The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 6

Did ya miss me? I sure missed you. The Lady K and I are in treatment for DFS, but it looks like we might, just might, pull through. And during our absence, so much has happened in the NFL, my head is swimming and common sense is thrown asunder.

While we are still in treatment, (the full treatment will not be set until next week, details to come), how about we fill in some gaps, make a little fun and look at a few picks?

Recap

Question, is Jim Zorn really pulling this off in Washington? After week 1, who would have thought they might be the secret beast in the NFL East? I’m personally stunned, and wondering if his absence is the missing link in Seattle.

How far can the Bungles sink? Hey, didn’t the greatest minds covering the NFL tell us all they were a team on the rise just a few years ago?

How long before everyone starts turning on Ted Thompson and demanding his head on a platter? I give him one more bad Packer loss.

It’s painfully obvious now; the Colts are in for one tough season. It’s not gonna get any easier with some people saying Eli is a better quarterback than Peyton. What planet are we living on?

What is up in Miami? They tear apart New England and then shut down Tomlinson and the Chargers? I knew it; I should ALWAYS listen to Joey Porter!

Ok, let’s just say it. Sage Rosenfels screwed up royally. But let’s not gang pile on the guy too much. At least he was trying. Far more than you can say for anyone on the Lions, or Raiders, or Chiefs.

Lawrence Maroney has said he has his issues for not running the ball well this season for the Patriots, but he will not go into detail. Larry, I got you covered. Here’s why your carrying of the rock has been poor. The Pats offensive line is mortal for once in Belichick’s reign, and opposing defenses have been keying on the run and daring Matt Cassel to beat them with his arm. Does that about sum it up Larry?

For his uncanny ability to leap onto the pile after the tackle has been made, Ray Lewis won Peter King’s defensive player of the week despite the fact that the Ravens defense gave up a late game touchdown that won the game for the Kerry Collins-led Titans. Ok, when can we finally all admit that Lewis’ career has been pumped up by two indisputable facts: One, he’s always in the center of the camera because whether he makes the play or not, he leaps on any pile he can find, and two, he’s a media whore and pimps himself and his “accomplishments” at any opportunity.


The Steel Pit

The Steelers are sitting pretty this week with some time off and a sweet 4-1 record. But such a lauded position does not come without a price. After two heavyweight fights against the Ravens and Jaguars, the price has been beyond high.

Roethlisberger is banged up again, as is Jeff Reed, Marvel Smith and Cary Davis.

Willie Parker is still recuperating, but at least expected back soon.

Rashard Mendenhall and Kendall Simmons have been lost for the season.

No one has ever needed a bye week more than Pittsburgh. But despite the setbacks, some positives have come out of the last two weeks.

Despite starting off very slowly in the Ravens game, the team found the needed sparks to jumpstart their offense and beat a fierce and determined squad.

Big Ben has come to realize he’s one of the best quarterbacks in the league and is playing as such. More importantly, so have many NFL observers. Nice of you to get on board national media! Those of us who follow Steeler football have realized that for years. Mind you, I know Mr. Bouchette has been a big proponent of Ben for some time and I am not calling him out. It’s others I’m putting on the spotlight at the moment. But his article really brings home my point.

The defense, with huge contributions from LaMarr Woodley and Lawrence Timmons, is looking far stouter than it has in years.

Tomlin has realized that if the offense operates without Arians sticking his nose into things, then the team runs so much better.

That covers good and bad, but the ugly comes from a few vocal and boozed up fans. I know the team played crappy the entire 1st half of the Ravens game, but booing them at home? Come on, who are we, Patriots fans? Why turn so quickly? No, we are much better than that. And I’m not the only one who thinks this. Thank you kindly Mr. Tucker, but those of us who are charter members of Steeler Nation knew this all along.


NFL The Alternative Universe

Eric Mangini’s third son was born early Friday, October 10th, the same day as BRETT FAVRE’S BIRTHDAY! And what did you do to celebrate this soon to be named national holiday? In keeping with a promise he made while the Jets were courting their current quarterback, Mangini and his wife gave their new son the middle name of Brett. I wish on all the stars in the heavens I were making this one up. Of the naming, Mangini said,

"I think he thinks it's pretty cool. I think the more interesting, ironic, I don't know what word you'd use, is the fact he was born on Brett's birthday."

Honestly, I don’t have the words or the jokes. Please write your own. Send them in and I’ll print the winner. I’m too stunned to properly make fun of Mangini. Bill Belichick is exempt from this contest.

James Harrison was fined $20,000, for criticizing the roughing the passer call assessed against him in the Jaguars game. Harrison was correct to criticize the call, especially since his hit on Garrard was a tenth of the hit Shaun Rogers put on Roethlisberger in the Cleveland game that was never called. And I’m not the only one that thinks so. Big Ben backed up his defensive teammate.

My personal opinion: I didn't think it was a late hit and I usually stand up for quarterbacks.

Hines Ward was fined $5,000 for unnecessary roughness on a play that was never flagged. Hines, be careful out there. Those defensive backs are delicate flowers.

In a move that surprised maybe one, the Rams fired Linehan. I hate to say this, but the Rams screwed up again. They canned Linehan too soon. If they waited just a week or two more, he would have most likely had the kind of classic meltdown that would have made a classic Coors commercial. In their second gigantic screw up, they named former Saints head coach and current Rams defensive coordinator Jim Haslett as the interim head coach. Yeah, that’s your answer to turn this disaster around, the architect of the 30th ranked defense in the league. Good call Georgia! She really is a special gal, ain’t she?

We needed worry, though, I’m sure Rod Marinelli will give us that Coors commercial yet. And do not you ever doubt it, ever ever ever. Don’t ever doubt it.

In the worst kept secret in the NFL, the Raiders put poor Lane “Lance” Kiffin out o f his misery. I wish Kiffin the kind of success found by Mike Shanahan, and he gets another job and the opportunity to stick it to Al Davis twice a year. I’m sorry, but it’s just too much fun watching Oakland intentionally sabotage itself week in and week out. It’s familiar and comforting, like a well worn sweatshirt or John Madden talking of his love of food.

Speaking of which, listening to Madden anymore is like listening to an aging uncle who is losing his grip on reality. He’ll start talking about a certain play, formation or player, and then segues into some odd non sequitur about food, a player from 1945 or the toilet on the Madden Cruiser. I mean, did anyone else find it immensely hilarious hearing him talking about his overflowing plate at Wilma McNabb’s Philly team buffet?

If you ever entertained the thought that maybe, just maybe, fantasy football might just be a giganto waste of time, and I know I have, here’s another convincing reason that it might be time to grow up and avoid getting involved in this nonsense and getting some semblance of a life.

Yes, politics do make strange bedfellows. Just ask Tony Romo.


Upon Further Review

If ever you felt the need to pray for an NFL player, and I’m sure many have not at least since Kevin Everett, then pray for Richard Collier. The true nature of Collier’s injuries, suffered in a shooting incident on September 2nd, came to light recently. This man now has an immensely hard life in front of him, and he has been dealt this hand for no reason other than the fact that he was a victim of random violence. It disturbs me, as it did with Sean Taylor, that there are people in this world that resort to violence and lash out at others just because they are jealous of those who work hard to achieve fame and fortune. Our society is far too me first, and these kind of incidents are but a horrible road mark of a terrible path we are all traveling down at a breakneck speed.


Idiot of the week

Oh, the nominees for Idiot of the Week have come to us fast and furious since last we shared in the joys of the NFL world.

Terrell Owens – The Cowboys suffer their first loss of the season. They were embarrassed at home by the Redskins. The whole team made one bonehead mistake after another, and they never had the cohesion needed to defeat a determined opponent. So, with the team reeling from defeat, what does their all pro receiver do? What he always does, place the blame on everyone else but him. He states in his post game interview that the team would do much better if he would get the ball more often. As the always astute, but former Bungle, Cris Collinsworth pointed out, the Cowboys ran one third of their plays to or through Owens, yet they still lost. Ahhh, TO, how quickly you place the blame elsewhere once the chips are down. But we’ve heard this before in Philly, and Frisco, so no victory here.

Adam Jones – Oh, Pacman strikes again. Jones was involved in an altercation in a downtown Dallas hotel with a security guard. While some reports have stated Jones may have been drinking, the Cowboys have stated they will not assess any discipline. Of course not, Jones has his hands full with Terrell “it’s all about me” Owens. When would he have time to reel in Pacman? Still, no winner here as Pacman is merely reverting to form.

Plaxico Burress – Burress, who has admitted to having a time management problem, was suspended for last week’s game by the team for missing time from the team. Burress maintains his absence was family related and was unapologetic. What makes Plax a candidate? Can we really call him an idiot for tending to family? No, certainly not. We’re always big supporters of family here. But Burress never spoke with one team official about his personal situation, just took off. He’s a nominee for not being able to make one simple phone call and then sitting on his butt and watching the Giant offense roll on without him with zero issues. Not bad, but come on, Plax is just picking up the mantle left by Jeremy Shockey. You must do better than that.

Roger Goodell – the good commissioner has spent the last week fining Dolphins Ronnie Brown, Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe as well as Viking Antoine Winfield for touchdown celebrations. Good call there Roger. Never mind the Steeler ownership issues, the concussion problems on the field, the outstanding issues with older players and their health and pension problems, the ongoing issues with the CBA and potential for a collapse of the entire bargaining system as well as a headless players union since the passing of Gene Upshaw or NFL players being targeted by physical violence by criminals, the fight with cable networks over carrying the NFLN or even the inconsistent calls for banned helmet to helmet hits, roughing the quarterback calls and other questionable on field behavior that seems to be arbitrarily penalized and fined. No, don’t worry about that stuff. Make sure you clamp down on the natural exuberance shown by young men that succeed at their jobs. Yes, putting a stop to that will fix what ills the NFL. While Roger sure does deserve it, we’ll give him a flyer while he gets a stronger grasp on the job. After it all, it took Paul Tagliabue a few years to get the hang of it.

Which leaves us with but one true winner, and the award goes to…..

Al Davis – Now, honestly, Al could have won for the season by signing Javon Walker to a ridiculous deal alone. But what pushed him over the edge this week? Was it the long drawn out firing of Lane Kiffin, which we all knew would happen? Or perhaps it was his backing of Rob Ryan and not Kiffin, who truthfully is the real reason the Raiders have been blowing games with his awful defensive calls in the fourth quarter of games? Or perhaps his naming of who dat Tom Cable as his interim head coach? Or just maybe it was his twisted, incoherent, cringe-worthy diatribe in the press conference announcing Kiffin’s firing? All of those are good, but what really pushed me was his predictable, and nonsensical, firing of Kiffin after only 20 games on the job. Obviously, he never gave poor Lane a real chance to clean up the mess left by Art Shell and Bill Callahan. But Al really never learns from his own mistakes. Al, do you happen to remember the last coach you only allowed to coach 20 games? Why yes, it was Mike Shanahan. You know, the same Shanahan who has won two championships in Denver? The same one who takes an inordinate amount of pleasure in spanking your Raiders thoroughly each and every time his Broncos face your team. Well guess what Al? Here’s hoping the Chiefs get fed up with Herm Edwards and hire Kiffin and you get twice the torture. Al, you are an Idiot.


Taking the Week Off

Bills – The team is spending the week making sure the last game was merely an aberration, and the people of Buffalo hoping the Toronto deal is merely just a few games played across the border for a few years and not an audition for Canada.

Chiefs – There’s nothing they can do short of an implosion of the team that could fix this mess. Especially since they lost to the Raiders.

Titans – Jeff Fisher will keep pumping up Vince Young’s ego while at the same time improving the props in his special secret room where he keeps Kerry Collins to continue fooling him that it’s 1994.

Steelers – The team will do the only thing it can do, present the best off Broadway performance of M*A*S*H ever known to mankind.


On Tap This Week

In the two weeks since last we chatted fondly next to the fire sipping brandy, much has happened with our win loss record.

Two weeks ago 8-5
Last week 12-2
Season to date 48-27

And last week, we won the poll and climbed within 3 points of the overall lead. HA! Take that paid NFL prognosticators! But like the mighty Mississippi, which I’ve recently crossed, the river keeps on rolling, as do we.


Sunday

Chicago (3-2) at Atlanta (3-2)

Ah HA! I told you the neck beard would rule all! I shamefully admit I doubted its power. I doubt not this week. Matt Ryan may have defeated Packer mystique, but he cannot overcome the neck beard.

Bears over Falcons


Miami (2-2) at Houston (0-4)

The Texans try so hard, just like the clumsy kid on the playground in a pickup game of kick ball. Unfortunately, they perform just like said clumsy kid.

Dolphins over Texans


Baltimore (2-2) at Indianapolis (2-2)

Baltimore looks much better than Indy right now. But they’ve lost two in a row. And the Colts, who should be 0-4, have been fighting for survival and finding a way to win no matter what. I’m betting on Peyton too, if only because it could mean a new commercial campaign.

Colts over Ravens


Detroit (0-4) at Minnesota (2-3)

Marinelli and Kitna have been Secret Service level secretive about the quarterback’s status for Sunday. Oh, that bodes well for Sunday. I say we’re two games away from Rob’s meltdown and three from his termination.

Vikings over Lions


Oakland (1-3) at New Orleans (2-3)

Yeah, the Saints had a tremendous meltdown Monday night. Thanks guys, by the way. But something tells me they’ll take out their frustrations on the rudderless Raiders. Stupid Oakland, I mock your idiocy.

Saints over Raiders


Cincinnati (0-5) at New York Jets (2-2)

Could the Bungles possibly get something in the win column this week? Hee hee, no. Reports are that Carson Palmer is out again and the fantabulous Ryan Fitzpatrick will be back under center. Wow, what a time to be a Bungle fan.

Jets over Bengals


Carolina (4-1) at Tampa Bay (3-2)

Ok, finally a tough one. Honestly, I’m not sure and I might be going against the grain here, but I think John Fox can get his boys fired up enough to take one on the road.

Panthers over Buccaneers


St. Louis (0-4) at Washington (4-1)

No matter the coach, or quarterback, the results remain the same. St. Louis sucks. Not Raiders suck, but pretty damn close.

Redskins over Rams


Jacksonville (2-3) at Denver (4-1)

Wow, where did the Broncos find some defense? Will it be enough to overcome the reeling and severely handicapped squad from Florida? You betcha.

Broncos over Jaguars


Dallas (4-1) at Arizona (3-2)

Yeah, the mystique around Dallas has been punctured, and Arizona has been on the warpath. But for some reason, I think Romo and company has enough to overcome Warner and his boys. Perhaps it’s just 40 years of NFL history that tells me such things.

Cowboys over Cardinals


Philadelphia (2-3) at San Francisco (2-3)

Oh, I know who’s gonna win this game. The Eagles, no doubt about it. I learned as much from McNabb’s blog. I’m sorry, but I have trouble trusting a quarterback and team leader who calls out his team, and himself, on a blog instead of taking care of business in house. As I write this on a blog…..

Eagles over 49ers


Green Bay (2-3) at Seattle (1-3)

Rodgers has an injured shoulder; the team is reeling from three straight defeats. No worries, the tonic of Seattle is here! Sure it would be easy to beat them with a questionable running game and receivers straight from the unemployment line. But as a bonus, the Pack gets to face their opponent minus Matt “I make lame commercials for NFL Network” Hasselbeck!

Packers over Seahawks


New England (3-1) at San Diego (2-3)

Oh, you damn well better believe the Bolts will be out for revenge! And they’d get it, if it weren’t for the fact that Chris Chambers will be out for the game, and LaDainian “I’m looking for karmic payback by calling myself LT” Tomlinson is hurty, and the defense is questionable, and Norv Turner is the coach.

Patriots over Chargers


Monday

New York Giants (4-0) at Cleveland (1-3)

I’ll provide in depth analysis as soon as the Giants play a real game.

Giants over Browns