The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 13

Wow, twice in one week, and both on time? The odds of that are about as high as Oakland winning in Denver, and we know that would NEVER happen.


Opening Kickoff

Bay area lawyers were interviewed this week for a potential compensation lawsuit between Al Davis the NFL. Apparently, he watched an episode of the Simpsons, and cannot figure out why he was never paid for his work as C. Montgomery Burns.


Recap

Going back to last Sunday’s game against the Jets, I think the Titan receivers need some lessons on how to hold onto a football. Just don’t let Braylon Edwards teach them.

How does a 5 yard offside penalty offset a 10 yard holding penalty? Sometimes I just do not understand NFL rules.

Wow, the NFL really wanted Favre to be the one who knocked off the undefeated Titans. I know Tennessee played pretty crappy, but there were more than a few questionable calls that went against them too.

Joey Porter got an unsportsmanlike penalty for talking? Shocking

Even in an off year, well off year by their recent standards, the Patriots are just jerks. Really, did you need that last touchdown? Ever hear of being a humble winner Belichick you jerk? Ever hear of kneeling down? Or will you use the old standard argument, what were we supposed to do, not score?

Oh, and real classy how you teach your players to behave against a division rival Beli-jerk. Glad to see Matt Light is another recent graduate of the Bill Belichick School of Class. Is there anyone on that team who isn’t a douche bag?

Tampa Bay really started out their game in Detroit like they had the week off. At least they made up for it by scoring 35 points in 18 minutes. I guess when you play Detroit, 18 minutes of actual football is all you need to put forth.

Oh, look TO had a big day. Will we ever hear the end of it?

Oh look, Favre had a big win. Will we ever hear the end of it? Hey, Jets fans, just remember this. Favre has been really solid and mistake free lately, but there will come a time when he blows a game with some asinine throw while he “gun slings”. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it. It will happen. Ask anyone in Wisconsin.

See Norv Turner. See Norv Turner horribly under coach a talented team. See Norv Turner at the end of the game go for the tie instead of a touchdown. See Norv Turner call an inexplicable time out on 4th and 2. See Norv Turner leave 1:35 left on the clock. See Norv Turner give super clutch Peyton Manning more than enough time to get down the field and have uber clutch Adam Vinatieri kick the winning field goal. See Norv Turner lose yet ANOTHER game. See Norv Turner before the season and his job ends.

Just a note to all Saints fans who were cheering after the game during the ESPN broadcast. The who dey chant is as played as the wildcat. Let’s all agree to let it go.

Ed Reed has held the NFL record with a 106 yard interception return for touchdown for quite some time. But no longer, now holds the record with a 108 yard interception return for a touchdown.


The Steel Pit

Is it just me, or does it feel like a million years have passed since last the Steelers played? Or am I just being a bit dramatic?

What wasn’t dramatic was the outcome. Shocking the Steelers beat the Bungles. Oh, it wasn’t a perfect game; the Bungles did have their opportunities. But they never capitalized.

Yes, I know, the score was fairly close for a while but was it ever in doubt? I mean despite one drive, the defense just dominated. Troy Polamalu is just a demon and James Harrison is a man playing against boys. Oh, how I cannot wait to see what they can do this weekend. It’s about time Cassel faces a real defense. Sorry, I started salivating a bit.

The offense did quite well too. Over 35 minutes of possession and 121 yards rushing sounds nice and looks much nicer at the end of the game.

I knew the game was in the bag in the fourth quarter when the Steelers led 20 – 7 and the Bungles opted to kick the field goal. When you are down by 13 points and have nary mounted a decent drive all game and you decide to chicken out instead of at least trying to win, well you might as well run up the white flag. At that point the Bungles officially gave up and were only out to lessen the margin of defeat. I feel really bad for Cincinnati fans, because good gosh the Bungles suck

And they’re stupid too. They yapped before the game about payback against Hines Ward and his hit on Keith Rivers. But when they got a chance, they pounded the wrong receiver. Oh, and I felt bad for Santonio Holmes because he got nailed. He left the game with a concussion, but should be fine by this Sunday. Although here’s hoping he doesn’t cross the middle like that again.

All was not wine and roses though, as we did lose a few players. Brett Keisel went out of the game with a strained MCL and will miss at least this week’s matchup in Foxboro. While it’s best to be going on all cylinders against New England, I can take solace that at least we have Polamalu, Clark and Smith in the defensive line up, three players who were not playing last year against the Patriots. That should help shore up the defense immeasurably.

The Steelers also lost Parker later in the game with what was called a tweaked knee. But it raises the question, is it time to shelve Parker and go with Mewelde Moore and Gary Russell?

Moore has come on and shown he can break a run and is a viable check down receiver. And Russell has played like a man possessed in short yardage situations. Both of them play like guys who need a job, not guys who have a job, and I love what they bring to the field.

Perhaps its time these two should be the primary backfield weapons for a while. Not hating on Parker, mind you, just throwing out an idea to utilize what we have. It’s either that or start searching for a new Bus. Like that will happen. A big back with quick feet and long term durability is rarer than a 4 leaf clover and brings 10 times better luck.

In other news, the team cut Paul Ernster after his horrendous punting performance and resigned Mitch Berger. Seriously, have they ever thought of picking up the phone and calling Chris Gardocki? Sure the man has a few years on him, but at least we know he can get the job done. Just sticking a bee in your bonnet Tomlin, let it buzz around and see how it sounds after another crappy punting performance.


NFL The Alternative Universe

Just a quick question, if the NFL contracted the Lions, Rams, Raiders and Chiefs, at this point would anyone notice or care?

Rod Marinelli is so close to completely cracking I can taste it. And it’s gonna be better than Denny Green losing it. Oh it will be sooooo much better.

Is it just me, or has Shawn Rogers just been a huge addition to the Browns run stopping defense? Oh, sorry, just reading some old Browns press releases and got fooled for a second.

Redskins cut Shaun Alexander. Boy that experiment didn’t last long.

Michael Vick pled guilty to the state dog fighting charges this week. Good. Now, when will he plead guilty to being a despicable human being?

St. Louis Rams OL Richie Incognito apologized to fans this week for criticizing the dwindling Ram fan base, making an obscene gesture to a cameraman during a practice and riling up fans after the game Sunday. First, I’m surprised there are any fans left. Second, if anyone on that team is going to apologize, they should start with apologizing for that crap that St. Louis tries to pass off as football each week. And third, if the Rams really want to do something for the fans, how about offering a refund?

If the Colts and Giants, and Peyton and Eli, make the Super Bowl, how will we as viewers know when we’re watching the game or the commercials?

I’ve seen a few sportswriters comment about Detroit’s unfortunate season. Why is it unfortunate? Look, Detroit sucks and has for a long time now. Thanks to the monumentally horrible job done by Matt Millen, the team has been nothing but a punch line for years. Now they are 4 games shy of going 0-16. I say, embrace it! Until this season, they’ve just been terrible. People make their jokes and move on, and nothing memorable is left. If they achieve 0-16, everyone will remember for a long time to come. No one remembers 1-15. If you’re going to be bad, be horribly, terribly, and memorably bad. Go Lions, you can do it!


Upon Further Review

Oh, this one is super personal. Roger Goodell you have gone too far.

First, you and your cronies at NBC blatantly ripped off my John Madden cooking show idea. Ok, for fairness sake, I did give it to you. But to co-opt a great idea and turn it into a cheesy cookbook is just wrong. I handed you a fantastic idea on a silver platter, and you went for cheap cash. Roger, if you did the show like I asked, you could have had another product to pimp, more air time, more advertising time and revenue and STILL put out a cookbook. Ok, I’m calming down. It’s not my fault you kids are short sighted.

But moving the Pro Bowl to the weekend before the Super Bowl? How dare you.

Ok, I’ll give you the fact that the relevance of the Pro Bowl is, well, zilch. And finding a way to give that game meaning would be fantastic. I’m not quibbling with moving it occasionally from Hawaii, although many players and coaches who use that trip as a well earned vacation probably have something to say about that idea. Sometimes tradition does need to move aside for progress, although I’m not sure a decent case could be made here. Regardless, my issue does not reside with this aspect of your proposed changes.

Oh, no, my issue has to do with the proposed date switch, moving the game from the weekend after the Super Bowl to the weekend before. I know two weeks of Super Bowl hype is way too much. That’s why I came up with the Super Bust. A perfectly excellent idea that would add a game, excitement, an increase in commerce, advertising, bonuses for the teams involved and a multitude of other benefits that have been expounded here regularly.

And from what I’ve read, you want to use the Pro Bowl to achieve many of those things. It will bring needed relevancy to the Pro Bowl, which is great. But looking over the Super Bust benefits, look at how many would be achieved with the Pro Bowl sandwiched between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. I’ve highlighted them for your ease.

- A chance for two fan bases to see their team in action one more time before next season
- An added opportunity for one team to end their season with a win.
- Some extra earnings for players
- A chance for each organization to strengthen their team monetarily and physically with added income as well as additional draft choices
- An opportunity to show how futile picking Super Bowl winners before the season really is
- An extra football game when we really need one
- A weekend of football and fun in Las Vegas
- A perfect excuse to go to Las Vegas (like you need one anyway)
- An excuse to have another big game party, this one where the game really does not matter
- A chance to use the game as a warm up to your real party the next week for the Super Bowl. Try out those far out recipes you think may not work on the real game day. Almost like a Party Pre Season.
- Staving off football withdraw for another two weeks
- Another game for the NFL Network to air, giving more practice to both their broadcast crews and technical crews as well as increasing demand for the network itself
- Something for the sports media to talk about during the dead time when all other Super Bowl stories and angles have been beaten to death
- food and service industries seeing a bigger bump in production and sales, thus adding more stimulus to the economy
- Businesses around the world that have a stake in football seeing an increased profit, adding even more stimulus to the economy
- The advertising industry having another forum to debut killer commercials, almost like an exhibition commercial season
- Better play from the preseason favorites during the regular season, since none of them would want to play in the Super Bust

Wow, over half of the benefits created by the Super Bust would be achieved by a moved Pro Bowl. Maybe more if Vegas turns into a potential future site. Fine, good, sounds great. But let me ask you, was the idea of the Super Bust just too much to handle? Too great of a concept that you had to squash it?

Roger, Roger, Roger you do not have to be scared. I was not trying to usurp you, nor show you up. I just wanted more football. Instead of trying to crush a new idea, why not embrace it? Why not blend this into your ideas? Come on, give me a call and bring me aboard. I know if we put our heads together, not only could we make this idea better and get that Madden cooking show on the air, but we could mastermind a zillion other ideas that would push NFL popularity into the stratosphere and make all other sports almost irrelevant. I’ve got ideas, don’t be scared. Trust me you’ll be pleased.


He Said He Said

"They unleashed me today." Dallas WR Terrell Owens

This only means now his mouth will be unleashed.


“But you learn from your mistakes, and if you don't, you either don't care or you're a dumb ass.'' - Jacksonville assistant head coach/tight ends Coach Mike Tice

I just like Tice using the word dumbass.


"I only played three plays so I really couldn't tell you what happened. I don't really know. I wasn't paying attention. I didn't care really." – Titans RB LenDale White

Yeah, and it looked like White wasn’t the only one not caring against the Jets.


"If they ask me again, I'll say the same thing," – Steelers S Anthony Smith when asked about his victory guarantee from last year’s Patriots game.

Anthony, what if I asked you to shut your pie hole?


"I don't want to talk about Chad. We're 1- 8 with him. We're 0-1 without him.'' - Cincinnati WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh

No, but I’ll bet Chad wants to talk about Chad.


“Doesn't it seem like it's six times a year we're staring at the TV, watching Vinatieri win a football game? I will be very surprised if Vinatieri does not make the Hall of Fame. Too many clutch kicks to be denied.” – SI.com Peter King

I enjoy pointing out the obvious, so allow me to gently remind you Mr. King that you are on the Hall of Fame election committee. You could actually do something about this. Perhaps maybe start convincing some of your peers that this strange prejudice of kickers when it comes voting time is more than a tad ridiculous, especially since many times the outcome of games hinge on their legs? Maybe Peter?


“(Quinn) is not on a short leash.” – Cleveland head coach Romeo Crennel

Uhhhhh, then why did you pull him so fast last weekend?


"He's already been punished enough. They gave him his penalty. He paid his penalty. What else should they do to him now? All it was was dogs. They act like they don't even like pit bulls anyway. That's the funny thing about it if you want to get back on that topic. I got pit bulls, I got to put them under a different breed just to travel. So you can't even fly pit bulls nowhere. It's a breed they don't care about. It's not like he was fighting cocker spaniels or something that they like. They don't really care too much about pit bulls." – Dolphins LB Joey Porter

Oh, Joey come on. Sometimes I’m with him, other times, well….. Wait, you think this was the trash talking that got him that unsportsmanlike penalty?


Idiot of the week

Trust me, Roger Goodell and his changes listed above just about grabbed this honor. But this week, no, the winner was too obvious, and a touch painful. It’s like the Russian sub commander in The Hunt For Red October when he finds out he must go after and destroy Sean Connery’s character. This week we hunt for Joey Porter.

Look, I agree that a man, once he has paid for his crimes, should be given a second chance. But that chance should come once that man has learned what he did was wrong, pays for his crimes and most importantly shows remorse for his actions. Thus far, the first and especially third of those things seem to be lacking from Michael Vick.

Mr. Porter seems to think differently, and I cannot agree or abide by that. Has Vick been punished enough? Maybe. But he has not shown remorse for his actions. And as his sadistic actions while running those dog fighting rings has shown, and unfortunately as more information comes out keeps showing, he has not shown he has earned another chance in the league. Playing professional football is not a right, it’s a privilege. Something too many players seem to forget.

And give me a break Joey; it’s not that it was just dogs. You are a pet owner, you know as well as the rest of us pet owners know they are not JUST dogs. They are members of the family, constant companions that love us unconditionally, no matter how big a douche bag we might become. As a dog owner yourself, you should know that to those who have these magnificent beasts they are never just dogs.

And nor is it about a hate against pit bulls. Yes, pit bulls have developed a bad reputation, but if there truly was a discrimination against them, would the public have had such a fuss about what Vick did?

Plus, you seem to have forgotten three huge parts of his crimes. One, which has been coming out lately, has been his torture of these animals, and by amusedly training them with non fighting pets. That’s just horrible. It takes a sick mind to not only do that, but to do it and find enjoyment in it. You really wanna back that Joey? What if he threw one of your dogs in that ring? Sure your pit bulls might survive, but would your Maltese? And two, this ring involved gambling, a serious no no in the NFL. Oh, and don’t forget three, he lied to everyone about it. His teammates, coaches, owner and the commissioner and probably singlehandedly destroyed the Falcons last year.

Yeah, maybe he should get another chance, once he’s shown he really does recognize what he’s done is wrong. Until then, he can watch the games on Sunday just like the rest of us.

So for minimizing what Vick’s done, for not recognizing he only cares about what he’s done because it now impacts his life, for marginalizing the same dogs you profess to love, for ignoring the serious gambling aspects of his crimes as well as the sadistic torture involved and for running that motor mouth of yours way too far, you’ve earned the title of idiot. Now Joey, start doing something seriously good to get back in my good graces but toot sweet.


On Tap This Week

Ok, so I didn’t ace my picks on turkey day, although that turkey did take a whipping.

Thursday 2-1
Season to date 112 – 75

Stupid Eagles, stupid McNabb, stupid Warner, stupid Cardinals that suck on the road and against decent competition. Just of note, if not for serious mistakes by the Cardinals, Warner and Boldin I’m looking at you, Andy Reid would have blown that game. And almost did. His asinine challenge combined with crappy play calling on 2nd and 30 plus risking Westbrook, the true core of his team, just shows me he is awful. Be forewarned Eagle fans. It’s not going to get better.


Sunday

San Francisco (3-8) at Buffalo (6-5)

Ugh, I cannot believe at 3-8 San Francisco is in second place in this crappy division.

Bills over 49ers


Baltimore (7-4) at Cincinnati (1-9-1)

Hey, maybe Lewis and company can tie Baltimore you know for that all important moral victory? Bwha ha ha ha ha.

Ravens over Bungles


Indianapolis (7-4) at Cleveland (4-7)

Good move Romeo, start playing quarterback roulette. That’ll build consistency in your offense and confidence in your signal callers. Gee, I wonder why Cleveland sucks. Well, at least Quinn’s broken finger makes these decisions much easier for coach Crennel. It also makes this pick that much easier.

Colts over Browns


Miami (6-5) at St. Louis (2-9)

Wildcat, no wildcat, doesn’t matter. Miami will be just fine.

Dolphins over Rams


New York Giants (10-1) at Washington (7-4)

Intriguing matchup and an intriguing game. But Zorn’s boys have had trouble coming up big in big games against big opponents. That’s a big thought.

Giants over Redskins


New Orleans (6-5) at Tampa Bay (8-3)

We saw what New Orleans can do. So did Tampa Bay. Something tells me with the division on the line, Gruden took some notes.

Buccaneers over Saints


Carolina (8-3) at Green Bay (5-6)

Ok, both teams looked uber crappy last week. No doubt about it. But I’m going on Green Bay’s mettle to pull them out of this funk. Or at least Lambeau having a touch of magic left in her.

Packers over Panthers


Atlanta (7-4) at San Diego (4-7)

Mike Smith has been an NFL head coach for a grand total of 15 games, 4 preseason and 11 regular season games. Already he has cemented his reputation as a better head coach than Norv Turner. I’m backing that guy.

Falcons over Chargers


Denver (6-5) at New York Favres (8-3)

Sigh. No way am I picking Denver. And I’m sure all we’ll hear after this game is yet more talk of the Jets heading to the Super Bowl and how Brett is the greatest human being of all time. Perhaps it might be time to break out my Patriot ear plugs from last year.

Favres over Broncos


Pittsburgh (8-3) at New England (7-4)

Stupid New England is actually doing quite well without Brady. But not perfect, their defense is weak without Thomas, Harrison and a seriously banged up Vrabel. Now if we can just get rid of Cassel. Considering that the New England offensive line is not what it used to be, that could be possible. Harrison and Woodley your after thanksgiving feast is ready.

Steelers over Patriots


Kansas City (1-10) at Oakland (3-8)

If these two teams met in the woods and played the game, would anyone care?

Raiders over Chiefs


Chicago (6-5) at Minnesota (6-5)

The Neck Beard is preparing for a final push for the division and a playoff run. I fear for all of those who stand in his way.

Bears over Vikings


Monday

Jacksonville (4-7) at Houston (4-7)

What a stinker. No wonder people eschew watching MNF. I know Houston did quite well last week, but it was against the imploding Browns. At least Jacksonville lost to some real competition, theoretically. But you know what? The Texans play tough against Jacksonville, even when they’re good. Taking a chance….

Texans over Jaguars

The Crystal Ball 2008 Thanksgiving Special

Welcome to the Crystal Ball Thanksgiving special. This time of year we feel the pull of gathering with family and friends for love, laughter, food and fun. And we use this time to reflect on the year that we have lived through, and count our blessings. We take this time of reflection to give thanks to all the good things that have happened in our lives, thanks that we survived the bad things, and thanks that we are able to get up each day coming forward for more good, more bad, more exciting, more mundane, just more.

Well, the world of the NFL is no different. While some gentlemen will be plying their trade tomorrow for our entertainment, eschewing turkey and stuffing for beatings and first downs, those playing and those preparing for the weekend also give thanks on this traditional American holiday. As you know we here at the Crystal Ball strive to bring you the inside information on the NFL that no one else dares, especially since smart alecky made up nonsense does not constitute real information. Once again for your holiday pleasure we’ve come through with a doozy. Our inside sources have combed the NFL universe to bring you….

NFL THANKSGIVING

That’s right we’ve found out what people in and around the NFL will be thankful for Thursday. So without further ado, take a peek at what those involved in this great game will be giving thanks for right before gorging themselves with turkey.


……….. Is thankful for……….


Mercury Morris – Brett Favre. But aren’t we all?


Mitch Berger – Paul Ernster. Real thankful.


Terrell Owens – Terrell Owens


Peyton Manning – Companies still looking for a goofy pitchman.


Bills fans – The team is somewhat successful and still in Buffalo, for the moment.


The Miami Dolphins – The Big Tuna and Joey Porter. Well, when he doesn’t yap on the field that is.


Ed Hochuli – Bowflex and the legion of inept officials working for the NFL.


Vikings fans – A weak division and the periodic table.


Jim Zorn – a chance.


The Cleveland Browns – being the most successful team in the NFL this season from Ohio.


Tony Kornheiser – Jaws restraining himself each week from popping Tony right in the mouth.


Ron Jaworski – self control.


Falcon fans - Matt Ryan, Mike Smith and new beginnings.


Ravens fans – John Harbaugh, Joe Flacco and new beginnings.


Donavan McNabb – Having a job, at least momentarily.


Andy Reid – Donavan McNabb. A scapegoat is always something good to have around.


Marvin Lewis – Chad Ocho Cinco. See Andy Reid.


The Carolina Panthers – no pressure because they remain under the radar.


Jon Gruden – his super cool collection of quarterbacks.


Giants fans – the best year ever! We’re all thankful for that, actually.


St. Louis Rams fans – only 5 weeks of this debacle left.


Chiefs, Lions, Seahawks, Texans, Bungles and Raiders fans – Same as above.


The Arizona Cardinals – relevancy.


Packers fans – at least they’re off the Brett Favre will he or won’t he carousel.


49er fans – Mike Singletary. At least he’s keeping it interesting, if only in the locker room and at the post game news conference.


NFL charities – Roger Goodell handing out fines more often than Joe Buck saying something stupid.


Jaguars and their fans – Richard Collier recovering and possibly having some sort of a productive life.


The Denver Broncos – Tanning machines and Norv Turner.


Jets fans – Brett’s lack of game screwing interceptions thus far. Yeah, feel good now, but they’re coming. Most likely in the playoffs, when it’s cold and he plays like a 39 year old man playing football in the cold.


Ricki Rachtman – Chinese Democracy. Maybe he can get another cameo in the new videos. I’m still thrown by the news of this album’s completion. Did Axl really release the album? Really? It’s so surreal. I think that’s the 4th sign of the apocalypse.


Norv Turner – the Spanos brothers not looking at his resume before hiring him, and that clock management is not a life dependant skill.


John Madden – Turducken. Of course he’s thankful for that everyday.


The Tennessee Titans –Playing Detroit this week.


Jeff Fisher – Kerry Collins.


Kerry Collins – Second chances.


Patriots’ fans – that lightning just might have struck twice.


Jerry Jones – The ability to turn blind eyes and Dr. Rey.


Bears fans – The power of the neck beard. I love to say it so I will again, I TOLD YOU SO!


Sean Payton – San Diego throwing Drew Brees away.


Al Davis – inmates not having regular internet access.


As for me, relating to the NFL I’m thankful for my super cool team, seeing a game in person, Hines’ House, and the remarkable ability to have an 8-3 record despite a rash of injuries and the NFL’s toughest schedule. I’m also thankful the Pirates are finally making news for something other than their constant losing. But I also look ahead, and here are a few things I hope to be thankful for in the coming weeks and months.


A quick end to the Giants/Jets super bowl talk - Good gravy I’m already sick of it, and it did not really start until this week.

The eradication of the term “pick six” – I have no idea who started this in reference to an interception return for a touchdown, but it’s everywhere used by every lazy broadcaster. What’s worse, some now refer to a simple interception as a pick six. Come on people, get creative.

Another Steelers Super Bowl – Hee hee, well I want that every year.

The complete meltdown of the Cowboys – It’s coming, especially with Pacman’s imminent return. Just wait.

Belichick’s motherboard melting – We could all stand that, especially since his programming has now worked on Cassel.

Al Davis remaining in charge and crazy – Name one owner more entertaining from a train wreck perspective, and I’ll take this off the list. Until then, viva el loco!


On Tap For Thanksgiving

Hey, another decent week.

Last week 10-6
Season to date 110-74

Now if I could have a few wicked good weeks, and get back near the top of the pool, I’d have something for which to be thankful instead of those goofy 8-6 weeks.


Tennessee (10-1) at Detroit (0-11)

Man the Titans played a crappy game Sunday. Detroit did too they came close to ruining their season! Detroit escaped, but Tennessee did not. I think both will be up to form and back on track this week.

Titans over Lions


Seattle (2-9) at Dallas (7-4)

Romo’s back! TO’s hot! The Cowboys are a force again! Yeah right. Oh wait, Seattle’s in town. Ok, they are. You think Holmgren will even try or just stand there scowling while dreaming of ice flows and penguins.

Cowboys over Seahawks


Arizona (7-4) at Philadelphia (5-5-1)

Despite the fact that teams traveling west to east have yet to win a game this season, and they lost Sunday, I’m still going with Arizona. I’ve said it before, but it cannot be emphasized enough. I CANNOT trust a team that cannot beat the Bungles in 5 quarters, period.

Cardinals over Eagles


Me (34-0) at Turkey (0-34)

I sense another championship performance.

Me decimating turkey


I would like to wish a happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope you find some joy and comfort with family, food and fun and something for which to be thankful. See you before Sunday.

The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 12

Whatever happened to the dude who used to show up at football games wearing a rainbow wig and holding a sign that said John 3:16? I miss that guy. He’s been harder to find than my punctuality.


Opening Kickoff

News reports state that Al Davis did not know that your team must have more points than the other in order to win a game.


Recap

Dang Eli can really work the hard count.

Boy the Bears defense just sucks. Really, was firing Ron Rivera that important? Since that season, each year they seem to get just that much more inept.

I cannot figure out who was more afraid of winning, Philly or Cincinnati. I guess it’s a tie. Oooooh!

That, Joe Flacco, is a Super Bowl winning defense. Welcome to the NFL rookie.

Ugh, poor Buffalo. Wide right again? How those fans keep from going postal I’ll never know.

Big game ball to Spencer Larsen, the first player to start both ways in five years. Spencer actually played the entire game, offensively at full back, defensively at linebacker and on special teams. Someone get that boy a Gatorade!


The Steel Pit

Ok, let’s look at the positives. The Steelers won a tough, highly contested game against the Chargers. They got 115 yards rushing out of Willie Parker, 124 yards receiving from Hines Ward and 308 yards passing from Ben Roethlisberger. No touchdowns from any of them, but still good work. They ran 73 offensive plays, racked up a total of 410 yards of offense and kept the ball for over 36 ½ minutes. Plus, their defense held a potent, but poorly coached, offense to 10 points plus scored two themselves which turned out to be the winning margin.

And in a great move, Santonio Holmes caught the last pass of the game for Pittsburgh on the 3 yard line, then fought to get out of bounds in order to preserve clock, as Pittsburgh had no timeouts remaining, and be able to kick the winning field goal. That extra effort from Holmes won the game.

Now, after I feel good about those things, let’s talk about what cheesed my crackers.

The officiating was nothing short of horrendous in this game. The officials’ first mistake came in the 1st quarter, where they called pass interference on Pittsburgh. It was a terrible call because the called the wrong Steeler, and the Steeler who’s number they should have called did not commit interference! He had position on the receiver and was in a better position to catch the ball.

Most of the other penalties in the game were correctly called, although a few were more than ticky tack. What really bothered me about it was the ridiculous disparity between the teams. The officials called 13 penalties on Pittsburgh for a total of 115 yards. San Diego, according to the officials, only committed 2 penalties for 5 yards. While I have a hard enough time swallowing Pittsburgh playing that sloppy, there is no way I can believe they played that poorly while San Diego played a completely clean game. And I’m not the only one. After Willie Parker’s touchdown was called back for holding, even Dan Rooney went to speak with a league observer in the press box.

And then, of course, was the last call where Troy Polamalu’s touchdown was nullified because of an illegal forward pass by the Chargers. More on this later.

Officials the next day stated that they made the incorrect call on Troy’s touchdown, but that sort of hind sight means nothing. What if Troy’s play had meant the winning points for Pittsburgh? If they lost the game because of a bad call, would having the officials admit such bring any consolation? No.

But it’s important to remember the most important thing; we won and are in control of the division again. So things ain’t all bad!


NFL The Alternative Universe

Everyone meow meows about Pittsburgh giving up sacks. Do you know going into the weekend, the vaunted Patriots and Matt Cassel have given up/allowed just as many as Pittsburgh? And they have a crappier schedule and two less wins. Why is no one talking about this? Oh, right, it doesn’t involve Tom Terrific. Sorry.

Oh, look, Pacman has done just enough “cleaning up” to get his job back. Commissioner, everyone is right. Pacman has some serious problems that need addressed by counselors and mental health professionals. How about helping him into some programs instead of some shoulder pads?

Super Bowl Champion and perennial pro bowler John Lynch officially retired this week. John spent the lion’s share of his career in Tampa Bay and was one of the key elements in turning the Bucs from perennial losers to a force. John was a tough competitor on the field who did more with what he had than most who are freakishly talented. John’s biggest talent was his determination and intelligence. Good luck in the future John.

And in just make me seethe news, according to a witness, Michael Vick found it amusing to put family pets into the ring with pit bulls and watch them fight. First off, this just makes me sick. Second, being a pet owner, it makes me fly into a rage. I mean, I have heard plenty of stories about pets being captured as ring fodder, and the thought terrifies and pisses me off. If any team actually does take a chance on this miserable excuse for a human being, they will automatically be inducted into my most hated teams’ hall of fame. And the NFL will lose a ton of luster in my eyes for even reinstating this jerk.


Upon Further Review

The NFL stated they will look into adjusting the instant replay rules allowing officials to make a possible second look if first review is questioned. This change could come by the playoffs and is obviously inspired by blown TD call at the end of the Steelers game. Now, is this change, which seems foolish, to get the call right or just window dressing after yet another weekend of screw ups by referees?

Let’s take a look at a sampling of some of the errors made by the men in stripes this season.

In the Tennessee-Baltimore game, the officials did not correctly call a stop to a play in which a false start occurred. A false start by an offense automatically brings a stop to play.

Aaron Rodgers was flagged for an illegal forward pass, even though he was throwing in the direction of a receiver and an illegal forward pass can only occur past the line of scrimmage, something Rodgers was far behind.

During the Chargers-Steelers tilt, where the officials obviously had some serious nonsense going on, the worst call came at the end of the game. Polamalu broke up the lateral and scored an icing touchdown. But after review, booth official Mike Wimmer stated the touchdown shouldn't count because of an illegal forward pass during the laterals and when the penalty occurred the ball should be ruled dead. No, that is not how the rules work. How it works is the play plays out, and then Pittsburgh would be given an opportunity to take the penalty or decline it. Unfortunately, the other officials agreed with Wimmer, showing that no one in charge of officiating knew the rule book.

The constant inconsistencies in calling obvious penalties regarding helmet to helmet hits, something the NFL has preached about eliminating and appropriately punishing.

Ed Hochuli, one of the leagues most respected officials, erred on the side of caution at the end of the Chargers-Broncos game, incorrectly calling Jay Cutler’s fumble an incomplete pass.

If even Ed is making mistakes, it’s time to make a serious change. And the change is one that should have come long ago. It is beyond time the NFL hires full time referees. I know the arguments against it, what would they do most of the year, how would we keep them busy, how can you justify the costs? Look, the answers are right there.

A) What would they do most of the year – well, how about studying the rule books? The examples above are but a short list of the errors made by referees where they show having a distinct lack of knowledge in basic rules of the game.

B) How would we keep them busy – well, studying and testing, both in theoretical knowledge of the rules and practical application of said rules? Have them demonstrate learned knowledge. Have them practice by officiating for mini camps, training camps, and semi pro leagues. This would also help the players learn more about the rules and what is acceptable on the field play.

C) How can you justify the costs – come on, this is the flimsiest excuse the league uses. You are a billion dollar industry; you have the scratch to make this happen. And if you really want to justify it besides the fact your bank account says so, think about this. The NFL is the most popular sport in the country, and the only one who allows its precious product to be potentially decided by part time workers. How many games have you seen where it looked like the referees are dictating the outcome? They sure looked like they were trying to do just that in the Chargers-Steelers game. And that control and power over highly contested and in the NFL universe important games is in the hand of guys who do this on the side.

My biggest concern, and it should be the league’s as well, is that these referees who do not seem to have full knowledge or a firm grasp on the rules, will make a mistake that will not only directly affect the outcome of a game, but it will be one that also affects the outcome of who makes the playoffs. There are more than a few teams that are on the bubble right now for a playoff spot, and if one of those teams loses a game and a playoff spot because of a blown call, you can damn well bet that an admission of error and apology will not suffice. And some owner will go so far to take legal action. I’d bet on it.

The NFL needs to do this, they just need to. There needs to be more consistency between crews, between calls made on the field and how things unfold each week. If the league does not do this, take this issue seriously, fans will eventually turn because they cannot take the inconsistency anymore. And then where will the golden goose be?


He Said He Said

"Injuries are as much a part of the game as blocking and tackling. We don't make any excuses in that regard. The people who play for us are the Steelers and the standard of expectation does not and will not change.” – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

I like Tomlin more and more every week.

“My mother always said, 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' I'm not commenting about the officiating." – Steelers WR Hines Ward

Fine Hines, I’ll say it for you. It’s BS and getting worse, and why you seem to have become a target, I want to know.

"The Panthers had the day off. They hosted Detroit.'' - Keith Olbermann

Tampa Bay has the week off this week. Hee hee.

"You want to go out on the street and look for me? If you bring somebody back, I'll look at him. You go out in the street and find one." – Lions head coach Rod Marinelli

Hey, and while you’re looking, can you scare up a punter for Pittsburgh?

"I am not 0-10; you are 0-10." – Lions head coach Rod Marinelli

You’re a towel!

"Donovan, your legacy will be throwing up in the Super Bowl, Rush Limbaugh and now -- not knowing there were ties!!!" Warren Sapp

Sapp is right, but it’s hard to take someone serious who participates in a televised dancing contest.

“You can’t play this game scared.” – Steelers WR Hines Ward

Hear, hear.


Idiot of the week

Yeah, this one is pretty obvious. Our winner this week is Eagles quarterback Donavan McNabb. Now, I know you’re thinking it’s because he did not know the NFL overtime rules specifically that after 5 quarters if the teams are still deadlocked the game ends in a tie. Yes, that was stupid, but since he’d never been in the situation and it’s been 6 years since the last tie, I can kind of understand. If I really stretch my imagination I can understand.

The kicker that got him this week’s honor, not being able to beat the super crappy 1-8 Bungles! If you cannot beat the Bungles, you are an idiot!


On Tap This Week

This week, not too shabby.

Last week 11-5
Season to date 100-68

Of course, it would have been much better if Philadelphia knew the simplest rules of the NFL that even grade school kids know. Yeesh.


Thursday

Cincinnati (1-8-1) at Pittsburgh (7-3)

Please, you know who I picked. A more in depth analysis coming next week, but I will give you this. Read Ross Tucker’s great perspective on Ward’s hit on Keith Rivers and the Bungles misguided nonsensical talk about paying Ward back. A great piece from a former player with great inside knowledge and I highly recommend it.

Steelers over Bungles


Sunday

Philadelphia (5-4-1) at Baltimore (6-4)

I’m sorry, but if you cannot beat the Bungles in five quarters, I can no longer trust you. Period.

Ravens over Eagles


New York Favres (7-3) at Tennessee (10-0)

Tennessee will lose at some point, but I don’t think this week. Unless the NFL really wants the Favres to be the ones who topple the giant.

Titans over Jets


Tampa Bay (7-3) at Detroit (0-10)

Hee hee, yeah right. Welcome to your Thanksgiving day special, the 0-11 Lions.

Buccaneers over Lions


Minnesota (5-5) at Jacksonville (4-6)

Jacksonville is a shadow of itself, and Adrian Peterson is not.

Vikings over Jaguars


Buffalo (5-5) at Kansas City (1-9)

Buffalo will finally find offense, and Herm will start brushing up his resume.

Bills over Chiefs


Chicago (5-5) at St. Louis (2-8)

Please. I don’t think the Rams could win a game of who can fall down the fastest.

Bears over Rams


New England (6-4) at Miami (6-4)

I’m going with Joey here. Plus, I just like the idea that New England is weakened and could miss the playoffs.

Dolphins over Patriots


San Francisco (3-7) at Dallas (6-4)

Well, if Singletary drops trouser again, all bets are off. But for the moment, I’m going with the train wreck that is America’s team. Is it not weird to think this game was once looked upon as a marquee match up?

Cowboys over 49ers


Houston (3-7) at Cleveland (4-6)

Brady Quinn has a broken finger. I still like him more than Sage Rosenfels.

Browns over Texans


Oakland (2-8) at Denver (6-4)

Do you think if the NFL contracted a few teams, specifically Oakland, would anyone be upset?

Broncos over Raiders


Carolina (8-2) at Atlanta (6-4)

Oooooh, good match up. How far as Atlanta truly come? Not far enough. Yet.

Panthers over Falcons


New York Giants (9-1) at Arizona (7-3)

I wanna take the Steelers West, but Eli and Company just seem too strong. I’m going safe pick.

Giants over Cardinals


Washington (6-4) at Seattle (2-8)

Just a few more games until Holmgren’s transformation into a walrus is complete.

Redskins over Seahawks


Indianapolis (6-4) at San Diego (4-6)

San Diego and Norv Turner suck. Peyton and Tony Dungy do not. You do the math.

Colts over Chargers


Monday

Green Bay (5-5) at New Orleans (5-5)

Oh, how much fun is it to watch everyone learn that the Giants were so very right about Jeremy Shockey. Well, except for Saints players, personnel and fans.

Packers over Saints

The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 11

Welcome to the Crystal Ball, where procrastination is not merely a science, but an art form.


Opening Kickoff

I was right, Penn State did get screwed. Unfortunately they screwed themselves. Nice showing when it mattered with an extra week to prepare, guys. Sigh.


Recap

I was worried that Culpepper might make a positive difference. Whew!

Wow, the Rams really suck.

I have decided the Jets can no longer be called the Jets. From now on, they are the New York Favres. It just feels right.

Singletary is already equal to many of his coaching peers. His clock management skills are terrible. Although going for the win does differentiate him a bit.

Cardinal fans, why were you booing at halftime? Have you had that much success over the past 6 decades to be that finicky?

Awww, look, Jeremy Shockey is causing problems for New Orleans? I thought this was a new leaf for him. Didn’t he say he could thrive there? Oh, he meant thrive as an even bigger douche bag. Good luck coach Payton.

Allen Rossum gained no more than 5 yards anytime he received a kickoff last year with Pittsburgh. This year with the 49ers on Monday night he unleashes a 104 yard TD return. I guess last year he was just saving it up.

And who made the big stop for the cardinals at the end of the game? Clark Haggans that’s who. Ladies and gentlemen your 2008 Arizona Steelers.

Ok, for once I have to give Herm Edwards a compliment. That took guts to go for two at the end of the Chiefs/Chargers mess. It was also the right call, as you have better odds getting a 2 point conversion than getting the ball in overtime plus you challenge the players to win the game. But Herm, didn’t you realize the charger D would key on Gonzalez? Oh, you didn’t? Ooops.

Boy, I hope the Rams can get this contract situation with the league straightened up and they can lock up Jim Haslett long term before someone else nabs him. Any coach with nothing left to lose for t he season and down 40 points on the road who decides to kick a field goal instead of at least trying to score a touchdown is the coach for me. Gee, I cannot imagine why New Orleans canned him.

I like Shaun Hill’s moxie, struggling for a first down helmetless. He seems to want to win. That kind of attitude, and the play I saw from the 49ers Monday, just might translate into a win or two.

Ok, it’s well known the NFL is a copy cat league. I mean look at the proliferation of the shotgun offense over the past 5 years. But really, must everyone have a Wildcat play? What’s the next high school play to make an appearance in the NFL, the muddle huddle? If you know what I’m talking about, you totally get a cookie.


The Steel Pit

Two of the last three games the team started out strong, taking a lead, and could not hold it by the end. A bad omen, foreshadowing for the season, or maybe something as simple as those damn Manning boys, Crimoney I hope it’s the last one.

So Ben is playing hurt, although he’s not making excuses for his play and nobly taking responsibility for the team’s performance, and it’s showing on the stat sheet and win/loss column. The running game is stagnating horribly, and now Deshea’s out injured depleting a weakened secondary.

So with all this seemingly bad luck, what do many feel is the team’s biggest problem? Bruce Arians. I have maintained, and continue to, that while Arians is not a great offensive coordinator, he’s not killing the team. Luckily, I’m not the only one who feels this way, as evidenced by this great article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

In my opinion, if Steeler fans really want to call a coach into question, how about questioning offensive line coach Larry Zierlein. What exactly is he teaching those guys?

To add to the growing fervor and frustration of the team’s current fortunes, I saw some douche bag on a message board who stated that Tomlin faced his successor a few weeks ago and he thinks the Steelers will be coached in 2009 by Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo. First, yeah right. Second, do you know the Rooney family at all? Cowher had three successive losing seasons and they gave him a contract extension. You think Tomlin is going to be canned? He could lose every remaining game and they’d keep him. Third, you really think Dan and Art II are dumb enough to give up after two years on a man many inside and outside the league continually call the best young coach in the NFL? If they did, then I would be positive somehow the delusional disease currently afflicting Al Davis had spread to Pittsburgh.

Let’s all calm down. Keep these things in mind. The Steelers are 6-3 despite serious injuries and lost playing time or even a lost season from Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, Marvel Smith, Heath Miller, LaMarr Woodley, Deshea Townsend, Bryant McFadden, Rashard Mendenhall, Kendall Simmons, Daniel Sepulveda, Greg Warren, Casey Hampton, Brett Keisel and a few others. These players are significant in the success of the team, and without them in the lineup; it impacts how well the team performs.

And they’ve amassed this record while playing the most difficult schedule in the NFL. If you ask me, that’s not bad. And on more positive notes, we’ve played most of the NFC East, the schedule gets a touch lighter, and people who have not been lost for the season are beginning to come back starting this week. One win will be the salve to make everyone forget the woes of the Steelers.


NFL The Alternative Universe

The Favres signed Ty Law to go up against the Patriots. Will they cut him next week?

Tom Brady has returned to Foxboro to begin his rehab with the team. It’s like a Christmas miracle!

The NFL announced this week that they will drop prices for playoff tickets this year. Smart move, as most people no longer have houses to mortgage in order to pay for playoff tickets.

Bankruptcy attorneys working for Michael Vick have outlined a plan for the disgraced former quarterback to pay back his debts. The plan is contingent on Vick returning one day to the NFL. Vick’s attorneys have stated that Vick does expect to be reinstated and procure employment. I was going to scoff at that belief, but something tells me Al Davis would probably sign him. By the time Vick could return he’d probably be bored with JaMarcus Russell and fired three coaches, so I’d say it’s possible.

Speaking of the Raiders, they lost another high profile free agent acquisition this week. Highly overpaid receiver Javon Walker will miss the remainder of the season due to needed ankle surgery. How will Oakland replace his production? I mean this season he has exploded in Oakland’s vertical passing game with 15 receptions for 196 yards and a whole touchdown. They’ll never survive this blow.

Why does the NFL Network only replay Steelers games when they lose? Seriously, can someone give me an answer on this?


He Said He Said

"They took our bye week, so we had to come out there and show 'em that they can throw obstacles at us and we'll just try to overcome them." -- Willis McGahee, RB, Ravens

So, is the they he’s referring to the NFL, Houston, the Texans, the hurricane that caused the damage and destruction or God?

"I called Joe Gibbs a coward for leaving. You came in, you made some money for your NASCAR team. No one else is going to say that. I'm sure more people thought I was a [jerk] for saying that. Joe wouldn't call me because he knows. There are a lot of people who know the truth about what went down with me and the Redskins." – Former Redskin LaVar Arrington

That’s some big talk from a man who couldn’t beg for a job now. Think he might be a tad bitter that Joe didn’t care for him much as a player?


Idiot of the week

No argument, no discussion, no competition. The winner this week was cut, dried and locked up before the early games were even completed. This week the honor goes to frequent winner Joe Buck.

During last weeks Packers/Vikings game, Buck and Aikman were commenting on the large number of Packer faithful present in Minnesota. Buck, then revealing his painful stupidity, stated that he does not know of any team whose fans travel as well as the Green Bay Packers in any sport. Really Joe? Never covered an away game for the Steelers? Ever watch an away game for the Steelers? What a ding bat. And now Joe, for the umpteenth time, you are an idiot.


Taking the Week Off

No one. Not one team is taking this week all. We have a full 16 game slate of action this weekend and every weekend until the season comes to its inevitable, and sad, conclusion. Wait, I just cannot think about that right now. Must think positive, there’s still time now!


On Tap This Week

Not a bad week actually.

Last week 10-4
Season to date 89-63

Except the cat who won the poll went 14-0. Astounding. Hmmm, maybe I can go 16-0 this week.


Thursday

New York Favres (6-3) at New England (6-3)

Yeah, I picked the Pats. And here’s what I say. An overrated New York pass defense, Alan Faneca’s manly mustache, Favre in HD, once again the prevent defense prevents nothing, and the NFL really REALLY wanted Favre to win the game. Really, the Patriots, one of the most disciplined teams in the NFL commits two straight defensive holding penalties in their own red zone? Smells like something is rotten in Denmark. So much for 16-0.

Patriots over Favres


Sunday

Denver (5-4) at Atlanta (6-3)

Forget it; I will not trust Denver again. Jason Elam looks like he jumped ship just in time.

Falcons over Broncos


New Orleans (4-5) at Kansas City (1-8)

So apparently KC is playing some good ball, huh? Tyler Thigpen is working out decently huh? Then why are they 1-8? Oh, because they suck.

Saints over Chiefs


Baltimore (6-3) at New York Giants (8-1)

Joe Flacco, meet tenacious pass rush, tenacious pass rush, meet rookie quarterback. Now that they start playing the NFC East teams, watch how fast that feel good story Baltimore is writing unravels.

Giants over Ravens


Minnesota (5-4) at Tampa Bay (6-3)

A little gumption and a luckily missed field goal got the Vikings a big win last week. But will it work on the road against a solid team? I say nooooo.

Buccaneers over Vikings


Oakland (2-7) at Miami (5-4)

Bah, ha ha ha ha. Go Joey.

Dolphins over Raiders


Detroit (0-9) at Carolina (7-2)

Come on Detroit, you can achieve greatness through ineptitude. And now Carolina is 8-2.

Panthers over Lions


Philadelphia (5-4) at Cincinnati (1-8)

Even Andy Reid cannot screw this one up. Maybe.

Eagles over Bungles


Chicago (5-4) at Green Bay (4-5)

Hmmm, a toughie on the surface, since neither team has been staggeringly good or bad and division games are always tough. But I have a feeling about the Packers. Rodgers is doing well in spite of McCarthy.

Packers over Bears


Houston (3-6) at Indianapolis (5-4)

Well, if the Colts are really back into fighting shape, this should not be a problem.

Colts over Texans


St. Louis (2-7) at San Francisco (2-7)

It’s the crap game of the week! This is what they show to prisoners when they want to break them. Sigh, I suppose someone has to win.

49ers over Rams


Arizona (6-3) at Seattle (2-7)

If I told you years ago there would come a time when Arizona had a 4 game lead over every other team in their division, and that division included the Rams and 49ers, would you have just laughed at me or had me committed? Committed would have been the appropriate action.

Cardinals over Seahawks


Tennessee (9-0) at Jacksonville (4-5)

Tough division game between tough opponents, but Jacksonville is just too depleted and Tennessee is rolling.

Titans over Jaguars


San Diego (4-5) at Pittsburgh (6-3)

Yeah, our Swiss cheese secondary probably looks pretty good to Phillip Rivers right now. But he’ll never be able to exploit it running for his life from Harrison and Woodley.

Steelers over Chargers


Dallas (5-4) at Washington (6-3)

Dysfunction junction, what’s your function? Signing head cases and watching them go nuts. Dysfunction junction, what’s your function? Hiring milquetoast coaches and watching them blow playoff chances. Remember Jerry Jones, you built this team all by yourself, so enjoy!

Redskins over Cowboys


Monday

Cleveland (3-6) at Buffalo (5-4)

Whew, what a tough week to pick. I give up. Hey, just like Cleveland!

Bills over Browns

The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 10

Did ya miss me? While it’s been a wacky season in the NFL, it’s been pretty wacky off the field. Hopefully soon things will settle down.


Opening Kickoff

Brandon Marshall started a war of words with Joey Porter, maintaining Porter is weak, everyone knows it and he has popcorn muscles. Are those like spinach muscles?


Recap

The Bears came from behind to win with the stellar quarterback play of….Rex Grossman?

Good for Kansas City and Cincinnati, it’s so easy to win when all pressure of any expectation is lost.

Although I must say, once again, way to ruin your season Bungles. Everyone would care about a 0-16 team; no one cares about 1-15 or 2-14. Face it; you’re not going 8-8.

At least the Lions have a grasp at immortality. Wait, they signed Daunte Culpepper, and he could be playing this weekend? Awww, man, is there no team with the guts and fortitude to go 0-16? Tampa Bay, where have you gone?

Speaking of Culpepper, I hope he has a few good games left this season. And I hope he puts the highlights on DVD and sends it Priority Overnight to Jerry Jones. Really Jerry, you could get no one better for the team than Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger? You would have been better off bringing back Testaverde.

Rookie QBs Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are a combined 10-6, both with rookie head coaches and with rookie or first time with the team running backs. It just goes to show the power of the human mind. If you do not know you are supposed to fail, you will not.

It’s widely known at this point, but still worth pointing out. The Raiders had a total of 77 yards of offense, 3 first downs and 0 points on Sunday. First, good move getting rid of Lane Kiffin, he really was the problem holding back the team. Second, I hate to let correctional institutions around the country know but it has to be said. The Raiders have yet to reach rock bottom. It is to laugh.

I just have to say it. I know Jay Cutler is a tough cat to play with diabetes and a role model for having a normal life with the disease. And I know that both he and Phillip Rivers have plenty of talent and a strong ability to lead their teams. But whenever I see them running their offenses or on the sidelines, all I think is the same thing. Douche bags. It cannot be just me, watch how they behave, barking like ill behaved dogs strolling around like the head cock of the walk. They both look like they need a serious wedgie and a smack upside the head.

Ok, I think the winner for worst clock management at the end of a half/game so far goes to Mike Shanahan for his Thursday night mess in Cleveland. Yes, the Broncos won the game, but more because of a wilting Browns defense than offensive strategy.


The Steel Pit

Despite what some might think no I did not miss last week’s column because I was upset over the Giants loss. I missed last week because I spilled my hot wings at the game and was still too distraught to talk about it. But I’m feeling better now, so things are ok. So how about some catching up?

Santonio Holmes apologized to the team and the fans for his actions and was welcomed back with open arms. He messed up, the team punished him, he took it like a man and everyone moved on. Done right? Wrong. The NFL Players Association feels that the punishment of Holmes was “improper” and may file a grievance. A coach does what he thinks is right for the team, both for a specific player and the overall group, to teach everyone the consequences of their actions. And someone comes along and punishes him, calls him into question and undermines his authority. And people wonder why you get inmate running the asylum kind of messes like Oakland and Dallas.

Wow, didn’t Willie Parker look great in his return? Wasn’t it just awesome to see him back? Wait, he hurt his shoulder, is out this week? Hmmm, Willie Parker a rarer sights than Halley’s Comet.

Yes, the team suffered with the loss of long snapper Greg Warren. But I like the moxie of Jared Retkofsky. A player who keeps going after losing his helmet, that’s a man who wants to keep his job. Not that James Harrison is going to beat him out or anything.

Good on the Redskins for a tough game, but I knew they were in trouble long before kickoff. Everyone kept touting how Jason Campbell had yet to throw an interception this season. With that much talk, something bad was bound to happen. And it did. Twice.

For the second week in a row the offense struggled with Roethlisberger, who left at halftime with an injured shoulder. Tomlin later confirmed it’s the same injury from the season opener, just aggravated in this game.

So this poses a good question. What is the worst issue facing the Steelers offense? They are loaded with great playmakers, but still seem to find themselves stagnating at times. Here are the main issues I’ve heard bandied around.

- Weak offensive line
- Roethlisberger taking too long releasing the ball
- Roethlisberger’s shoulder
- Receivers unable to get free running routes
- Overall team injuries
- Bruce Arians’ offensive play calling

Look, straight up Arians certainly is not the best coordinator in the league. I’d say not even in the top 15. But what he does can only really affect what happens on the field by say 15-20%.

No, the Steelers suffer from a combination of problems. First and foremost, Roethlisberger’s shoulder, which I think is hurting him more than anyone has let on. The time might come soon, especially since Leftwich has showed he can handle some pressure, for Ben to take a week off.

But the rest of the items add up as well. The offensive line has plenty of good players, but a line is only good because of consistency. Look at the more successful teams in the NFL and what is one of their common denominators? Their offensive lines have all worked together for some time. That’s what makes a line good, years working together so they know each others moves inside and out. They know what each other will do without thinking about it. That kind of consistency won Pittsburgh a Super Bowl a few years ago, but is something they have been lacking since.

The receivers getting separation and team injuries have contributed as well, but both have been overcome when it’s been needed the most. As for Big Ben holding onto the ball too long, well that’s a double edged sword.

All along I’ve said that while it’s part of what makes him a great quarterback, the improvisational part of Roethlisberger’s makeup can and does hurt him at times. Right now it’s hurting him more because his offensive line is not as strong as it used to be. To fully utilize Ben’s skills and talents, the team needs a stronger line to give him the time needed to make those spectacular off the cuff plays.

Punter Mitch Berger has played poorly due to injury, and it showed last week greatly. This week he was cut and replaced by Paul Ernster, who was cut in training camp. Let’s hope our third punter of the season can work with our second long snapper to make some magic.

Why I love Mike Tomlin reason #876: When asked at a recent news conference what he thought of his team and their 6-2 record thus far, this was Tomlin’s response.

I'd prefer to be 8-0.

Now how can you not love that!


NFL The Alternative universe

Nice coup by ESPN getting the McCain and Obama for halftime of Monday Night Football. Some may think Obama won because the Redskins lost, and history followed in suit, but I know better. He won because he advocated a playoff for College Football. Are you listening BCS? Your new president has spoken! And yes, I am a Penn State fan already expecting to somehow get screwed in the final rankings.

Remember when I said it hasn’t hit rock bottom for the Raiders? I was right! Deposed Coach Lane Kiffin has filed a grievance against the team to force the Raiders to pay the remaining money owed Kiffin from his contract, a total of approximately $2.6 million. I have inside information that says a deal will be reached, but in order for Kiffin to get the money, sources say he must try to fool the aging Davis into thinking it’s not for him and that he must don a white wig and pretend he’s Kenny Stabler.

Oh, and this just in too! The Raiders have cut $70 million free agent DeAngelo Hall! Wow, who would have thought that a me first, locker room distraction who is only happy when the team is winning would not thrive for Oakland? Odd, don’t you think?

Unfortunately, this also marked the death knell to the Redskins season, as they snatched Hall right up off of waivers. They had such a strong team atmosphere going too. Wow, Dan Snyder really doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

You think these will be a big seller in Wisconsin this year?

I’m a fan of Mike Singletary’s style, not taking guff from prima donna players. But I’ll be danged if I’m dropping my trousers to fire up others.


Upon Further Review

Ok, I blasted the NFL Players Association earlier, mostly because they’re picking on my Steelers. But now they’re taking on the league about the ridiculous rash of fines on hits that were not even penalized on the field, and I have to get behind this.

Their main contention came this week after 6 more fines were levied; the biggest one of contention was the hit Justin Tuck laid on Cowboys quarterback Brooks Bollinger. The hit was legal, and replays showed Tuck laid off as the two were falling to the ground. But the NFL slapped Tuck with a $7,500 fine. But after a small brouhaha erupted, they rescinded the fine. Yes, good on the league for backing off, but it just shows the root of this problem, the inconsistency of this fining.

I can understand the NFL wanting to curb the violence that sells the game, because they lose money with people like Tom Brady out of action. But if you are truly serious, then get serious. Get standards set in place for all of the officiating crews out there. If it is a finable offence, flag it on the field. If it is bad enough, suspend the players without pay, hit them with a paycheck and their playing time. And for Pete’s sake, start punishing people for helmet to helmet hits! I see these every week with zero repercussions. But most importantly, show consistency with both the actions and consequences. Until you do, no one, not the players their union or the fans, will take you or this nonsensical fining seriously.


Midseason Prediction Update

At the beginning of the season, I grudgingly made a few predictions. Since we’ve made it halfway through another season in the world of the NFL, why not look back and see how disturbingly well I know how to move in this world?

- The Patriots will still be lauded as the greatest team ever, despite serious issues with their offensive line, secondary, linebacking corps and the Tom Brady Man-Bot. – Oooooh, a loss right at the start! Sorry, I’m snickering too much to feel bad.

- The Bengals will suck, again. – WINNAH!

- So will the Raiders. – DOUBLE WINNAH!

- And the Rams. – Hey, I’m 3-1!

- And the Falcons, but that one was easy. – Ok, a loss but who saw this coming?

- Brett Favre will retire sometime before March, again. And then unretired. Again. – The jury is still out, so I’ll withhold judgment.


- Nor will he be the magic elixir that cures the Jets’ woes. – I’m calling this a push as well, because while they are 5-3, it’s a terribly underwhelming 5-3.

- Rookie quarterbacks starting for crappy teams will have at least 2.5 “Welcome to the NFL” moments per game. – I’d say a loss. They’ve had those moments, but not nearly enough. That’s 3-3-2

- Mike Holmgren will look like a walrus. – WINNAH!

- Matt Leinart will bore with trying to be the good soldier and throw a kegger with tons of college hotties by week 8. – Push again, because he hasn’t mouthed off, but I’ve seen nothing on YouTube lately.

- The Bills will be better than people think. – WINNAH!

- The Browns will be worse than people think. – WINNAH!

- So will the Jets. Jet fans are already saying this, but they don’t truly believe it. – Push, for the same reasons above. That makes us 6-3-3

- First team in the AFC North to 10-6 wins the division. Again – Withholding judgment, but it’s looking good.

- Shawne Merriman will not play the entire season – WINNAH!

- Michael Phelps will make an appearance at a Ravens game to much fanfare. – WINNAH!

- And finally Roger Goodell will have to dirty his hands at least once dealing with some sort of off the field incident involving a Bengal, Raider or Cowboy. Yes, it could be from another team, but I’m going with the odds. – Thank you Pacman, WINNAH!

Grand total, 9-3-3 with two withholds. Oh, I could still blow the doors off of most predictors! Mel Kiper Jr., look out here I come!


He Said He Said

Hey, let's go 7-0. Let's see if we can go 7-0. ... We're playing for ourselves. We're playing for our professional livelihood. – Cincinnati coach Marvin Lewis

No Marvin, only you are playing for your livelihood.

The Bengals have seven games left, and Chad Johnson says he thinks the team could finish 8-8. Well, in two weeks the Bengals start a rather interesting five-game stretch -- Eagles, at Steelers, Ravens, at Colts, Redskins -- and I'll just say this: If they sweep those five, I'm changing my name to Peter Ocho Cinco. – SI.com’s Peter King

Peter that may be the safest bet you’ve ever made.

I'm tired of saying we are making progress, I'm tired of saying we were close, and I'm tired of saying we just need to execute. It is the same thing week after week. - Lions center Dominic Raiola

Huh, looks like someone is choking on Marinelli’s Kool-Aid.

Vernon just ... It was something that I told everybody at the very beginning of the week: I will not tolerate players that think it's about them when it's about the team. And we cannot make ... we cannot make decisions that cost the team and then come off [to] the sideline and it's nonchalant. No. You know what? This is how I believe. I'm from the old school. I believe this: I would rather play with 10 people and just get penalized all the way until we got to do something else, rather than play with 11 when I know that right now that person is not sold-out to be a part of this team. It is more about them than it is about the team. Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it. I want winners. I want people that want to win. I told him that he would do a better job for us right now taking a shower and coming back and watching the game than going out on the field. Simple as that. – 49er Interim coach Mike Singletary

Oh, it loses so much in the translation from video clip to text quote. But some advice for Mike, since this is his first head coaching job. Mike, if you want a memorable rant, you need to keep it short. Think Herm Edwards “win the game” or Jim Mora’s “playoffs” or the master, Denny Green’s “they are who we thought they were.” Short, sweet, forever in our minds. I think before it’s all said and done, Mike will give us something priceless.


Idiot of the week

Ok, since we missed a week, the nominees have piled up.

Mike Singletary – Because I’ve never knew the best way to inspire a room full of professional athletes was to show off your BVDs.

Joey Porter – Joey must be feeling his oats, because he got involved in a war of words with both Brandon Marshall and Matt Jones.

Brandon Marshall. Well, his mouthing off with Joey Porter after the fact that Joey’s Dolphins beat his Broncos, and he posted a 2 catches for 27 yards performance. And he doubled his chances with attempting to hurt his team with a touchdown celebration in his exuberance for the election of Barack Obama. Although his heart and intentions were in the right place with the idea rather than a hey world look how great I am sort of attitude. Ok, that makes up for alot so Brandon, you are off the list. And the idea of celebrating unity is fabulous. I hope at some point you do show us the celebration.

But I’m going to give it to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Roger, I know you want to cut down on the injuries and violence in the game, even though the violence is what sells the game. But these asinine fines are just too much. Get some consistency both in on the field calls and the fines, and then perhaps people will take this seriously. Until then, you are an idiot.


Taking the Week Off

Bengals – Tearing apart Cincinnati with a championship celebration for winning one lousy game.

Cowboys – Wade will visit Bum, who will tell him he’s a bum, and Jerry Jones will insist to Tony Romo that he knows how to holistically repair broken pinkies.

Buccaneers – Even though Garcia is doing well, Gruden will audition 30 quarterbacks, because after seeing what happened to Dallas, you never know.

Redskins – Foolishly thinking DeAngelo Hall will improve their team, and not destroy it from the inside. Because Dan Snyder has never seen what happened with him in Oakland or Atlanta.


On Tap This Week

Once a season, I pull a huge boner with my picks. I move too fast, pick a team I’d never pick rationally then have to suffer and watch as they get creamed and feel like a moron. I did it again this week, picking Oakland over Atlanta. I even sat through the first half of the day games thinking; thank goodness I picked the falcons. I mean, the only thing I’d ever pick Oakland for is either a prison rodeo or biggest train wreck in all of sports. Suffice to say, it impacted my standings.

Last week 8-6
Season to date 79-59

Suffice to say, I’m getting my butt kicked lately. So, why don’t we do a bit of research this week and see if I can turn this thing around before it’s too late.


Thursday

Denver (4-4) at Cleveland (3-5)

Will the newly formed Brady Bunch be too much for the Broncos? I would not trust either of these teams as far as I could throw them. Especially the terribly inconsistent Shanahan crew. The Browns are at least at home, and could experience a lift from a new quarterback.

Browns over Broncos

(Yes, I know the game has been played, and the Brown defense fell apart faster than paper towels in a dishwasher, but I’m putting this here as a full disclaimer of my screw ups. Like you didn’t know them already.)


Sunday

New Orleans (4-4) at Atlanta (5-3)

No matter how good your quarterback may be, it is no substitute for a good defense.

Falcons over Saints


Tennessee (8-0) at Chicago (5-3)

No neck beard, no win.

Titans over Bears


Jacksonville (3-5) at Detroit (0-8)

Come on, I know Jacksonville has been severely handicapped by injuries, but they can beat Detroit on the road, right?

Jaguars over Lions


Baltimore (5-3) at Houston (3-5)

I hate to say it, but the Ravens with Flacco are just too tough. Oh Boller, how I miss you.

Ravens over Texans


Seattle (2-6) at Miami (4-4)

Wait, Seattle has won 2 games? When did that happen? I’m going with mouthy Joey, and not just because Seattle has to travel 3 time zones.

Dolphins over Seahawks


Green Bay (4-4) at Minnesota (4-4)

Yeah, Adrian Peterson is a monster, but that’s all they have. If you have a doubt, go with the quarterback. And who would you rather have if your life depended on it, Aaron Rodgers or Gus “I gave myself a concussion once by head butting a wall” Frerotte? I thought so.

Packers over Vikings


Buffalo (5-3) at New England (5-3)

If Buffalo cannot come through against the Jets or Dolphins, how can I trust them in Foxboro? Now that I said that, Jauron will finally put everything together.

Patriots over Bills


St. Louis (2-6) at New York Jets (5-3)

Awww, I guess Jim Haslett will be exposed as not being a genius. You’ll see since he will be without Stephen Jackson to save his bacon this time. And that he’s going against THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME BRETT FAVRE!

Jets over Rams


Carolina (6-2) at Oakland (2-6)

Carolina is the quietest 6-2 team in the league. After this weekend, they will be the quietest 7-2 team. Double checking my picks to make sure I didn’t screw up again.

Panthers over Raiders


Indianapolis (4-4) at Pittsburgh (6-2)

All I can say is, sorry Colts fans, but you’ve had it good for a while, so just revel in that.

Steelers over Colts


Kansas City (1-7) at San Diego (3-5)

Ugh. Ok, which is worse, a totally crappy KC team, thank you Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards, or a ridiculously underachieving San Diego team? Yes, Ted Cottrell was the issue ailing the team. Well, sometimes even Norv Turner cannot screw up at home.

Chargers over Chiefs


New York Giants (7-1) at Philadelphia (5-3)

This actually is an intriguing contest. The Giants have been laying waste to opponents, nothing like a little Super Bowl winning confidence. The Eagles, though, haven’t lost since the Phillies won the NLDS, nothing like some brotherly confidence. I’m going to out on a limb here and go with the less than obvious.

Eagles over Giants


Monday

San Francisco (2-6) at Arizona (5-3)

Does it seem weird Steelers West, I mean Arizona, has a three game lead over every other team in the division? The only entertaining part of this game most definitely is what Mike Singletary might or might not do to inspire his team to victory. I wouldn’t rule out a Carmen Miranda fruit hat.

Cardinals over 49ers