so much for the theory that Carr just needed a better offensive line.

Trent Green, please retire before someone knocks your block off completely.

The Dolphins now, for the seventh consecutive year, have a critical QB issue. Was Ginn Jr. really what they needed more than Brady Quinn?

Damon Huard bruised his throwing shoulder, yet will play on. I guess Croyle really is that bad.

Larry Johnson has 275 yards rushing and zero touchdowns on the season. No matter how good you are, you need an offensive line. By the way, good job caving to his contract demands Chiefs. It’s sooooo paying off.

The San Diego offense finally woke up. Is this for real or just against a weak Bronco team? The Eagles woke up too, but saw spring had not sprung yet and went back to sleep.

Bronco fans, I know losing sucks but show some pride and support. Your stadium was almost empty by end of third quarter! The same goes for you Chiefs fans.

Bronco C Tom Nalen is out for season with torn bicep. That makes it that much harder for an already struggling offense to go anywhere.

Very fast the Broncos have turned into a mess. I have to ask the question. Seriously Shanahan, was Cutler really ready, or were you just sick of Plummer? And was last year’s defensive line really that bad that you had to dismiss all of then in favor of the sieve you have now?

Looks like the Cardinal quarterback controversy has been settled as Leinart will be out for the season with broken collarbone. I wonder if Whisenhunt wished upon a star.

5 turnovers and horrible offensive play and yet still Vince Young wins. A winning attitude is contagious.

Titan DB Fuller had a great pick for a touchdown. Nice step up by the defense.

Giants DB Ross also had a great pick for a touchdown to ice the game

Byron Leftwich; did you lose all ability to be a pro quarterback with a few weeks off? Leftwich went 2-8 in relief of an ineffective Harrington and most of the passes were badly overthrown. I’m not sure what was worse, his decisions or his depth perception

The Falcons are another team that looks like a mess. Poor running, poor line play, poor defensive play. Was Vick really the only thing holding it all together? Scary thought.

The Detroit Lions. All big play offensive sizzle, very little steak. They’re like the Bungles without the crime.

Kris Brown, wow what a game. That was the first time a kicker hit three figgies over 50 yards in a game. He nailed shots from 54, 43, 54, 20 and the game winner a 57 yard field goal. Outstanding.

Alstott, Williams, Pittman – Caution, running the ball for Tampa Bay could be hazardous to your health

No Harrison, no Addai, no Sanders, no problem. Opposing defenses, please meet Kenton Keith. The Colts rolled despite a who’s who on the injury list. Much like another team I know.

Speaking of which…


Steelers 21 – Seahawks 0

The team honored Chuck Noll before the game, dragging the old guy out to mid field for the crowd to roar. He looked good, just with a few more miles on the odometer. He is still the only head coach to win 4 Super Bowls. I hope that lasts.

Since Chuck was in attendance, the team treated him to the kind of dominating performance he established in the 70’s. The defense allowed only 144 total yards of offense, zero points which was Seattle’s first shutout since 2000, 8 first downs, 38 total yards of rushing and a mere 19:15 time of possession for Seattle, who looked hapless offensively almost the entire game.

The best part was they dominated despite injuries to key personnel. And while I enjoyed the win, it is still not a good sight seeing Troy and Hines chatting on the sidelines in street clothes or Casey in street clothes. Nor Holmes standing around because of a hamstring injury suffered in pregame warm-ups.

Cedrick Wilson stepped up nicely in place of Holmes, though. Depth is a good thing.

I said last week that this game would be a test for Tomlin, to see how he gets the team ready after a loss. Tomlin’s grade for the game, easily he earned an A+.

The first half was a defensive slugfest until Najeh Davenport’s great run to put team in scoring territory. Plus kudos goes to Nate Washington for a fantastic block during the run. Think he learned that from Hines.

Holmgren showed off once again his fantastic clock management skills at the end of the first half. He had 3 time outs and two minutes to get some kind of scoring, anything. He did not use a single time out, forcing the offense into a bad situation with the clock pressing them into desperation which led to Ike Taylor’s great pick on the one yard line.

Taylor had great coverage all day, and was named the defensive player of the week for his efforts.

I thought I was going to shoot myself when saw Joe Buck was calling game. He was not too bad for the most part, although I may have tuned him out, but he still managed to stick his foot in his mouth. Joe stated at one point the Seahawks defense did a decent job against the Steelers. Joe, what game were you watching? Pittsburgh scored 21 points and held the ball for 40:45 minutes of the game racking up 342 yards in offense, 19 first downs and could not be stopped on a drive in which Pittsburgh committed 3 holding penalties. If this is Joe’s idea of decent, I’d hate to see what he thinks is bad.

Pittsburgh opened the third quarter with a stunning 10+ minute drive that went 80 yards and ended in a touchdown. The drive consumed clock and wore down the already gasping Seattle defense. The only problems were too many mental mistakes on the drive, mainly holding calls (although the one on Heath Miller was total BS) and the injury to Marvel Smith. Luckily it turned out to be minor.

Note to the Seahawks, if you didn’t know this already, you cannot arm tackle Ben. I thought you might have learned that one a few years ago.

Ben ended game with 13 straight completions. He can break the Steelers record with 3 more completions in the next game. He also finished the day with a line of 18-22 for 206 yards 1 TD 0 INT.

The Steelers are now 31-3 when Ben attempts 31 or less passes.

1:50 left in game, Charlie Batch time!

One sad note is that this will most likely be the last game played by Seattle fullback Mack Strong. Strong felt tingling in his hands Sunday morning, and after a few hits early in the contest, he felt his hand and arm numbing. The diagnosed neck injury will bring a great career to an end.

What I Liked From Pittsburgh: Stifling defense, efficient clock consuming offense, the Heinz Field Hop.

What I Did Not Like From Pittsburgh: The mental errors and 3 holding penalties.


Bears 27 – Packers 20

The Bears finally stepped up when it mattered, and the Packers finally stumbled. I wonder if the game would have been different if Green Bay had a reliable running game. It was even more noticeable in this game how desperate they need one.

Speaking of running games, Cedric Benson needs to learn to run up the middle. Bouncing to the outside will not cut it.

Was it just me, or did John seem to be in awe of Brett? He was quiet most of the time about Brett, as though if he spoke, the magic of Favre would disappear. I was kind of disappointed, I expected much more gushing.

Brett finally had one of those really bad decision throws, a heave ho pass that Urlacher picked off. It burned them too.

James Jones needs to take better care of the ball. It seems like an obvious statement, but when you get stripped twice, perhaps he needs reminded. The Pack could have put this game away early.

The Pack has a terrible 2 minute offense. They desperately need to learn how to manage time better. Unfortunately, this seems to be a common problem in the NFL as I have seen the Packers, Cowboys, Eagles, Seahawks and other teams run horribly executed hurry up offenses this season. Is there no one out there who can teach teams to run plays designed to eat yardage and conserve clock? Marv Levy, can you run a clinic somewhere on this?

Someone please remind Green Bay each game lasts 4 quarters, not 2.

The Bears hung tough the entire game, but still their defense looks much weaker than years past.

Brett managed to tie another record, this time the all time interceptions record. You take the good, you take the bad.

Easy to point out the trouble for Green Bay, it’s hard to win with 4 turnovers.


Cowboys 25 – Bills 24

Well, unless you are the Cowboys.

What an exciting, thrilling, action packed tilt that went literally down to the last seconds. Ok, it was all that if you were anyone BUT a Bills fan.

I felt for the Bills fans. They were amped for the Monday Night Football return. The first game hosted by Buffalo in 13 years, which seems odd to me. By the third quarter, even though I had picked Dallas, I was hoping for the upset. It’s always great to see the underdog take one. Alas, they showed exactly why they were the underdog by the end.

It was not all bad for Buffalo, as their special teams looked fantastic. The fake punt and then the kick to the coffin corner, which pinned Dallas deep and ultimately lead to the first Bills points of the game were stellar. Then later the kick return team tacked on 7 more points with a touchdown return. Their special teams units only failed them once.

Tony Romo had 6 turnovers the game, 5 of which were interceptions and two of which were returned for touchdowns. One touchdown was scored on a spectacular play in which Chris Kelsay tipped Romo’s pass and caught it in the end zone for the score. Two of the interceptions came within 87 seconds of each other, on the Cowboys first two drives.

With the over throws and questionable plays and turnovers, for most of the game, Romo looked more the rookie than Edwards.

Question, why can’t the Bills run for 1 yard? 2 shots straight up the middle, each netting zero gain. I call this a coaching error, since they should have tried something different on the second attempt, perhaps a bootleg or play action call.

For fun let's review the Bills scoring for the game. 14 points on defense, 7 points on special teams, 3 on offense. There’s your biggest problem.

Despite the badly misfiring offense, the Cowboys only trailed by 7 at halftime. A mark at how bad the Bills, and their offense, are.

Ok, so we found out during the game that Tony Romo keeps a note from Bill Parcells in his locker. Also we found out Trent Edwards keeps a note from Bill Walsh on his refrigerator. Pro football quarterbacks or 14 year old girls with a crush, you make the call.

I could be crazy, but after watching him all evening, Dick Jauron looks like Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark but after they open the ark.

Fourth quarter

Everything in the game came down to what happened here. Let’s look at a few pertinent happenings and finally, the last minute.

The Cowboys defense stepped up to end a Buffalo scoring drive that would have iced the game by intercepting Edwards and deploying a fantastic run back. But I had a problem here with Roy Williams, was dogging it up the field. Roy, allow me to help you out, so this does not happen again against a better team. On plays like this you need to get your ass up the field and lay some blocks. If you had, your teammate might have gone all the way for a score. The ball ended up being fumbled and luckily recovered by Dallas, but if Roy was up there in the first place, this chain of events might not have happened.

Edwards finally made a bad mistake with this play, and at the worst time. He should not have forced that throw. But for that matter the pass play should not have been called. Buffalo was already in position to tack on a field goal and put the game almost out of reach. The Cowboys, and their inconsistent offense, might have found the additional three points insurmountable. This was one of many bad moves by Dick Jauron.

Now, the Cowboys are in possession with the ball on the Bills 17. Two plays in; we have Romo’s 5th interception. This tied a MNF and Cowboy record. Congratulations Tony.

Here is also where we finally see TO jawing on sidelines about losing. However, he did not get into Romo’s face about it. Perhaps this is a softer TO.

I mentioned earlier that the Cowboys are one of the teams with a bad two minute offense. Well, here’s why. They needed 8 points just to tie the game and had 3:45 to get up the field and score. They dilly-dallied so much going 80 yards that by the time they actually scored the touchdown, there were only 20 seconds left on the game clock. The problem arises in the fact that all along they needed the two point conversion merely to pull even with Buffalo, as opposed to having the option to take a lead. Note to Jason Garrett, when you are more than 7 points behind, the hurry up offense NEEDS to hurry up. You cannot rely on a 2 point conversion, you have to conserve some time in case it fails. Now, after the conversion fails and they remain 2 points behind, they have to rely on the onside kick, which is a dicier proposition than the conversion play.

And as a side note, that 2 point conversion attempt should have had a call of defensive pass interference. The DB NEVER played the ball; he played the receiver the entire time never once looking for the ball. That is a classic example of pass interference. Why did the official, who was standing right there, not call this?

This set up a fantastic finish, and these last 20 seconds did nothing but crush Buffalo fans repeatedly. The onside kick is successful, proven after the mandatory review, and Dallas had the ball at the Buffalo 47. This is where the Buffalo special teams let the team down. But I call this more of a coaching failure. You knew this was coming. It was obvious what Dallas would do here. Where were the hands personnel and why was the return team not stacked in anticipation of the kick?

So, Dallas has a 1st and 10 with 18 seconds left and Romo tosses a 22 yard completion to Owens. The offense does a quick line up and spikes the ball. One second remains in regulation as the Cowboys line up for the winning field goal. But wait! Owens never had possession. An official review shows the ball hits the ground. Buffalo fans breathe deep. 2nd and 10 with 13 seconds left, Romo dumps a short pass to the sidelines for 4 yards and out of bounds goes the receiver. Move to 3rd and 6 with 6 seconds left, and another quick throw to the outside flat and out of bounds goes the receiver with 2 seconds left. Where oh where were the defenders on these plays? There are only two logical places for a pass to go, either into the end zone, which is doubtful or to the sidelines. This may be the worst call by the Buffalo coaches all game. All they had to do was take away the end zone and the sidelines. Dallas had no timeouts remaining. Give them the middle of the field. With time ticking down, if they took the open middle of the field, they would have not had enough time to run up, get set and spike the ball. This was proven on the very first play when they barely got the spike off before time expired, and they had 20 seconds to work with. If the Buffalo coaches were smart, all that was needed were to rush two, send 4 to the sidelines and 5 deep.

Now with 2 seconds left, Dallas lines up for the 53 yard field goal attempt by rookie kicker Nick Folk whose previous career high was set earlier that evening. Boom goes the kick, its good, Buffalo is crestfallen and the Cowboys jubilant. But wait; hope remains as Jauron called the timeout before the kick. Icing the kicker has worked thus far, perhaps the magic can linger one more week. Everyone lines up again, and Jauron finds out you cannot ice a kicker with ice water in his veins. Boom goes the kick, it’s dead on like the previous attempt, Dallas is ecstatic and Buffalo has its heart torn asunder for the umpteenth time that evening.

Talking with Tony Romo after the game, Michele Tafoya told him he had 4 interceptions in the first half. He said, 4? She stated yes, and a fifth in the second. Romo shrugged and said it felt more like 7. That’s the type of quarterback you want, one who even when he’s doing terrible still finds a way put the bad behind him and lead the team to victory and can be humble, gracious and funny. That’s a leader.

I said to the Lady K as soon as the Bills took a 7-0 lead that this would be just like last years Cardinals/Bears game. And it was almost identical. Home team a massive underdog who had not hosted a Monday Night game in years, amped up home crowd, the underdog making improbable plays to take a shocking lead, home team choking said lead away in the second half while visiting favorite makes the handful of big plays needed to snatch victory away. Even the score was almost identical.

I picked the Cowboys to win, like I did the Bears last year, so part of me wanted to see them succeed for my own selfish reasons. But like last year, part of me wanted to see the underdog pull it off. I thought as I watched the game it would go down just like last year, the underdog pulls ahead, they fight tooth and nail; the favorite slowly catches up and wins at the last second. And it did. I stated at halftime that the Bills would be fine if they did not do what the Cardinals did last year, tighten up in the second half. They did so well in the first half because they were loose and had nothing to lose. The second half they had something to lose and knowing that caused them to choke it all away.

If it is a mirror of the game last year, then the Cowboys will go to the Super Bowl. Mark it down right now I am making a nonsensical prediction on one game.

When the game ended, I was pretty much on the edge of my seat in anticipation of the post game interviews. I wanted nothing more than to see Dick Jauron come out and start pounding the podium while angrily extolling that the Cowboys are who we thought they were. And the Bills let them off the hook. If the media wanted to crown their asses then crown them, but the Cowboys were who the Bills thought they were. It would have been his only saving grace for such a badly coached game. Alas, Jauron could not even get that right.


NFL, the alternative Universe

Paul Brown Stadium has a pigeon problem. Stadium officials are deploying laser pointers in hopes of irritating the birds so they will leave. Why not just make them pay to watch games? This plan was enacted after a proposal to shoot the birds was withdrawn after complaints by PETA. I’m thinking of a joke involving guns, shooting, and Bengals players, but that seems too obvious. Let’s move on.

Speaking of PETA, Michael Vick spent a day at PETA taking a voluntary animal rights course. He received a certificate for completion of the course and may appear in a public service announcement for the organization. Nope I’m still not buying it; although his sales pitch is getting better.

Pacman thinks he’s done enough and is ready to come back, petitioning the NFL for early reinstatement. Oh yeah? Well, if Pacman was really serious about his NFL career, I would not see him in every ad spot for TNA wrestling. Seems to me he’s mostly just serious about a paycheck and face time. Come on Pacman, Vick looks more convincing than you right now.

The fertile Travis Henry filed a lawsuit against NFL to keep from being suspended for a failing a drug test for a third time. Henry’s defense will consist of the argument that the levels of THC in his system were low, and therefore came from second hand marijuana smoke. I wish I were making this up, but truth really is stranger than fiction. Given that marijuana lowers sperm counts and sexual drive, Henry’s defense should simply be to bring into the court his nine kids and their nine mothers and say, does this look like the output of a man who smokes weed? I’d buy that defense.

The NFL imposed a six-game suspension on quarterback Tim Couch for using performance-enhancing drugs. Couch is considered suspended by the NFL though he is not on any roster and has not appeared in an NFL game since 2003. Really. This is a problem we need to worry about? How the deuce did they even find out? Hey, Roger, you are starting to make me wonder. Are there not more pressing problems going on? What’s the latest on the concussion issue, or the disability payments, or even the New England Cheaters? How come we cannot know what was in those tapes and documents? Nope, none of that matters. We need to worry about marginally talented ex players and their taking of performance enhancers. And while I’m on the subject of getting to important matters, how come I have seen little movement on the Super Bust game?!?!?!?


Steelers Around the World

This week, there will be no game. Even a fictional around the world football season needs a bye week.


Idiot of the week

It was fairly obvious who the idiot was this week. Nope, I do not mind jumping on this band wagon.

Yes we will be standing over the prone form and screaming at Texans defensive lineman Travis Johnson for going off on Trent Green about his low hit. Yes, it was a low hit, and a cheap shot. We’ll be honest about it Trent is not a pristine victim here. But while it may have been low and cheap, it was still a legal hit nonetheless.

What I want to know is what is wrong with someone who goes off on a man prone on the ground and not moving? And then to add more to it later in the locker room by screaming about it to the press. Travis, a little PR 101 here, you won’t get any sympathy from people that way. Sure Green was wrong for going for the legs. But he was trying to block you and protect himself at the same time, and you outweighed him by more than 100 pounds. This in and of itself was a stupid idea. By the way, who set this play up? Was it Cam Cameron? If so, you get an honorable mention for sending your 37 year old quarterback out to block a lineman.

Regardless, Travis you look more the insensitive ass for your actions. It was bad enough acting like a twit on the field, but in the heat of the moment things happen. But afterwards, when the game was over, by going off in the locker room about it to the press? In case you missed that, here’s part of what he said.

"The bottom line is, it was a malicious hit. It was uncalled for. He's like the scarecrow. He wants to get courage while I wasn't looking, and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head. God don't like ugly, you know what I mean?"

Nope, I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean Travis. I do know this; you have definitely beaten all competition this week and are a Grade A idiot. And by the way, the cowardly lion was looking for courage. At least be smart enough to get your references right.


Taking The Week Off

Buffalo – Grief counselors are working overtime in Buffalo this week, trying to get the fans to understand that one day the glory will return. Just not today.

Denver – Shanahan is planning his next master stroke, undoubtedly to bench Cutler for a local Denver high school student because he has better potential.

Detroit – Marinelli will be looking into this new fangled thing other teams are using called defense.

Indianapolis – Nothing special to do but get healthy. Like they need it.

San Francisco – Nolan will take his suits to the dry cleaners and convince Frank Gore not to go mad, that it will get better.

Pittsburgh - "We're five games into the football season. We played five preseason games. Do the math. Anybody who feels good right now is an alien.''
-- Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin, on his beat-up team.

I’m guessing they spend the week getting healthy. Maybe take a day off for some Primanti Brothers and an ice cold Iron City.


On Tap This Week

Ok, let’s check the ol’ score from last week.

Last week 10-4
Season to date 45-31

Hey, not too bad. I did not care that much this week, I was enjoying the complete demolition that happened in Heinz Field too much to notice. Unfortunately, I’ll have to pay attention this week. Although, it will be easier to pay attention since we have three fewer games. Blasted bye weeks.


Minnesota (1-3) at Chicago (2-3)

Ok, so the Bears won. I still say Orton needs to be in the game for the real magic to happen. Lovie, I implore to you, give Orton the ball! Think of the neck beard man!

Bears over Vikings


Miami (0-5) at Cleveland (2-3)

"If you ask me who's going to win the Joey Porter-Kellen Winslow battle: Me.”
- Joey Porter

Normally, I’d side with Joey. But I’ve seen the team around him now.

Browns over Dolphins


Washington (3-1) at Green Bay (4-1)

Santana Moss is hampered with a groin injury and Randle El may be out with a hamstring injury. The Washington defense easily handled the Lion offense, while the Packers had trouble with Brian Griese. Ok, perhaps something special is happening in Wisconsin. Must be the cheese.

Packers over Redskins


Cincinnati (1-3) at Kansas City (2-3)

"There is some selfishness (on the team). We need to work to get (it) out and move on. I'm not going to go into detail. It's a team issue. We need to resolve it as a team and move on."
- Carson Palmer

Looks like some dissent brewing in the Bungle locker room. But they are rested, and Palmer is much better than Croyle and Huard combined.

Bengals over Chiefs


Philadelphia (1-3) at New York Jets (1-4)

Yikes. Well, Philadelphia has had a week off. That has to mean something. Of course, if the Jets play Clemens, you never know.

Eagles over Jets


Tennessee (3-1) at Tampa Bay (3-2)

I’m not sold on Tampa Bay just yet. They haven’t beaten anyone yet. As a matter of fact, the combined record of the teams they have defeated is 3-11. Plus, just who will be running the ball? Yeah, I’m taking Vince again.

Titans over Buccaneers


Houston (3-2) at Jacksonville (3-1)

Nope, nope, nope. Everyone is saying Jacksonville. Nope, not me. You know why? Because two of Houston’s four victories last season came against, you guessed it, Jacksonville. Crazy? Maybe. But history has a tendency to repeat itself.

Texans over Jaguars


St. Louis (0-5) at Baltimore (3-2)

McNair’s back is acting up. I guess we’ll be on Boller time. Hard to trust a team that only scored 9 points last week. But then again, it’s hard to trust Gus Frerotte on the road.

Ravens over Rams


Carolina (3-2) at Arizona (3-2)

Jake Delhomme’s season is over. Carolina is in the capable hands of David Carr and one snap away from the dawn of the Vinnie Testaverde era. Ummm, I’ll Kurt Warner for the win Alex.

Cardinals over Panthers


Oakland (2-2) at San Diego (2-3)

Oakland’s strength lies in its running game. And right now, that does not look good. Sure they had a week off, but will that mean anything if San Diego indeed has its groove back?

Chargers over Raiders


New England (5-0) at Dallas (5-0)

The much hyped game of the week. Ten bucks says it will not turn out that way. The interesting subplot, we get to see Moss and TO on the same field. Who will crack first? Perhaps this note left on TO’s locker will shed some light on it.

"Dear Reporters,

"Due to the magnitude of this week's game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 about the other 81. I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday's game.

"Sincerely, Terrell Owens

"p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready."

Yeah.

Patriots over Cowboys


New Orleans (0-4) at Seattle (3-2)

The team being repeatedly crushed or the one who just got crushed, who should I choose. How about we go with the one with hope left and wanting to prove last week was a fluke, although it wasn’t.

Seahawks over Saints


Monday

New York Giants (3-2) at Atlanta (1-4)

I’d make some comment about crappy competition on Monday night, but after last week it might actually be entertaining. Well, half the game will be entertaining.

Giants over Falcons