The Crystal Ball 2009 Week 14

It happens once a season. I put my picks in, don’t pay attention then have to root for a crappy team to pull off the upset. This year, I accidentally picked Tampa Bay over Carolina. Oops. Such a mistake would not have been so bad if not for the fact that I was risking a pick with the Titans already. Double oops.

Opening Kickoff

More than ever, I maintain the Black and Gold are going to the Super Bowl and I’ll be right behind them. With the Steelers season effectively over, New Orleans is now the official temporary team of the Crystal Ball, and we’ll root them all the way to Miami. Go Saints!

I know that sounds like fan sacrilege, but trust me, it’s cool. We’ll revisit this come playoff time.

The Way It Was

In Atlanta, Michael Vick ran and threw for a touchdown against the Falcons. Not only that, the Falcon fans cheered him. Amazing how time can heal all wounds.

Ha ha, Patriots lost again. Yes, it’s a minor consolation in yet another disappointing week from the current NFL champions, but I’ll take a Patriot embarrassment too.

Are the Redskins playing to keep Zorn’s job? It looks like it, except yet again they came up short.

Amazing, the Saints looked like it would be over, yet they pulled it out. That’s how a champion plays.

Really Mike Singletary? That’s how you roll? You put the boots to a decent AFC team but cannot finish off a horrid NFC division opponent? Come on!

Thank you Cowboys, for allowing me to watch two horrid defensive performances in a row.

Has there been a better heads up play than Robert Meacham stripping the ball after an interception and then running it back for a touchdown? Not for my money there hasn’t.

Wait; is there a brewing quarterback controversy in Kansas City? Is the great Matt Cassel not working out? Really? Who would have thought paying a career back up big money without seeing proof he can lead a team in more than relief duty would be a bad idea! Hmmmm, maybe the Buffalo Bills?

I’m thinking that perhaps there is some truth to the theory that Scott Pioli really didn’t do all that much in New England. Isn’t it funny how everyone who leaves there fails miserably? You best watch out Josh McDaniels.

Ok, so Tim Ruskell leaves as general manager of the Seahawks. The team is a mess, obviously, and it will take some real work to put it back together as a Super Bowl contender. But I question why Seattleites are going gaga over the possibility of Mike Holmgren taking the job. Isn’t he one of the reasons the team is in the condition it is now? I know he hasn’t been the GM in quite some time, but I’m sure he has some significant input in turning this team into poo on a shingle.

Josh Freeman you made me look dumber than usual. Really, 5 interceptions in your game, two of them coming in the red zone? Josh, I need no help looking foolish, thank you very much.

Wow, Rex Grossman made it into a game. Now Texan fans know Chicago’s pain. He was so bad Matt Schaub miraculously recovered from his injury.

The Steel Pit

Somehow it seems fitting that the season ended with a whimper on a terribly cold night in Cleveland. I’m not sure why, but it just seemed fitting.

You know what’s been amazing about Pittsburgh’s collapse? Each week they lose, and I think, wow this is awful. There’s no way it can get any worse. They’ll beat next week’s patsy I’m sure. And then next week comes, we crumble against said patsy and somehow it gets worse. Actually at this point, I’m fascinated and amazed by this phenomenon.

Oh, I still have to fight off the urge to vomit. After all I did just watch Pittsburgh lose to two of the crappiest teams in the NFL, as well as completely torpedo any hope at the playoffs, in the span of 4 days. But I’m still amazed.

I could go off into a rant about William Gay and Tyrone Carter getting schooled, again. Or possibly expound on the defenses struggles, again. I thought of even going off on the offense and their unimaginable ability to move the ball against the Cleveland Browns. Or even Bruce Arians ridiculous play calling that seems to always stifle drives and confound his team.

I thought of the embarrassment of losing to Eric Mangenius or Tomlin’s promise of change left unfulfilled. Maybe even expounding on the fact that Cleveland has scored a total of one touchdown by a running back this season, and it was Thursday night. Or, horribly, I thought of discussing the 8 sacks given up by the offense, both the fault of an ineffective offensive line and an indecisive Roethlisberger. But you now what? Actually right now I feel good.

Yes, the Steelers season is effectively over. A playoff spot would require winning out and having a mondo amount of luck, which most likely will not happen. But I actually feel fine about it. I know, that sounds absurd, but I do. I feel strangely, yet wonderfully, liberated.

Now for the remainder of the season, I can watch games merely for the joy of it, instead of sitting on eggshells hoping that our flaws are not exposed and that the team can pull out a win. I need not worry about the playoffs and a potential collapse in the post season, because it just won’t happen. I feel free in an odd way.

Sure, another Super Bowl would have been wonderful, and really stuck it to the Patriots. But you cannot win it every year, and the team still has the most wins in the big game than any other team. In addition, I get to potentially see the enjoyment of a team win the Super Bowl that never has before. Go Saints!

And the plus side of all the team’s deficiencies being put on display is that now the coaching staff and team administration can look at the team with objective eyes, work to fix those flaws and build a better team for next year. I know, it’s grasping at straws, but I’ll take any positive I can.

Although in some ways negative and some ways positive, 2009 has been quite memorable for the Pittsburgh Steelers. So come on boys, let’s go out in style and kick a few more fannies. Call it a gift to your fans, because we need one right about now. And after all, it’s almost Christmas!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Oh look, Tom and Gisele had a baby last week! If Tom has a baby, then how can he be a baby? Curiosity abounds.

After a touchdown last week, Chad Ochocinco strode to the sidelines and donned a poncho and sombrero. For his wacky antic, the NFL fined him $30,000. Thank goodness for Chad, because he promised more to come. I’m strangely curious to see what he’ll do in the playoffs.

In a recap of the decade, Sports Illustrated released a bunch of best of lists this week. One of my favorites was Peter King’s; specifically for his playoff game and Super Bowl game choices. Ahhh, good times.

Redskin Clinton Portis has been placed on injured reserve and is considering retirement. Now, with yet another big name going down for the season, do we really think an 18 game season is a good idea?

This is the video of Viking E.J. Henderson breaking his leg. Trust me; it’s not for the feint of heart. Here’s hoping E.J. recovers well and is able to come back next season.

In The Merry Old Land Of Oz

This segment leaves us this week. The regular season of my league completed, and I did not make the playoffs. I should have, based on accumulated points since I tied by record with a cat who made the playoffs. But alas, what the league rules say and how the application actually works are two different things apparently.

But I had fun, learned a few things, got too worked up about individual performance and completely nerded out on football. All in all, an excellent waste of time. I will do it one more season at least, since I’d like to try the draft. So we’ll come back to this next year and see if lessons learned can mean a championship.

Until then, fantasy nerds rejoice, fantasy baseball is right around the corner. Let me know how it turns out.

Upon Further Review

This week we’re going to something completely different and step outside the world of professional football. I know, I should have warned you to sit down first. But something has been on my mind lately and I feel compelled to share.

What’s on my mind is Tiger Woods and his amazing time management and organizational skills. With the seemingly endless revelations regarding Tiger’s private life and his “transgressions”, the astounding points of his ability to keep the various aspects of his life in order have been lost on almost everyone.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and condemn Tiger for what he’s done. As far as I’m concerned, his extramarital activity is between him and Elin. And obviously they’re having their own troubles working through that. I’ve said often that what happens between two people in a relationship is between those two people and not the business of anyone else. If those two people care to share it with others, that’s their choice. Otherwise we should keep our noses out of their troubles.

Right now, this ever expanding state of affairs, no pun intended, is their business not ours. And I say this despite what TMZ or E! News might tell you. We tend to spend too much time focusing on the lives of the rich and famous instead of putting that time and energy into our own lives. That, however, is a discussion for another day and another forum, specifically Quick Thoughts and Nonsense, check it out.

Back to my point; with each new chippie that comes out of the woodwork looking for her 15 minutes of fame by acknowledging she knocked boots with Tiger, I become more amazed with the man. Not because he racked up a giant tally of chicks, but because he was able to.

Think about it for a minute. Tiger has a wife and a family. He has a full time job as a professional golfer that also takes up a multitude of time, both in actual on the job performance as well as travel and practice time. He has a side business where he designs golf courses. On top of that, he works for a myriad of corporations as a spokesman, which requires a significant time commitment. How did he find the time to have a harem of nookie on the side?

Yes, we could easily sit in moral judgment of Tiger regarding his “transgressions”. But what we should be doing is sitting in awe of his time management skills. How he managed to fit all of this into his life I’ll never know. I have enough trouble holding down a full time job, a wife and two dogs and fitting into that hobbies and chores to make my own world go around.

Once everything dies down and Tiger pulls his life back together, he’ll never have to worry about money again. He’s found a second career for when his golf game leaves him. He could easily go on the road speaking to corporations and businesses regarding time management and organizational skills. Honestly. If he can keep track of all of that, keep it in order and find time to address everything and keep everyone relatively happy whilst maintaining his well crafted public persona and shrouding his extracurricular activities from everyone, well the man should be teaching the rest of us how to maximize our time and keep our lives in order. And for the p-hounds out there, he can teach them how to get more tail for less.

He Said He Said

“We didn’t make a play to win that football game, defensively.” – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

In which game?

"I'd have to cut him before he cost me my job.''- Analyst Tony Dungy, on what he'd do if he were the coach of Redskins kicker Shaun Suisham

I don’t believe that at all, especially from a man who stuck by Mike Vanderjagt.

"The commissioner has talked about the risk the owners take. We're not financially invested in ownership, so we don't face that, but we're physically invested in this. What's the price tag for that? Ask [permanently injured Buffalo tight end] Kevin Everett the price tag. We feel we take great risk every time we take the field. I'm sure the owners feel they take great risk every time they invest their money. Where is the common ground? That's what we need to find.'' - New England quarterback Tom Brady, on the current collective bargaining talks between players and owners.

As much as he annoys me, Brady makes an excellent point.

"Stop [expletive] looking at that thing and get your mind right!'' – Oakland quarterback Bruce Gradkowski to left tackle Mario Henderson during the final drive at Pittsburgh

Shame he didn’t give that pep talk to the opposing defense.

"Huh? I'm just trying to win a game, man. What's coach [Jim] Mora's response to that? That's where we're at." – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin when asked about the Steelers playoff chances.

Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs! At the very least, Tomlin has a wicked sense of humor. I’m sure he needs it right now. I know I do

Idiot of the week

This week it’s easy. The idiot is us, Steeler nation. Specifically, the idiots are those of us who stayed up late to watch the end of the debacle that was Pittsburgh at Cleveland. Yeesh, never did sleep seem like a better option than watching football.

On Tap This Week

Each week I try, and each week I watch yet another person slip past me toward the front of the pack. I feel like Pittsburgh. Awww, too soon?

Last Week: 9-7

This Week: 0-1

Season to date: 132-59

Sunday

New Orleans (12-0) at Atlanta (6-6)

Next stop on the Saints Express, Atlanta. Please have your tickets ready for departure. Honestly, after last week in Washington, how can you pick against New Orleans?

Saints over Falcons

Seattle (5-7) at Houston (5-7)

Ugh. Which mediocre team will prevail? More importantly who will care?

Texans over Seahawks

Denver (8-4) at Indianapolis (12-0)

Yeah, I’m sorry Peyton. I didn’t mean to doubt you. I’m back in your corner, I promise. I used my MasterCard this week just as a show of faith.

Colts over Broncos

Carolina (5-7) at New England (7-5)

Ok, the Pats are not the world beaters they once were. But they can kick Carolina’s fanny.

Patriots over Panthers

Buffalo (4-8) at Kansas City (3-9)

Good gravy.

Bills over Chiefs

Detroit (2-10) at Baltimore (6-6)

Let’s let the embarrassment continue. The only way I could feel good about the Steelers is if Baltimore crapped the bed against Detroit. That is highly doubtful, though.

Ravens over Lions

Cincinnati (9-3) at Minnesota (10-2)

This is a defining game for both teams. If Cincinnati wants to be taken seriously, they need to win. If Minnesota wants to show they’re a legitimate contender and last week’s fiasco at Arizona was an anomaly, then they must crush the Bungles. And even though the real Brett Favre showed up last week, I’m going with the latter.

Vikings over Bungles

Miami (6-6) at Jacksonville (7-5)

Yeah, Miami did a good job last week. But I think its more anomaly than anything. That’s not confidence in Jacksonville, just doubt in the Dolphins.

Jaguars over Dolphins

New York Jets (6-6) at Tampa Bay (1-11)

Go Sanchize! I wish my fantasy team was still in effect. With Freeman’s new penchant for turnovers and the Jets defensive proclivity for forcing turnovers, it would be a jackpot!

Jets over Buccaneers

Green Bay (8-4) at Chicago (5-7)

I feel like some cheese.

Packers over Bears

Washington (3-9) at Oakland (4-8)

Who’s the bigger crap fest? I’m going with the team that took New Orleans to the limit, not the one that lucked out playing a paper champion.

Redskins over Raiders

St. Louis (1-11) at Tennessee (5-7)

Chris Johnson highlight film forthcoming.

Titans over Rams

San Diego (9-3) at Dallas (8-4)

Hmmm, Norv Turner or Wade Phillips? It’s like Sophie’s choice, except you cannot give up both.

Chargers over Cowboys

Philadelphia (8-4) at New York Giants (7-5)

With a fat new contract to match his pant size, Andy Reid will prevail. Or at the very least, grab a slice of New York style pizza. Either way, he walks away a big winner.

Eagles over Giants

Monday

Arizona (8-4) at San Francisco (5-7)

If that’s the true Arizona team I saw last week, this is a no brainer.

Cardinals over 49ers