The Crystal Ball 2009 Week 2

Did you get your NFL fill last weekend? Did everyone wake up Monday morning feeling full and satiated like after Thanksgiving from all the football action? No? Well guess what, the buffet is open again!

Opening Kickoff

Thank you DIRECTV for the free NFL Sunday Ticket weekend! With the entire football slate open to me, I literally watched some of every game available. It almost became too much football, and I came close to overdosing. Mercifully I took a break to watch the series finale of King of the Hill. In my opinion, a very good, understated ending to a widely underrated show. Sad to know there will be no more new episodes, I’ll tell you what.


The Way It Was

The Bears armor has been destroyed. Cutler showed he has tendencies more like Jim Miller than Sid Luckman. Brian Urlacher, the heart of their defense, is gone for the season with a wickedly painful sounding dislocated wrist. Their two biggest weapons from last year, Forte and Olsen, were horribly underutilized. Monsters of the Midway, the Chicago Bears. Chipmunks maybe but Bears, never.

Welcome to the Delhomme meltdown part 2. I think I’ve seen this show before somewhere. Of course the Panthers are behind him, what else do they have in reserve? Oh right. Hello? A.J. Feeley? What’s up buddy? Ya busy?

One week in, and Donovan McNabb has broken ribs. To compensate, the Eagles bring back to the fold Jeff Garcia. So now the quarterback room consists of McNabb, Garcia, the questionable Kevin Kolb and the lightning rod Michael Vick. T-minus one week until a full fledged quarterback controversy maelstrom strikes Philadelphia. That’s one of the annual signs of fall, isn’t it? Like a Favre retirement is a sign of spring?

I watched Adrian Peterson on Sunday eviscerate the Browns. And no doubt, Peterson is otherworldly. But keep in mind they ARE the Browns. However after watching his performance, does Tomlinson really believe he’s better than Peterson? Seriously? He just cannot, especially after Tomlinson fumbled early in his Monday night season debut.

Wow, what a wild freaky ending to the Denver/Cincinnati train wreck. But that just shows why the Bungles are the Bungles. All they had to do was stop Kyle Orton, who will never be confused with John Elway, from going 87 yards in 20 seconds. That’s it. Now do you understand the power of the neck beard?

I loved Brandon Stokley hesitating before entering the end zone to milk extra time off the clock and prevent the Bungles extra time to run more than one desperation play. Stokley made a very smart move and showed his football acumen with his understanding of how the end game works.

Hey, where was Ochocinco’s big moment? He must be waiting for the right time, like when the Bungles are relevant. I hope I live that long.

Let’s face it, Denver got uber lucky. I mean, when you line up to receive a punt, and do not notice your opponent is running a fake punt with no punter on the field, and get fooled by that formation? Although in Denver’s defense, they probably figured that the Bungles just forgot to send out a punter and would hike the ball 15 yards backward.

Oh, speaking of this game, could someone check on Gus Johnson and make sure he didn’t blow a gasket calling that touchdown run? I think I heard something snap as he bounced off the walls of the booth.

Good for Houston fans for booing. I would to if I had to call that my team.

Wow, surprisingly KC really gave Baltimore a game. Is that a sign they have a touch of life, or Baltimore got a bit sloppy? I’m going sloppy.

By the way, I do not like the idea of a Ravens offense putting up 38 points. Not one bit.

I swear these football video games are just getting way too realistic. I watched someone playing a game between New Orleans and Detroit, and as the dude working the Saints controls kept racking up the points, I’d swear the video Drew Brees looked real! But I realized he just couldn’t be when he never broke a sweat.

I love love love what Mike Singletary is doing with the 49ers. They played tough and never took a down off. Eventually, that kind of ethic he’s building into that team will pay off in big ways.

Awww the Cardinals hung their NFC championship banner on Sunday. Way to celebrate 2nd place guys.

Boy, Seneca Wallace wore some very bright neon green shoes Sunday. I could see them from the Space Needle.

Is it just me or are Ed Hochuli’s guns a bit smaller? Has he gone with a lower caliber, to contain the collateral damage those pythons can cause?

Poor Larry Foote, what a rough, long day. Unfortunately, this will not be the first game like this for his undermanned Lions. It’s only going to get longer. And did you hear the announcers compare his move from Pittsburgh to Detroit like breaking up with Beyonce to date Whoopi Goldberg? What a wicked Whoopi burn, and she didn’t even do anything.

Did anyone notice that with pressure from the defense, Tom Brady looked hesitant especially with long throws? He does look healthy and accurate, but I don’t think he trusts his knee quite yet. Hopefully, that hesitation lasts all year.

Ahhh the Oakland Raiders – new coach, new philosophy, new season, new hope, and yet the same old terrible clock management. Why, in the waning moments of a game, with your opponent behind and out of time outs, would you call a time out and give your opponent another opportunity to run an additional play? That extra time made the difference and allowed Sproles to score. Good job dim wits.

Richard Seymour played his first game as a Raider with passion, determination and anger. Obviously he wants a new contract somewhere else next season and is channeling the anger he feels from being betrayed by Beli-cheat onto the field and inspiring the rest of the defense. Perhaps Al Davis is not completely crazy. Nah, I’m not ready to live in that world.

Houston defensive back Dunta Robinson, unhappy with his contract situation, wrote "pay me Rick" on his shoes to make a point to the Texans general manager. Dunta allow me to offer you a piece of advice. Such displays work much better when you're not getting smoked by a rookie quarterback at home.


The Steel Pit

Ok, the good news. The Steelers won a tough game, albeit messily, against a top tier opponent to start their title defense at 1-0. Big Ben looks like he is finally going to be included in the discussion of elite quarterbacks of the league and Santonio Holmes picked up right where he left off at the end of last season. And the defense allowed only 10 total points for the game. The icing on that cake is exquisite.

The bad news? The running game was non existent. The offensive line had no push when it came to grinding out tough yards and, while providing good pass protection still was enough of a sieve to allow 4 sacks. And the defense lost a major weapon when Troy Polamalu was injured with a strained MCL. Luckily, Troy will only be missing 3-6 weeks, and I figure closer to 6 so we will not see him and his brilliance again until November. But we will see him again this season.

Is it panic time? Oh heck no. While the team definitely has a few weak spots on which to work, things look good. And give Tennessee credit, they are a good team who plays Pittsburgh extremely tough and were very motivated to make a point that they should have been hosting last Thursday’s game and hoisting a championship banner.

My notes of the game revealed a few interesting highlights and low lights. Let’s take a quick gander back.

I may be developing a crush on Daniel Sepulveda and Stephan Logan. Wow, so this is what it’s like to have a team with viable and dangerous special teams’ options.

The defense, other than Troy, was not at their usual ferocity early in the game. After yet another amazing Polamalu play, the Lady K said, “Is Troy the only one working tonight?”

And then Troy had the highlight reel one handed interception.

That pass interference call on Polamalu was total crap, no matter that it was negated by a Tennessee penalty. The fans expressed their displeasure at the poor officiating in appropriate ways.

Farrior had a nice sack and a wonderful blocked kick and the defense ramped it up as the game went on. But I think I’ll be asking this question often this season. Where are the holding calls on James Harrison?

In replacement of Timmons, Keyaron Fox played smart and tough football. We just keep building linebackers in Pittsburgh.

Why when a player gets injured, must we see the super slow mo replay more often than the Zapruder film? I kept wanting to throw up watching Troy’s knee buckle.

Hey, there’s Snoop Dogg, chillin at Heinz Field. Why didn’t he do a little pre-game show? I would have dug that more than Tim McGraw.

Oh look, Willie Colon screwed up to sabotage a drive. Can they honestly say he’s one of the best right tackles in the league? Every week I see him either whiff on a block or get a holding call that short circuit a promising drive. Every week. Next week we’ll start the Colon watch.

After watching Frank Summers, one thought keeps creeping into my head. They should have kept Isaac Redman.

This is why Big Ben got a big paycheck. Two drives with the game on the line in the 4th quarter and overtime = two scores and a win.

And speaking of paying, Art Rooney, pay Jeff Reed. If he hasn’t proven just exactly how clutch of a kicker he is by now, he never will.

Hines Ward fumbling the ball was one of the weirdest sights I’ve every seen. I think for him too because at first he just looked shocked. And then he looked pissed. Like that man needs further motivation. I feel bad for the Bears next week.

Is Steeler football running the ball, or is it morphing into a passing team? I think we’re being too specific. I think Steeler football can be described much more accurately and allow variations to offensive philosophy. Steeler Football is about winning. Sounds better, is extremely accurate, and allows Big Ben to have 300 yard passing days without old school fans having a conniption fit.

The Steelers will have another tough one this week in Chicago. But with the resolve I saw in pulling together to dispatch a fierce opponent, I think we’ll see Pittsburgh look even better in their road debut.


Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Matt Birk, Lofa Tatupu and Sean Morey have pledged to donate their brains upon their passing to a study on the effects of concussions. While some retired football alumni have done so already, they are the first active players to do so, and by getting this commitment from men still active, it is a major breakthrough in the advancement of study of the affects of repeated concussions. I love to see progress in this matter, because of all the wonderful physical gifts athletes have, their most important organ, just like all of us, is our minds. And finding new ways to protect and understand it means much for our growth as humans.

So, have you heard that Brett Favre said he may not play all 16 games? Yup, you read that right. And you’re reading into it correctly as well. It seems by this innocuous statement, he’s planning to retire during the most difficult part of the season, and then unretire again, and then re-retires when the meat of the stretch run happens, and then unretires AGAIN when the playoffs are locked up. Wow.

In the new cathedral to Jerry Jones’ ego, the facilities include a 5,500-square-foot beer storage room. That’s more space than my house and three other friends’ houses combined. FOR BEER! Stunning.

Did Al Michaels get hair plugs? The top of his noggin sure looked different at the start of this season.

Success, as they say, breeds success. And the proof can be found with the prominent Steelers in advertising campaigns. Troy Polamalu plugging Head and Shoulders. Willie Parker appears now in a Sprint advertisement. And Jeff Reed is lending his recommendation to a local sports psychiatrist. I hope the towel dispenser incident did not mandate this.

The NFL fined Eric Mangini and the New York Jets combined $125,000 for failing to report on injury reports last season the extent of Brett Favre’s bicep injury. So what? Isn’t that the normal modus operandi for Bill Belichick? Didn’t he list Tom Brady as “questionable” for the entire 2007 season?

According to a study, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan is the most handsome man in the NFL, due to his almost perfectly symmetrical face. Ok, maybe by some stuffy scientific standards Ryan may be the most handsome man. But can his smile light up an entire city? I think not.


In The Merry Old Land Of Oz

Ok, one week in, and I’ll admit it. Despite my protestations and constant fun making, I am having a blast with fantasy football. Go ahead feel free to make fun of me mercifully because I know I deserve it. The planning, the thinking of who may do well, the guess work, the luck, the constant thinking of football and strategy, it’s quite the fun time and I’m more surprised than anyone to say right up my alley. Plus I enjoy discussing matchups and line ups with a good friend who is also in the league. So yes, make fun I deserve it. But I don’t care!

Turns out I’m not the only newbie to the fantasy realm this year. So is Seattle quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. I thought this was kind of cool, until I read he was convinced to do it by his twitter followers. *Shudder* Just saying that makes me feel dirty. I know I turned my opinion on fantasy football, but I guarantee this. No Twitter for me, ever. Well, unless someone is paying me gobs of money, then I may consider it for a second.

Ok, so what did I learn in week one? I learned two important things. One, it’s important when putting together your lineup to look and see who those players are going facing on the field. If they are playing a crappy team, that will help you immensely in racking up the points. I made a mistake in starting tight ends, and left 12 points on the table. Not optimal. But it’s a learning process.

The other thing I learned is even if you have a good team that racks up 93 points, like I did; you’re going to get killed if your opponent has Drew Brees strafing the Lion defense. Even if I had those 12 points from above, I still would have been 20 short. Lesson learned.


Upon Further Review

With the fines to Mangini and the Jets regarding proper filing of injury reports, I feel this week an open secret needs to be revealed. The NFL’s policy on injury reports is nothing but a gigantic sham. The premise of these reports is that by letting other teams know the proper health status of your players, it allows your opponent to properly prepare and increases competition.

The truth is, the only people injury reports benefit are gamblers and fantasy football players. Each team prepares for their opponents through study, film work, scouting reports and with the thought that every member of the opposing team will be 100% healthy and active. They leave nothing to chance, and good teams never rely on the hope that someone may be too banged up to go forward. Plus, each team understands the reality of football. That reality is that everyone gets aches and pains from the violent game they play, and teams and players find ways to work through that to perform at their best on Sundays.

However, gamblers looking for an edge want to know every detail as possible. Would someone looking to drop $1000 on, say, Patriots at Jets be influenced if they knew Tom Brady was nursing a strained abdominal muscle, or if it looked like Thomas Jones may not play with a pulled hamstring? You bet your fanny they would. It would change betting lines drastically and how much money flowed into Las Vegas and betting houses everywhere.

And with the proliferation of fantasy football, injury reports are as important as schedules and opponents. It changes millions of line ups around the world. It makes all the difference for each player as they try to decide who to start, Rivers or Manning. If one has a sore shoulder, well he sits on the faux bench.

As a concept, I have no problem with injury reports. Fans want to know the status of their team in general and it helps temper expectations if they know whether their star player will be ready to go come Sunday. My problem is with honesty. Injury reports only benefit fans, gamblers and fantasy owners. They do little or nothing for teams specifically.

If the NFL really wants to keep them self separated from gambling, they should eliminate the injury report. But if they continue on their path of courting gambling subtly, which they are by allowing team branding on scratch off lottery tickets, then they should just be honest about whom these reports truly benefit and drop the pretenses regarding gambling. After all, who here is not involved in some sort of fantasy league, office pool or placed a bet at a sports book just for fun? I think that includes everyone but the Amish, and considering how some of their youngsters have dabbled in cocaine in the recent past perhaps they’re tracking the spreads too.


He Said He Said

"I've never seen anything like that." - Carson Palmer, on Denver's winning score.

Considering he’s been a Bungle since 2003, how is that possible?

"I watched Brett Favre today. Very impressive. Went the whole game without retiring.” - Jay Leno, interviewed by Bob Costas at halftime of NBC's Sunday night game.

Zing!

"They recovered a fumbled kickoff by the Bills, and scored the winner on another Brady-to-Watson touchdown with 50 seconds left, finishing off a scintillating 25-24 in Brady's breathless return to football after 2008 knee surgery." – SI.com’s Peter King

Scintillating? Breathless? Peter, easy now. I know you broke up with Favre, but you’re going a bit over the top now with your growing bromance with Brady. He’ll only hurt you in the end.

"Get your hats on. We're gonna score before the two-minute warning, get the ball back, then we're gonna score again and win this thing!'' – Patriot quarterback Tom Brady before the second to last scoring drive

Get your hats on? That’s your inspiring words Tom? Wait, are they tiny hats? Do they have a newly unveiled yet dopey personal logo on them?

"There's no question I'm very blessed that this scenario has come about rather than any worse scenario." – Steeler safety Troy Polamalu discussing his injury.

How this man views life continues to just blow me away, and inspire as well.

“At times on Sunday, Flacco looked like a young Ben Roethlisberger.” – Fox Sports Jason Whitlock

Yeah, I can see that. And I do not care for it one bit.

"I love that guy. He was one of the main reasons I wanted to re-sign here. I love blocking for him and he's our quarterback." – Panthers tackle Jordan Gross

For now.

“We’re not going to panic.” – Panthers defensive end Julius Peppers

Exactly when, then, will it be ok to panic? Carolina fans want to know.

“The tequila itself wouldn't cause weight gain; it would be everything that went WITH the tequila, right? If you drink a lot, you're going to eat late-night food … and you're going to be lazy the next morning, which always leads to pizza or other bad food.” – ESPN.com Bill Simmons

Thanks Bill, that’s what I said! Nice to have some common sense backing me up.

“Not a fan.” - former Viking quarterback Fran Tarkenton when asked about Brett Favre.

Ouch.

"You go out from the first quarter on, from the first play on, and try to embarrass them. Not just go out there and try to win, try to embarrass them. Try to make them feel bad when they leave here. We don't want to just beat them. We want to send a message to them, 'We're not backing down from you and we expect to win this game, and it's not going to be luck, it's not going to be a mistake.' “– Jets safety Kerry Rhodes discussing this week’s showdown with the Patriots.

Kerry, I hate to say it, but you’re poking the bear. Just ask Anthony Smith.


Idiot of the week

Some weeks, you really have to look for the idiot. This week, they advertised. Actually the competition was stiff, and the nominees all deserving.

There was Jay “franchise savior” Cutler laying a big egg on the not so frozen tundra. I personally enjoyed that one.

I could have nominated Jake Delhomme, but that boy is having too much trouble as it is, and I didn’t want to pile on like everyone else.

More deserving than Jake would be his coach, John Fox. Fox saw what happened to Jake in last years playoffs, and did nothing to hedge his bets that Delhomme may have lost his game. In fact, he gave him a fat contract extension and no viable backup. Pretty idiotic, if you ask my opinion.

No, this week our winner is Buffalo Bill Leodis McKelvin. You remember McKelvin, fumbling the kick return Monday night, allowing the Patriots to recover and then score the go ahead points in the waning moments of the game.

Now, many said McKelvin shouldn’t have run the ball out of the end zone, and perhaps not. But that is his job to advance the ball. He’s not an idiot for that. He’s not and idiot for fighting for every yard he could get. That is also his job. Now, the worm turns on young Leodis for neglecting to protect the ball and get on the ground as soon as the Patriots had him wrapped up. He kept fighting when the better, and smarter, part of valor, would have been to surrender. And while idiotic, that moment is not why he wins this week.

He wins because when asked about it afterward and what he would change about the sequence, he said he would do it all the same again. Leodis, please pay attention. If you make one mistake, it is an error and you work to correct it. If you make the same mistake again, then you are either dumb, unable to learn or purposely trying to screw up. And for that, you are an idiot.

This week, I award a title of Co-idiot to the Buffalo teenagers who, in frustration and anger after the game, vandalized McKelvin’s lawn during the week. Guys, I know a loss like that is frustrating and hurts. But good gravy, just boo the guy at the next game, don’t destroy his property or possibly cause harm to him or his family. Not only is that stupid, but dangerous and illegal you idiots.


On Tap This Week

Well that’s week one in the books. Unveil the results!

Last week: 13-3
Season to date: 13-3

Hey, that’s off to a great start! I’d crow a bit, but the Lady K housed me by going 15-1 and missed winning the week by a lousy, stinking 4 points in the tie breaker. Stupid Arizona! Ok, since I now have to play catch up, in my own home no less, how about we find out what damage we can inflict this week.

Sunday

Houston (0-1) at Tennessee (0-1)

Wait I thought this was Houston’s year! No? Not yet? It won’t be this week either. A road game against a cheesed off Tennessee team? I smell a big Chris Johnson day.

Titans over Texans

New Orleans (1-0) at Philadelphia (1-0)

Ok, Philly destroyed Carolina with a fabulous defensive performance but paid a hefty price. And I think we all saw just what a motivated New Orleans offense can do. This might be the toughest pick, and one of the most enjoyable games to watch all weekend. Ok, let’s go road magic.

Saints over Eagles

Arizona (0-1) at Jacksonville (0-1)

Ok, I know Jacksonville played the Colts tight on the road. And Arizona looked lethargic at home in their season debut. But I just believe Warner and company will snap out of it, and what better time than against a questionable Jags team.

Cardinals over Jaguars

Oakland (0-1) at Kansas City (0-1)

I hate to say this, but I was surprisingly impressed by the physicality of Oakland Monday night. They ran hard and hit harder. Might they have finally turned a corner? Who knows. But the current mess that is Kansas City should not be too much of an issue.

Raiders over Chiefs

Cincinnati (0-1) at Green Bay (1-0)

I am excited to see Ochocinco fulfill his promise to do a Lambeau Leap if he scores a touchdown. Unfortunately, he hasn’t scored a touchdown on the road in 34 months.

Packers over Bungles

Minnesota (1-0) at Detroit (1-0)

Another crappy team, another massive day for Adrian Peterson.

Vikings over Lions

St. Louis (0-1) at Washington (0-1)

If Washington doesn’t win this game, Dan Snyder needs to be traded.

Redskins over Rams

New England (1-0) at New York Jets (1-0)

Despite Peter King’s gushing, I have doubts about Brady. Not physically, as he seems fine, but with his confidence in his knee. And I’ve seen enough of this kind of injury to know the hardest part to heal is the psyche. As for the Jets, well they took a hit with a weakened Kris Jenkins and a bunch of trash talk, which always leads to danger especially when New England is prominently involved. But you know what? I’m gonna take a chance that New York’s butt can cash the checks Rex Ryan’s mouth has been writing. But they only get one chance.

Jets over Patriots

Carolina (0-1) at Atlanta (1-0)

Carolina is about two games away from a massive implosion. This is game one.

Falcons over Panthers

Tampa Bay (0-1) at Buffalo (0-1)

To coach Dick Jauron: If you are ahead at the 55 minute mark, do NOT let off the gas!

Bills over Buccaneers

Seattle (1-0) at San Francisco (1-0)

Like I said, I love what Mike Singletary is doing with his team. But I like Hasselbeck to T.J. just a tiny big more.

Seahawks over 49ers

Baltimore (1-0) at San Diego (1-0)

Let’s see, an underachieving Chargers team, surrounded by the Merriman/Tequila controversy, after barely beating the Raiders and losing two key offensive linemen in the process, yet still coached by Norv Turner, will face a Ravens team that now has a multi dimensional offense? Gee, I wonder which way I’ll go.

Ravens over Chargers

Pittsburgh (1-0) at Chicago (0-1)

Hmmm, an easily rattled Cutler versus a Super Bowl winning defense….I wonder who will win? Oh like I ever debate a pick involving Pittsburgh.

Steelers over Bears

Cleveland (0-1) at Denver (1-0)

This game has ewww written all over it. I guess home field advantage may play into this somehow. No, the neck beard will.

Broncos over Browns

New York Giants (1-0) at Dallas (1-0)

How can Dallas lose with the big grand opening of their new, ultra fabulous stadium? Please, logic has no place with Jerry Jones involved.

Cowboys over Giants

Monday

Indianapolis (1-0) at Miami (0-1)

Yeah, I know, Peyton has but one reliable receiver. So what, the Dolphins may be reverting to 2007 form. Sorry Joey.

Colts over Dolphins