The Crystal Ball 2007 Week 7

Last week I took most of week off for various reasons. Some were good, a little time to kick back and enjoy a mid season bye week, some were not so good. By the time everything settled down, Sunday had arrived. Now, I know I rushed through last week’s picks, but no biggie. With a small week, (only 13 games) I figured I had a pretty good chance. But having your mind on bigger concerns causes one to miss a few things, and did I ever.

I was wrong, sometimes horribly, about the following things:

Seattle wanting to prove a point after the Pittsburgh debacle. They did, they are highly overrated in a terrible division. Not quite the point I thought they’d make.

The capability of The Saints to disguise their failings, I hardly saw any of them.

Vinnie Testaverde. Ho, boy did I miss that one. Vinnie must be an immortal from Highlander or a secret member of Heroes. It’s amazing how well he performed, since he was literally sitting on the couch at home as late as Tuesday afternoon. Read MMQB, Peter King did a great piece about Vinnie’s memorable week. He still doesn’t know most of his teammates. Earl Morrell has nothing on Vinnie.

The Cardinals. Their offensive line is not strong enough yet to take control of games. Plus, I did not notice they were one snap away from Tim Rattay. If that does not send a red flag, nothing will.

The Titans AND the Buccaneers, but only slightly. Tennessee probably would have won that game had the Madden Curse not reared its ugly head.

Houston. This was completely my fault. I keep forgetting about the missing Andre Johnson.

The Bears defense, but then lots of people missed that one. They should suit up for a game now and again, like they did last season.

The Vikings offense, but only one part, the part named Adrian. The rest is still as anemic as I thought.

The Bungles, but only by picking them to win in Arrowhead. Look back, I said this kind of collapse would happen weeks ago.

The Chiefs are also working to prove me wrong, but I’m not buying this 3-3 record. At least not yet.


Recap

The Packers defense looks great, and I really like what they are doing with speed and pressure. I still think the team needs viable running game, though. At least one reliable back to grind out the tough yards at the end of a close game would go a long way toward post season success.

I also liked the cheese cloths the Pack fans were waving too. Nice touch. Can I get a cut of the profits if they officially call them Packers Cheese Cloths? And can we get them in cheddar, pepper jack and Colby?

Congratulation goes out to Brett Favre, who now owns the all time interception record outright. George Blanda played into his late 40s, which is a milestone difficult to achieve in the current NFL. At least until Vinnie surpasses him. At this point would anyone be surprised?

Note to opposing defenses, Chris Cooley needs to be defended at all times.

Adrian Peterson – Wow.

To all the media pundits out there, please, let’s get over the icing the kicker thing. It’s gamesmanship and every coach knows it, uses it, plans for it and expects it. This argument that it makes the end of games look ridiculous is, well, ridiculous. If a team starts celebrating too early, that’s their fault. Personally I think it adds some drama. Will the coach call it? Will the kick go through? Will the offense pull the play off before the time out? Will someone have a conniption fit on the sidelines?

The Madden Curse strikes again and the immortal Kerry Collins found new life, or at least a job for a game. Tennessee cannot win with Vince the Younger on the sidelines. The team optimism drops faster than Britney’s dignity when Vince cannot play.

The Bears defense cannot, at this point, stop the run or the pass. You think they’d take Tank and his issues back at this point?

Gee, the Bungles showed that stellar defense off again last week. For the first time this season Larry Johnson hit 100 yards rushing and got himself a nice touchdown. I said it before and will say it again, THE BUNGLES HAVE NO DEFENSE AND DID NOTHING TO IMPROVE IT. I love saying I told you so.

Is dissention beginning to tear the delicate fabric of the Bungles apart? I’d say possibly, but I have not seen a lot of action on the Cincinnati police blotter yet.

So much for that shoulder injury Damon Huard was nursing. His line was 264 yards and 2 touchdowns. I can think of at least five starters in the league that probably need that kind of injury to improve their games.

Also, congratulation goes out to Tony Gonzalez who claimed the all time tight end touchdown record. Great player and a classy guy who could have complained about his team years ago and never did. Love guys that are loyal like that and still outstanding players. Such shames the Chiefs aren’t going anywhere soon to take advantage of Tony’s talent and leadership.

A side note folks; let’s relax on calling Baltimore’s defense back just quite yet. It’s not like they had a tough opponent on Sunday going up against the hapless and injured Rams. They would have had a better challenge facing Appalachian State.

While no one is noticing, Kyle Boller is quietly laying claim to the quarterback job taken from him.

Devin Hester. Really, what more can one say about him at this point? He is just fabulous and a joy to watch. Fun fact, in 22 regular season games, Hester has 9 special team returns for touchdowns. The NFL record is 13 set by Brian Mitchell in 223 career games. Hester could break that THIS YEAR. It’s been said a million times, so what is one more time. Why does anyone kick the ball to him?

San Diego traded a 2008 second round pick to Miami for receiver Chris Chambers. Ladies and gentlemen, it is official. Miami has given up on the 2007 season. Dolphin fans, you are no longer required to continue supporting this team through the remainder of this travesty of a season. Please exit in an orderly fashion through the nearest turnstile, and proceed directly to South Beach. Upon arrival immediately begin to drown your sorrows with tasty libations and engage in questionable behavior with the gorgeous denizens found there until you feel better. Thank you for coming, see you in 2008.

The Sporting News did a ranking of coaches in the league this week. In the head coaching category, Mike Tomlin came in 10th, the only rookie coach to get into the top 10. Hmmm, that seems low. He has already beaten one coach ranked above him and faces another this weekend. Perhaps after pasting #3 Shanahan, he’ll move up. Bill Belichick is, of course, number one. But he had Clarence Beeks intercept the actual rankings and replaced them with his own, so that explains that positioning.

Dick LeBeau was ranked as the number 1 defensive coordinator and Bruce Arians as the number 5 offensive coordinator. That sounds about right. Hey Bruce, you have some room for improvement, get to work.


Patriots 48 – Cowboys 27

I did watch some football this weekend, but only one full game. Wanna guess why I picked this one? Yeah, I guess I do enjoy torturing myself.

This game was evidence of the difference between the AFC and the NFC.

Is it wrong to openly root against a team I picked to win? When Dallas took that third quarter lead, I cheered even as my picks were falling apart. This must be what it’s like to be a fantasy owner when a player on your pretend team goes up against your real team. That kind of conflict can fry one’s synapse relays.

Sammie Morris gets injured and Maroney is on the bench. No problem, throw in Kevin Faulk. Damn Patriots.

One positive for future opponents, the Patriots trailed in this game in the second half for the first time all season. If it bleeds, we can kill it.

The 3rd quarter pass interference call on Dallas should have been offensive pass interference, since Moss ran into a set defender. Where is Ed Hochuli when you need him?

Dallas had too many mental errors yet again. Holding and illegal downfield contact calls on their defensive backfield were the biggest culprits. They will never beat a good team, let alone one like the Patriots, if they continue making those types of mistakes.

Rodney Harrison = Jackass. He trash talked before the game about shutting down Jason Witten. Actually, taking away Witten is exactly what you need to do to stop the Dallas offense, as Witten is a viable threat and Romo’s security blanket. Right after hearing that during the broadcast, we see Witten burn Harrison for a 25 yard gain across the middle. Harrison makes the tackle, and then proceeds to get to his feet and start celebrating. Hey Rodney, you were just smoked for 25 yards, what exactly are you celebrating? Doing a poor job? If you had done your job properly, he would have never caught that ball.

Later Harrison was openly holding Patrick Crayton in the end zone on Crayton’s touchdown catch, and then had the audacity to complain to the officials about Crayton. Hey, Rodney, you were holding you jackass! So many Patriots to hate, so little time.

Why was the Texas stadium sound crew playing sweet home Alabama during a timeout? It had nothing to do with the game, it just made me wonder. Maybe they have a marketing deal with KFC.

4th quarter, 10 minutes remaining and Dallas has the ball on 4th and goal at the Patriot 5 yard line down by 14. Dallas kicks the field goal and officially gave up. To the surprise of no one, Dallas never scored again. After that, the Patriots smelled blood and proceeded to put together a punishing clock killing drive with a gigantic dose of Faulk.

They were not the only ones there throwing in the towel, as the crowd gave up too. Hardly a soul got up to try and throw off the Patriot drive.

388 yards passing and 5 touchdowns, can’t anyone do something to stop Tom Brady? How about we all have a talk with Bridgette to start some baby mama drama to try and distract Tom.

Brady to Moss, boy does that combo drive me nuts. When is Randy going to lose his mind? Please? Where is that Moss at?

Why, with less than 3 minutes to go and a 14 point lead, was Brady still in the game and throwing? This sort of stat padding makes me want to drive an ice pick into my temple. Sure, I know you’re thinking it would make anyone who is a fan of another team sick, and just about anyone would be fine with it if it were THEIR team, much like how every Patriot fan can easily justify it now. But it should make Patriot fans sick as well for four reasons.

One, its bad sportsmanship, and while the sporting landscape seems to be devoid of it in our modern world, it should still mean something. Plus, it will create bad karma. It is, to some degree, already seeping out through the fan base and into the Red Sox. Deny it all you want, but it makes you wonder how all of their starters have suddenly become ineffective sans one.

Two, if this continues all they are proving is that with deep pockets and a big cart, anyone can buy a championship. Ask any Marlins fan how good they still feel about 1997, especially after 1998.

Three, the better they are, the more the questions about how they became so good will linger like stinky cheese. Remember, the surveillance they did would not help them in the game they taped, but in FUTURE games.

And four and possibly most importantly, if Belichick keeps up this sort of eff you behavior, it will only be a matter of time before some angry team with nothing to lose decides to break Brady in half just because.

Wait, aren’t the Patriots playing Joey Porter and the Dolphins this week? Hmmmm.

Yes, I know, I’m reaching.


NFL, the alternative Universe

The Browns and Chiefs have fought and clawed to 3-3 and semi-respectability.

The Bengals and Saints have reverted to form and are squarely at 1-4.

The proud Dolphins have reached a new low at 0-6, effectively put a big stamp on the rest of the season and are walking with it to the post office. Hey, maybe they’ll set another record this year, kind of like the 72 squad but in reverse.

Seattle coach Mike Holmgren was hopping mad (I love that phrase) because NBC cameras caught a brief look at his play calling card during the game broadcast. Yeah Mike, that’s what you should be worried about after getting trounced two weeks in a row, that the camera saw your play calling card that only you and your team can decipher. How long before that becomes a major excuse when they tank a game?

Kevin Everett is making “solid and noticeable progress”. A better story could not be written.

However, worse ones can.

Najeh Davenport was charged with domestic violence, child endangering and unlawful restraint stemming from a confrontation with the mother of his 5 year old son. Nothing good lasts long. I do not know all the details of it, and I’m sure this emerged from already existing animosity between the two as well as money issues. But Najeh, no matter how things go, you should never do that such things. Keep your head about yourself and remember, as much as she may be trying to hurt you, or use your son for leverage, he’s still his mother. Show some respect and teach your son to respect women, and people, as well. Plus, arguing and fighting with her while she’s holding the boy? Come on man! That’s the kind of behavior one would expect from….
O.J. Simpson! So now two of the Juice’s co-defendants are copping pleas and turning on him faster than Superman turning back time. It does not look good for Nordberg, as it seems these gentlemen are confirming guns were involved, which would bring on a whole new world of troubles. Apparently, the Juice said the following to his cohorts before the memorabilia liberation went down.

"Hey, just bring some firearms. We won't have to use 'em, but … just to look tough, you know, so that these people know that, you know, we're here for business."

Now I don’t believe that one bit. Everyone knows O.J. loves the personal touch of a knife to show he’s there for business.


Upon Further Review

Just a small question, as a few weeks of observation has got my mind wondering. Why do defenses give an 8-9 yard cushion off the line of scrimmage to receivers? It seems to be nothing more than an open invitation for a quick throw to the outside and an easy 6-8 yard pickup. Sure, if the quarterback makes that throw, and the defensive back reads the play correctly, he will make the highlights on Sportscenter for “jacking up” the receiver. But how often does that happen? Usually one quick juke in that scenario and the receiver is off, leaving the defensive back to try to figure out where that burning smell is coming from. How many times have I seen Brady or Manning (the Peyton version) do this in their careers? Like a million? And how many times were they successful at it? Like almost a million? I’m not sure where it comes from, either lax defensive coordinators or egomaniacal corners and safeties, but this has got to go. Why give up yards and the ability to lay a hit on the receiver for no sensible reason? Am I grossly missing something?


Steelers Around the World

In a return to action, the team this week travels to Italy for a game in the capital city of Rome. Home to more than 2.7 million residents, this city dates back to the 8th century BC. Rome has been the center of many key moments in human history, being the center of the Roman Empire, the location of Vatican City, a key center during the Renaissance and the home of the fascist government of Mussolini during World War II. These barely scratch the surface of the story of Rome.

The history of this city is found throughout, with architectural marvels dotting the landscape that have been around hundreds of years. Such sights of historical note one visiting this beautiful city must see include the Roman Forum, the Pantheon, the Catacombs, Circus Maximus, the Baths of Caracalla, the Arch of Constantine and much more. There is so much more Rome offers, including the arts, culture and museums that add to the rich tapestry of the city. Even a long weekend visiting for the game would not be nearly enough to see and experience everything this city has to offer.

The history of sports in Rome is almost as rich as their artistic ventures with sporting events, competitions and gladiatorial battles that date back almost to the founding of the city. The city in more recent years hosted the 1960 Olympics and is in the running for the 2020 Olympics. Romans regularly enjoy a spirited soccer match as well as rugby, basketball, tennis and to a lesser extent cycling.

For the game, the ideal location, at least to me, would be The Colosseum. This ancient gladiator arena once held 50,000 blood thirsty fans. But as it has not been used since the 6th century, and is in ruined condition due to earthquakes and stone thieves, it would not be such a good idea.

However, Rome also has the Stadio Olimpico to offer for our needs. Built in 1936 and the center of the 1960 Olympics, it houses 82,000 raucous fans for regular soccer matches and the occasional FIFA World Cup. When Pittsburgh takes the field, they will find waiting for them on the other sideline Detroit. After all, when you are in Rome, how could you battle anything but Lions?


Resistance Is Futile

It took me a while, but I finally figured it out. The Patriots are not a dominant team. They are not a greater sum than their parts. They do not have a superior coach. No, none of this is true. The root of their success is easy to explain, and so simple I’m surprised no one has picked up on it yet. The Patriots are the Borg.

Think about it, it all makes sense. You cannot stop them. You cannot defeat them. It might be possible to slow them, but that momentary success is always followed by a severe retaliation. When one is injured, two more fill his spot with no drop off in production. They can remain effective, much like an actual Borg, if up to 78% of their collective is damaged or out of commission.

They have no remorse for their victims. They look upon the vanquished with a cold disinterest. You can see a perfect example of this at the end of each game when they start running up the score, turning each contest into a blow out and crushing the soul of their opponent. They suck the life out of the opposing team, leaving them broken shells with no hope remaining. Did they need the last touchdown in Dallas? No. But they have been programmed to score during a game. As long as the game is still occurring, and there is time on the clock, they will continue on their mission.

You want more proof? No problem. Look at all their talk about buying into the team concept and the Patriot way. This is not a philosophy, this is in actuality assimilation.

Randy Moss provides a prime example of their assimilation. A loud, boisterous malcontent his entire career, Moss was seen by many to be a potential locker room cancer and albatross to the Patriots. What happened? Nothing. No one has heard a peep from him the entire season. All we have seen is stellar plays and record production. And why is this? Simple, Moss has been assimilated into the collective. His uniqueness has become a part of the Borg.

They neither accept nor glorify individual honors or awards. All team, all the time. Everything that is done is done to improve the collective. They even changed how pregame introductions are done, choosing to be introduced as a team and ignoring individual distinctions. They do not even make a distinction on the back of the jerseys between Kyle Brady and Tom Brady. Both are merely known as Brady.

And like the Borg, once they conquer they assimilate the vanquished. Look at last year. The Dolphins beat them 21-0. So what do they do? They spend the off season acquiring and assimilating Sammie Morris and Wes Welker. This improved the collective and destroyed the Dolphins. Another foe coldly dismantled and assimilated. The year before that, they did the same to Junior Seau.

When one becomes disconnected from the collective or is no longer useful, they dispose of them. They clear out perceived weaknesses and dead weight without emotion or concern to improve the collective. Deion Branch became disconnected, now he is banished to the Pacific Northwest. Willie McGinest, Lawyer Milloy and Reche Caldwell all were disposed of after their usefulness was deemed over.

How do you defeat such an adversary? How do you stop them? Is there any hope left for the rest of the league?

We need Jean Luc Picard more than ever.


Idiot of the week

Phil Simms joins the esteemed ranks of idiots this week, although Rodney Harrison did give him a run for his money. What brought the former Giant and Super Bowl champion to this exalted position? Why his commentary during the Patriots/Cowboys tilt of course. Phil said the following making me wonder if the brains of every fan watching a game would explode if he teamed up with Joe Buck.

“Tony Romo is throwing the ball.”

“Tony Romo is in this game” emphasis on in

“Both teams will throw the ball.” Coming out of halftime

Come on, is there not one decent color commentator out there who does not yap just to make noise and justify a paycheck? I thought Jaws would make a difference and set the bar, but it seems as though he has been grasped by the monster of clichéd broadcasting and she’s dragging him into the pit of mediocrity.


Taking The Week Off

Cleveland – Tell me, who’s living the high life this week more than Drew Carey? He started his new gig on The Price Is Right, he got engaged, the Browns are showing more life than they have in years even looking downright frisky, the Indians are in the American League Championship Series and are leading, plus the Cavaliers have LeBron James and relevancy. Cleveland rocks indeed.

Green Bay – Lubing and replacing any non functioning parts on Bionic Favre.

San Diego – The team, minus the coaches and staff, are having a weeklong retreat to pray that Norv Turner does not screw up and change back to the offense from the first 4 games of the season.

Carolina – What else to do but teach Vinnie about the offense and who the players, the coaches and the staff are and stocking up on Ensure.


On Tap This Week

I watched G.I. Joe as a kid. I grew up aware, and taking to heart, that knowing is half the battle. I also had a teacher once that told me paying attention was half the battle. I figured if I paid attention and knew the battle was won. This is what you get when you do neither.

Last week 7-6
Season to date 52-37

Ok, I paid attention this week. But will I know?


Baltimore (4-2) at Buffalo (1-4)

Ok, Buffalo showed some life against Dallas and had a week off. Now they have named Trent Edwards the starter. I could see them winning some games. I doubt this one, though. Baltimore has a penchant of sticking it to lesser teams. Buffalo is, to them, a lesser team.

Ravens over Bills


Minnesota (2-3) at Dallas (5-1)

Adrian Peterson has announced his presence to the NFL. Dallas, however, needs to show they can win. I am giving Dallas the edge and think they will use the Vikings to cleanse their palate from the previous week. I know, I thought Seattle would do the same thing last week. Dallas is a better team than Seattle, though.

Cowboys over Vikings


New England (6-0) at Miami (0-6)

Yeah, Brady does not do well in Miami. I think that wisdom will go right out the window before halftime. Entertaining side note, this could be the week Joey Porter snaps. Could be the only reason to watch.

Patriots over Dolphins


Atlanta (1-5) at New Orleans (1-4)

Who is watching this game? Ok, two teams with similar records, but each team is going in a decidedly different direction. Wanna guess which is which? Hint, the bad team has a new quarterback this week.

Saints over Falcons


San Francisco (2-3) at New York Giants (4-2)

Middling defense, Alex Smith regressing and Frank Gore stuck in first gear; things are not looking good for the Niners. The Giants continue to roll, especially with Brandon Jacobs back.

Giants over 49ers


Arizona (3-3) at Washington (3-2)

You think Washington will make the same mistakes they did last week in losing to the Pack? Think Kurt will last long if he gets sacked on that bum elbow? Me neither.

Redskins over Cardinals


Tennessee (3-2) at Houston (3-3)

If Vince plays, then it's the Titans all the way. He loves to put on a show in his hometown. If he does not, then Houston takes it, especially if Andre Johnson does play. It looks like Vince will play. Tough call. I’ll pay for it Monday either way.

Texans over Titans


Tampa Bay (4-2) at Detroit (3-2)

Another tough call, as Tampa is playing strong but Detroit is rested. I don’t know if home field means anything here. Another one I’ll shake my head about on Monday, but sometimes one has to take a chance on a feeling.

Lions over Buccaneers


Kansas City (3-3) at Oakland (2-3)

I don’t buy either team. But Larry Johnson is finding his stride and Oakland has the 28th ranked rushing defense. Recipe for disaster

Chiefs over Raiders


New York Jets (1-5) at Cincinnati (1-4)

Yuck. Ok, both teams are crappy, but at least Cincinnati can throw the ball further than 10 yards. Pennington finally implodes completely, and the Bungles stave implosion off for one more week.

Bengals over Jets


Chicago (2-4) at Philadelphia (2-3)

LJ Smith is doubtful to play. Brian Westbrook could have a field day with the suddenly porous Bear defense. As long as Philly does not kick to Hester and keeps the game in Griese’s hands, they’ll be fine.

Eagles over Bears


St. Louis (0-6) at Seattle (3-3)

How many bad match ups are there this week? Ok, how about the team with a somewhat healthy, and playing, starting running back. Either Holmgren gets to boast all is fine or Seattle starts unraveling at the seams.

Seahawks over Rams


Pittsburgh (4-1) at Denver (2-3)

This game seems awfully familiar too. Do we play Indianapolis next week?

Steelers over Broncos

Monday

Indianapolis (5-0) at Jacksonville (4-1)

Is it just me, or is no one talking about the Colts? The defending Super Bowl champions are at 5-0 and they get less press than a weekday curling competition. Think that is motivating? You want specifics, fine. A rested Colt team is going up against a Jags team that embarrassed them last December in a nationally broadcast primetime game. Now, Peyton is on the biggest stage of the week feeling slighted because they are being ignored by everyone in favor of the Patriots even though they are the champs and has all his weapons back and healthy. Now who do you think will win?

Colts over Jaguars